greetings good readers. timothy ricketts here (a.k.a. kid 4). for many moons now my keyboard has been stilled, sittling idly as the cracker jack crumbs slowly fossilize between the keys. while my superiors (particularly company mystic david lopan) would rather i share with you a tale of my recent months that includes swashbuckling adventures in the name of global commerce, perhaps with a dash of mercenary bravery defending the american way, i can do no such thing. it just wouldn't be right. in truth, i've been to the bottom of an extremely deep bottle - many times over. however, as we all know, great things come for a true bender. although i have a constant ringing in my ears and pain in my liver region, i feel as if i've found great wisdom. i'd impart some of it here, but i'm too hungover to make the words come out.
let's face it people, without the leadership that could only be provided by the one-and-only tkid, this blog will flounder. so if you've seen him, in all of his radiant socal splendor, tell him we need him here. lead us, tkid. the blogosphere just isn't the same without you.
Dec 2, 2005
Oct 11, 2005
Blond Bondshell
TKID4 here, back from an extended vacation exploring the finest spider holes Anbar province has to offer, thanks to a generous grant from the Kiegals Institute for Oriental Studies.
There's a new bond in town. James Bond, that is. Octagenerian Pierce Bro'ham has been replaced by a blond haired, blue eyed dashing metrosexual named Daniel something in the role of the world's most famous and syphillitic adled spy. The studios appear to be moving the Bond character towards a softer, more gentle world, where the secret agent is more adept at selecting velvet curtains than tunneling under iron ones. According to industry insiders, the former Bond Brosnan is upset at the manner in which studio execs notified him he was out. The Irish lothario whose four Bond film portrayals put $1.5 billion worth of Goldfinger's gold bullion into the pockets of Hollywood underwriters was apparently canned over the course of one brief phone call. Brosnan reflected on the call from his yacht positioned off the coast of Gibraltar:
"I was polishing my shoes, which are themselves spy shoe phones, and when the L.A. suits rang me, telling me I was finished, out, fired...that sort of business, I told them to 'toss off' and I hung up and went back to polishing. Later that evening I went out for a cafe' and was unexpectedly accused of sporting blackface, as the polish from my shoe phones had masked my complexion. Needless to say, I covered my faux-pas by quipping that I had just come from a nighttime raid of the fortress of Dr. Goldfeld, which was partially true. It was more of a nighttime raid of my pantry for a box of goldfish."
While Brosnan was planning on taking the Bond character to an edgier, darker place, screenwriters plan on placing the new modern Bond in quirky scenarios where the emotional side of the middle aged single male will be explored. Rumors abound of a Bond who enters therapy after being slowly lowered by a rope into a shark tank one too many times. And when 007 contracts Mata Hari's revenge afer a particularly dicey covert-op in Guatemala, he is comforted by Raoul, a London florist who knows what it's like to have been loved, but to never have loved another.
There's a new bond in town. James Bond, that is. Octagenerian Pierce Bro'ham has been replaced by a blond haired, blue eyed dashing metrosexual named Daniel something in the role of the world's most famous and syphillitic adled spy. The studios appear to be moving the Bond character towards a softer, more gentle world, where the secret agent is more adept at selecting velvet curtains than tunneling under iron ones. According to industry insiders, the former Bond Brosnan is upset at the manner in which studio execs notified him he was out. The Irish lothario whose four Bond film portrayals put $1.5 billion worth of Goldfinger's gold bullion into the pockets of Hollywood underwriters was apparently canned over the course of one brief phone call. Brosnan reflected on the call from his yacht positioned off the coast of Gibraltar:
"I was polishing my shoes, which are themselves spy shoe phones, and when the L.A. suits rang me, telling me I was finished, out, fired...that sort of business, I told them to 'toss off' and I hung up and went back to polishing. Later that evening I went out for a cafe' and was unexpectedly accused of sporting blackface, as the polish from my shoe phones had masked my complexion. Needless to say, I covered my faux-pas by quipping that I had just come from a nighttime raid of the fortress of Dr. Goldfeld, which was partially true. It was more of a nighttime raid of my pantry for a box of goldfish."
While Brosnan was planning on taking the Bond character to an edgier, darker place, screenwriters plan on placing the new modern Bond in quirky scenarios where the emotional side of the middle aged single male will be explored. Rumors abound of a Bond who enters therapy after being slowly lowered by a rope into a shark tank one too many times. And when 007 contracts Mata Hari's revenge afer a particularly dicey covert-op in Guatemala, he is comforted by Raoul, a London florist who knows what it's like to have been loved, but to never have loved another.
Oct 5, 2005
Up from the Ashes
It is alive. Many apologies to our countless hordes of readers, all of whom have been wondering: "where is TKID's Blog?" The answers to this question are myriad. The abridged (and security-cleared) answer, however, is that Kiegels Enterprises, Inc., the company under which TKID's is a wholly-owned subsidiary, was involved in a high-level scrap with the Malaysian government. You see, our friends in Kuala Lumpur wanted their piece of the pie. But David Lopan, CEO of Kiegels and company mystic, is not to be messed with. Let's just say the Malaysians came out holding the short straw.
During this brief but intense clash with a third-world government TKID's Blog's main office was forced to shut down. Then, after we'd prevailed, we were detained to cash in on some of the no-bid contracts to hose down and clean out New Orleans - working shoulder-to-shoulder with Cheney's Halliburton boys. One thing we noticed during all of this hurricane hullabaloo was President Bush's moving comments when he first touched down in Mississippi after the hurricane. A snippet follows below:
"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
TID's Blog wants to do its part to correct this horrific act of God. Let's all work together to rebuild Trent's beachfront manse. To send your contribution to Kiegels Enterprises, which will help supervise construction at the site, please send your credit card donations to: david_lopan@hotmail.com
During this brief but intense clash with a third-world government TKID's Blog's main office was forced to shut down. Then, after we'd prevailed, we were detained to cash in on some of the no-bid contracts to hose down and clean out New Orleans - working shoulder-to-shoulder with Cheney's Halliburton boys. One thing we noticed during all of this hurricane hullabaloo was President Bush's moving comments when he first touched down in Mississippi after the hurricane. A snippet follows below:
"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
TID's Blog wants to do its part to correct this horrific act of God. Let's all work together to rebuild Trent's beachfront manse. To send your contribution to Kiegels Enterprises, which will help supervise construction at the site, please send your credit card donations to: david_lopan@hotmail.com
Jul 6, 2005
Liberal Media Spanking
Today, in one of the clearest signs to date that freedom is on the march, a reporter from the America-hating New York Times was by federal marshals to an Alexandria jail, where she will serve time in the same facility as a famous suspected terrorist and other miscreants. Good riddance, we say.
The case has riled liberals and their pack of elite, effete spokespeople: the media. It began when a conservative columnist, Robert Novak, in an op-ed outed the CIA wife of a known Bush-hater. An investigation was begun into the illegal outing of the agent, with most speculation leading to the culprit being a Bush Adminstation official. Judith Miller of the NYTimes, who did not write about the agent but apparently learned her identity, refused to cooperate with the investigation and was today sent to jail by a federal judge.
The issue here is that the news media has become obvious opponents of this government. Anything that will make the media struggle to achieve its wrongheaded ends is good by me. Miller, the NYTimes and other mainstream media outlets are always trying to catch President Bush and other Republicans, who run all branches of our government, in some sort of perceived wrongdoing. Why don't they ask questions about all the good things Bush and Co. are accomplishing?
Here are a few examples of stories Miller could have written (that might have helped keep her out of jail):
* A feature article on all the Iraqis who love us.
* A story about the toughest medical procedure Sen. Bill Frist ever performed.
* An article in which Sen Rick Santorum's ranks his favorite saints.
* Or, in an story which the NYTimes could run (but won't) tomorrow, about how after a bike-riding President Bush crashed into a Scottish police officer, who was also on a bike, old Bush dressed the guy's wounds and bought him a Scottish Ale. What a guy. How's that for international coverage?
The fact is, only lawyers, doctors and clergy deserve confidentiality rights under the law. Everybody loves lawyers and priests. But reporters? Hell, they're priests of the dark art of stabbing America in the back.
The case has riled liberals and their pack of elite, effete spokespeople: the media. It began when a conservative columnist, Robert Novak, in an op-ed outed the CIA wife of a known Bush-hater. An investigation was begun into the illegal outing of the agent, with most speculation leading to the culprit being a Bush Adminstation official. Judith Miller of the NYTimes, who did not write about the agent but apparently learned her identity, refused to cooperate with the investigation and was today sent to jail by a federal judge.
The issue here is that the news media has become obvious opponents of this government. Anything that will make the media struggle to achieve its wrongheaded ends is good by me. Miller, the NYTimes and other mainstream media outlets are always trying to catch President Bush and other Republicans, who run all branches of our government, in some sort of perceived wrongdoing. Why don't they ask questions about all the good things Bush and Co. are accomplishing?
Here are a few examples of stories Miller could have written (that might have helped keep her out of jail):
* A feature article on all the Iraqis who love us.
* A story about the toughest medical procedure Sen. Bill Frist ever performed.
* An article in which Sen Rick Santorum's ranks his favorite saints.
* Or, in an story which the NYTimes could run (but won't) tomorrow, about how after a bike-riding President Bush crashed into a Scottish police officer, who was also on a bike, old Bush dressed the guy's wounds and bought him a Scottish Ale. What a guy. How's that for international coverage?
The fact is, only lawyers, doctors and clergy deserve confidentiality rights under the law. Everybody loves lawyers and priests. But reporters? Hell, they're priests of the dark art of stabbing America in the back.
Jul 5, 2005
Bumper Crop
TKID4 remembers a traumatic incident in his childhood when his father and a passing motorist engaged in a profanity-laced exchange on the highway. TKID4 was six years old, and he and his family were on their way home from Thanksgiving Dinner. It occurred to this first grader that the inhibitions of people fade as they drive. Where one would not imagine cursing a passing person on the street or unleashing an air horn in the direction of a man and his family, motorists perform such feats instinctively and often without provocation. Country music singer/songwriter babe Chely Wright had a similar experience to that of TKID's and penned a top 10 song in response. The song is about an encounter Chely had with a fellow driver. TKID4 decided to analyze the lyrics of the highly popular jingle to see if he and Chely shared in common the wounds and healing that such a traffic confrontation induced trauma can cause. TKID4 discovered, no such comparisons existed. Here are the lyrics:
I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car
Says United States Marines
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- The opening stanza reveals a major assumption and arguably fatal flaw in Chely's opus. She assumes that the woman driver's motivation for shooting the bird is caused by the patriotic if caustic bumper sticker. Perhaps it was Chely's poor driving that started the confrontation. Perhaps the woman disagreed with Chely's choice of automobile, an SUV which many argue create the types of dependencies on foreign fossil fuels which necessitate U.S. military interventions overseas. Feminists should decry the stereotype this song reinforces regarding the ineptitude of women drivers. They should also lighten up.
See, my brother Chris, he's been in for more than 14 years now
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam
Did his duty then he got out
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Here Chely is quite defensive in justifying her use of the sticker. She is obviously proud of her family's military heritage, but strangely doesn't explicitly state that any of those members served in the Marines. We don't know where "Chris" is serving or in what capacity, but the vagueries of the statement lead TKID4 to think he may be in the Penn. "Dad" was in the Navy during Vietnam, but we don't know where he was stationed and if he actually served in the Vietnam area of operations, and Grandpa, while a battlefield hero, would have been in the Army or Navy if he served in the European theater in WWII, not in the Marines. There is also the cryptic line about her father doing his duty and then getting out. It is as if she is apologizing for him taking part in the Vietnam conflict and stressing that he had no choice and ceased as soon as he was able. TKID4 wonders how many U.S. servicepersons feel that way at present.
But that doesn't mean that I want war
I'm not Republican or Democrat
But I've gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand
Yes, I do have questions
I get to ask them because I'm free
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- More anti-war rhetoric, and a disavowing of the U.S. two party system. TKID4 wonders if Chely is a member of the Green party, or maybe the Libertarians, or possibly the socialists, given her anti-Vietnam stance above. Perhaps she isn't registered to vote. But she has traveled the world in search of answers to her "questions." She discusses this more in the next anti-warish stanza.
'Cause I've been to Hiroshima
And I've been to the DMZ
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad
Still don't have all of the answers I need
But I guess I wanna know where she's been
Before she judges and gestures to me
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Is Chely speaking of her personal experiences or of the war record of Marines in these lyrics? The reference to Hiroshima appears to be a thinly veiled attack on U.S. war time policies. And if she is referring to the Korean peninsula DMZ, this might be an exposure of prior U.S. military failings. The overall theme is developing here of supporting the troops while questioning the war. However Chely's version has the pseudo-patriotic delivery that John Kerry lacked when grumbling the same message last fall. Before the straddling theme is totally developed, the writer jumps back into the cat fight with the minivan driver. There is the assumption, bordering on clinical paranoia, that Chely is being "judged" by this random person. This suspicion turns to homicidal rage below. A hint of things to come is found when Chely obsesses about the driver's background and "where she's been."
So I hope that lady in her mini-van
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school
And drives home safely on our city streets
Or to the building where her church group meets
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Chely appears to know an awful lot of personal information on this random person. Has she been stalking this poor woman to learn her habits? I've heard of road rage but this is premeditation all the way. Chely knows about her family, where her children go to school, what church they attend. The record exec's may have forced her to drop the line, "And I won't stop until they are all dead." Either that or Chely is making the kind of assumptions about this woman based on the fact she is a female driving a mini van as this woman is accused of doing about the singer and her sticker.
I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car
Says United States Marines
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- The opening stanza reveals a major assumption and arguably fatal flaw in Chely's opus. She assumes that the woman driver's motivation for shooting the bird is caused by the patriotic if caustic bumper sticker. Perhaps it was Chely's poor driving that started the confrontation. Perhaps the woman disagreed with Chely's choice of automobile, an SUV which many argue create the types of dependencies on foreign fossil fuels which necessitate U.S. military interventions overseas. Feminists should decry the stereotype this song reinforces regarding the ineptitude of women drivers. They should also lighten up.
See, my brother Chris, he's been in for more than 14 years now
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam
Did his duty then he got out
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Here Chely is quite defensive in justifying her use of the sticker. She is obviously proud of her family's military heritage, but strangely doesn't explicitly state that any of those members served in the Marines. We don't know where "Chris" is serving or in what capacity, but the vagueries of the statement lead TKID4 to think he may be in the Penn. "Dad" was in the Navy during Vietnam, but we don't know where he was stationed and if he actually served in the Vietnam area of operations, and Grandpa, while a battlefield hero, would have been in the Army or Navy if he served in the European theater in WWII, not in the Marines. There is also the cryptic line about her father doing his duty and then getting out. It is as if she is apologizing for him taking part in the Vietnam conflict and stressing that he had no choice and ceased as soon as he was able. TKID4 wonders how many U.S. servicepersons feel that way at present.
But that doesn't mean that I want war
I'm not Republican or Democrat
But I've gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand
Yes, I do have questions
I get to ask them because I'm free
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- More anti-war rhetoric, and a disavowing of the U.S. two party system. TKID4 wonders if Chely is a member of the Green party, or maybe the Libertarians, or possibly the socialists, given her anti-Vietnam stance above. Perhaps she isn't registered to vote. But she has traveled the world in search of answers to her "questions." She discusses this more in the next anti-warish stanza.
'Cause I've been to Hiroshima
And I've been to the DMZ
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad
Still don't have all of the answers I need
But I guess I wanna know where she's been
Before she judges and gestures to me
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Is Chely speaking of her personal experiences or of the war record of Marines in these lyrics? The reference to Hiroshima appears to be a thinly veiled attack on U.S. war time policies. And if she is referring to the Korean peninsula DMZ, this might be an exposure of prior U.S. military failings. The overall theme is developing here of supporting the troops while questioning the war. However Chely's version has the pseudo-patriotic delivery that John Kerry lacked when grumbling the same message last fall. Before the straddling theme is totally developed, the writer jumps back into the cat fight with the minivan driver. There is the assumption, bordering on clinical paranoia, that Chely is being "judged" by this random person. This suspicion turns to homicidal rage below. A hint of things to come is found when Chely obsesses about the driver's background and "where she's been."
So I hope that lady in her mini-van
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school
And drives home safely on our city streets
Or to the building where her church group meets
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Chely appears to know an awful lot of personal information on this random person. Has she been stalking this poor woman to learn her habits? I've heard of road rage but this is premeditation all the way. Chely knows about her family, where her children go to school, what church they attend. The record exec's may have forced her to drop the line, "And I won't stop until they are all dead." Either that or Chely is making the kind of assumptions about this woman based on the fact she is a female driving a mini van as this woman is accused of doing about the singer and her sticker.
Jul 1, 2005
Gandhi Bashing
Liberals and their lackeys, those jackals in the media, are pouncing over Henry Kissinger today after more trancripts from the massive audio tape archives of former president Richard Nixon were released.
The taped conversation between Nixon and Kissinger took place in 1971, when Kissinger was U.S. Secretary of State. Apparently the PC-obsessed leftwingers think old Henry's language was a bit strong. Snippets from the discussion, which focused on India's then president, Indira Gandhi, and that country's march to war over Bangladesh, follow below.
"We really slobbered over the old witch," says President Nixon said of Gandhi.
"The Indians are bastards anyway," says Mr Kissinger. "They are starting a war there."
He adds: "While she was a bitch, we got what we wanted too. She will not be able to go home and say that the United States didn't give her a warm reception and therefore in despair she's got to go to war."
This controversy is nothing more than a tempest in a teapot and an attempt by weak-willed liberals to bash the legacy of a truly great man. First of all, its Dr. Kissinger, dammit. The man was trying to accomplish amazing things, like stopping the insidious spread of Communism. If some Indian president lady had to get trashed in the process, so the heck what?
The below, also taken from the tapes, has further raised hackles.
Kissinger: They are the most aggressive goddamn people around there.
Nixon: The Indians?
Kissinger: Yeah.
Nixon: Sure.
OK, seriously, who can challenge the accuracy of this exchange? Indians are aggressive. Look at Indira Gandhi's predecessor, Mahatma Gandhi. Don't let Hollywood's liberal-tainted portrayal of that wildman fool you. Nonviolent my ass. Gandhi would punch you in the face as soon as look at you. Always tapping around with that cane, what a charade. The cane, as conservative bloggers have conclusively proven, contained a high-powered rifle and various torture devices. Now, Dr. Kissinger was a great thinker. But George W. is cut from a tougher metal. If he had been around to deal with Gandhi or his uppity successor, well, you can bet freedom would have been on the march in the Indian subcontinent.
The taped conversation between Nixon and Kissinger took place in 1971, when Kissinger was U.S. Secretary of State. Apparently the PC-obsessed leftwingers think old Henry's language was a bit strong. Snippets from the discussion, which focused on India's then president, Indira Gandhi, and that country's march to war over Bangladesh, follow below.
"We really slobbered over the old witch," says President Nixon said of Gandhi.
"The Indians are bastards anyway," says Mr Kissinger. "They are starting a war there."
He adds: "While she was a bitch, we got what we wanted too. She will not be able to go home and say that the United States didn't give her a warm reception and therefore in despair she's got to go to war."
This controversy is nothing more than a tempest in a teapot and an attempt by weak-willed liberals to bash the legacy of a truly great man. First of all, its Dr. Kissinger, dammit. The man was trying to accomplish amazing things, like stopping the insidious spread of Communism. If some Indian president lady had to get trashed in the process, so the heck what?
The below, also taken from the tapes, has further raised hackles.
Kissinger: They are the most aggressive goddamn people around there.
Nixon: The Indians?
Kissinger: Yeah.
Nixon: Sure.
OK, seriously, who can challenge the accuracy of this exchange? Indians are aggressive. Look at Indira Gandhi's predecessor, Mahatma Gandhi. Don't let Hollywood's liberal-tainted portrayal of that wildman fool you. Nonviolent my ass. Gandhi would punch you in the face as soon as look at you. Always tapping around with that cane, what a charade. The cane, as conservative bloggers have conclusively proven, contained a high-powered rifle and various torture devices. Now, Dr. Kissinger was a great thinker. But George W. is cut from a tougher metal. If he had been around to deal with Gandhi or his uppity successor, well, you can bet freedom would have been on the march in the Indian subcontinent.
Jun 29, 2005
Call to Arms
Last night, while TKID5 was sipping a Corona on his couch, he listened as President Bush extolled the progress of our nation's toils in Iraq, urging patience and resolve. It was a hell of a speech. One aspect, however, stuck in this kid's craw:
"To those considering military service, there is no higher calling than service in the armed forces," Bush said.
The president's pitch for signing-up had a profound effect on me. Of course I'm a true patriot, having supported the war from the get-go. But, am I doing enough for the cause? Is my yellow ribbon bumper sticker proof that I'm a good American?
Yes. It is. Now see, in this, the world's greatest country, some people are meant to do the fighting while others take care of business on the home front. I'm one of those cats with an uncanny knack with numbers and schmoozing, which means my place in life is earning the big bucks, then watching them trickle down, helping our economy and the war effort.
This philosophy is not unique. In fact, many conservative heroes have espoused similar arguments for taking a pass on military service, most notable VP Cheney, who said he had "other priorities" during Vietnam and Tom DeLay, who famously remarked that ceding his slot during that war to a less lucky man was a charitable act, by giving a leg up to someone from those lower classes. Good on them, I say.
Now, if I could swing a deal like President Bush did back in 'Nam, that would be a different story. I'd love to fly a sweet jet like the F-102 Delta Dagger: http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/air_power/ap54.htm, as long as I could confine that service to the odd weekend here and there, while still being able to enjoy the night life, as did Bush. During the war, the future president and tough guy Texan lived in a deluxe apartment complex called Chateau Dijon, complete with a huge swimming pool, and often rolled around Houston in his Triumph, slaying the ladies. That's living. (The bachelor's tale: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/6482734?pageid=rs.Politics&pageregion=single4)
But, alas, the part-time fighter jock gig isn't what you get when you sign up for the national guard or the reserve these days. Word is, practically as soon as they scribble their John Hanckocks, today's reservists are handed a rifle and dropped down on the streets of Mosul or Fallujah. No thanks. Besides, my country needs me here. Did I mention that I have a yellow ribbon bumper sticker on SUV?
"To those considering military service, there is no higher calling than service in the armed forces," Bush said.
The president's pitch for signing-up had a profound effect on me. Of course I'm a true patriot, having supported the war from the get-go. But, am I doing enough for the cause? Is my yellow ribbon bumper sticker proof that I'm a good American?
Yes. It is. Now see, in this, the world's greatest country, some people are meant to do the fighting while others take care of business on the home front. I'm one of those cats with an uncanny knack with numbers and schmoozing, which means my place in life is earning the big bucks, then watching them trickle down, helping our economy and the war effort.
This philosophy is not unique. In fact, many conservative heroes have espoused similar arguments for taking a pass on military service, most notable VP Cheney, who said he had "other priorities" during Vietnam and Tom DeLay, who famously remarked that ceding his slot during that war to a less lucky man was a charitable act, by giving a leg up to someone from those lower classes. Good on them, I say.
Now, if I could swing a deal like President Bush did back in 'Nam, that would be a different story. I'd love to fly a sweet jet like the F-102 Delta Dagger: http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/air_power/ap54.htm, as long as I could confine that service to the odd weekend here and there, while still being able to enjoy the night life, as did Bush. During the war, the future president and tough guy Texan lived in a deluxe apartment complex called Chateau Dijon, complete with a huge swimming pool, and often rolled around Houston in his Triumph, slaying the ladies. That's living. (The bachelor's tale: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/6482734?pageid=rs.Politics&pageregion=single4)
But, alas, the part-time fighter jock gig isn't what you get when you sign up for the national guard or the reserve these days. Word is, practically as soon as they scribble their John Hanckocks, today's reservists are handed a rifle and dropped down on the streets of Mosul or Fallujah. No thanks. Besides, my country needs me here. Did I mention that I have a yellow ribbon bumper sticker on SUV?
Jun 28, 2005
God-Lovers At Their Finest
TKID5 is all for protesting the tyranny of secularism. But a conservative group's random protest on Monday of the funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq seems to go a bit far. In fact, I have no clue what this group, under the leadership of their God-like leader, Rev. Fred Phelps, are trying to say. The good Reverend hates gays. That much is clear. He blames our nation's "tolerance" of gays for the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Therefore, he is taking his group to protest the funerals of soldiers -- non-gay soldiers -- who are killed in the war in Iraq. The following quote, taken from an LA Times story, is their explanation for protesting outside of a soldier's funeral that was held in Massachusetts on Monday.
"We are protesting the sins of this nation," Phelps-Roper [a lawyer for the group] said. "That doesn't exclude him."
OK.
Apparently the local police department's bagpipe band drowned out the protesters when they'd pipe up with their little slogans.
"We are protesting the sins of this nation," Phelps-Roper [a lawyer for the group] said. "That doesn't exclude him."
OK.
Apparently the local police department's bagpipe band drowned out the protesters when they'd pipe up with their little slogans.
Jun 24, 2005
Back to War
To all of my readers, both of you, my deepest apologies. TKID's Blog has indeed been dormant of late, like a liquor store on a Sunday morning, and I have little excuse. Nonetheless, I will hazard one. The One And Only TKID recently paid me, and the fine ladies of this town, a visit. It was one hell of a tour, and the worst bender this kid has seen since that weekend in Vegas, Circus Circus to be exact, circa 1998. Bygones. Suffice to say that the reek of booze and sleepless evenings put the noble pursuit of truth that is TKID's Blog on the back burner.
When I awoke from my stupor, my guilt was stoked beyond the usual hungover self-revulsion by the heroic comments of my role model, the brilliant Karl Rove. This man, the moral compass that TKID5 looks to on dark days, offered inspiring words to a gathering in NYC this weekend. A snippet follows:
"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers," Rove said.
After reading this line, I flashed back to that horrid day, where, over drinks at my local watering hole, I witnessed just this sort of treachery. Everywhere, liberals were applauding the terrorists, offering explanations for their actions, and discussing the need to ship therapists to Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. I was outraged, and went home to polish my .22 rifle. Before long, I was practicing my marching in the back yard, and summoning the courage to sign up for the special forces. After banging out 25 pushups - in one session - I knew I was ready for the Navy Seals. But on the way to the Marine Corps recruiting center, I spotted the beckoning neon of Coors Light at a fine public house, and the rest is history.
Needless to say, my shame is complete. But now, with the words of encouragement from Karl Rove, I realize it's time for me to go to war. I'm putting down this beer, and doing crunches right now.
Over, and out!
When I awoke from my stupor, my guilt was stoked beyond the usual hungover self-revulsion by the heroic comments of my role model, the brilliant Karl Rove. This man, the moral compass that TKID5 looks to on dark days, offered inspiring words to a gathering in NYC this weekend. A snippet follows:
"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers," Rove said.
After reading this line, I flashed back to that horrid day, where, over drinks at my local watering hole, I witnessed just this sort of treachery. Everywhere, liberals were applauding the terrorists, offering explanations for their actions, and discussing the need to ship therapists to Saudi Arabia and Pakistan. I was outraged, and went home to polish my .22 rifle. Before long, I was practicing my marching in the back yard, and summoning the courage to sign up for the special forces. After banging out 25 pushups - in one session - I knew I was ready for the Navy Seals. But on the way to the Marine Corps recruiting center, I spotted the beckoning neon of Coors Light at a fine public house, and the rest is history.
Needless to say, my shame is complete. But now, with the words of encouragement from Karl Rove, I realize it's time for me to go to war. I'm putting down this beer, and doing crunches right now.
Over, and out!
Jun 16, 2005
Man vs. Monkey vs. Mutant
Creationism proponents took one step backward today as they were forced to concede that God did not create MAN in his image, but rather, MOST MEN. This startling retraction from earlier Biblical dogma was prompted by the recent uncovery of one Brian Peppers. Peppers, a nice guy from Ohio, seems to be more of a mutant than a man. Yet, according to Evolutionists Inc., Brian is most definitely a man. His pedigree is well documented here. Evolutionists spokesman Raymond Fitzchandler challenged Kansas State Board of Education members at a town hall meeting last Wednesday night with photos of Mr. Peppers. He stated to the panel, "Do you think God looks like this guy? I tell you what, if I was shown a picture of this dude in Sunday School back in the day and told he was the Almighty, I would have jumped out the window. My God is white with a big beard and flowing robes, not some C.H.U.D."
Seth Nightingale, spokesman for Creationismists.Org, a think tank organization based in St. Louis that has provided much needed support to several Kansas Education Board officials, refuted Fitzchandler. "Our opponents are assuming that Mr. Peppers really is a man. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he's the dreaded Puerto Rican Chupacabra monster. I don't know. What I do know is if he is designated a man, he belongs to that group of sub-humans that were not created in God's own image."
TKID4 is currently researching various Biblical tomes for references of monkeys and apes. So far he hasn't come up with one word about our simian cousins. Mostly its just talk about walking around in a desert. As far as TKID4 is concerned, that's one point for creationists.
Seth Nightingale, spokesman for Creationismists.Org, a think tank organization based in St. Louis that has provided much needed support to several Kansas Education Board officials, refuted Fitzchandler. "Our opponents are assuming that Mr. Peppers really is a man. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he's the dreaded Puerto Rican Chupacabra monster. I don't know. What I do know is if he is designated a man, he belongs to that group of sub-humans that were not created in God's own image."
TKID4 is currently researching various Biblical tomes for references of monkeys and apes. So far he hasn't come up with one word about our simian cousins. Mostly its just talk about walking around in a desert. As far as TKID4 is concerned, that's one point for creationists.
Jun 15, 2005
Fairy Tales About Gods and Monkeys
It's getting hot over at the Kansas State Board of Education, where boardmembers are currently debating the relative merits of teaching evolution and/or intelligent design, TKID5's favorite explanation of how the majesty that is me came to be. The AP reports that boardmembers are slinging insults with reckless abandon, and that an aggressive letter from Connie Morris of the board is stirring up angst.
In the letter, the AP reports, "Morris derided evolution as an 'age-old fairy tale,' sometimes defended with 'anti-God contempt and arrogance.' She wrote that evolution is 'a theory in crisis' and headlined one section of her newsletter 'The Evolutionists are in Panic Mode!'"
Anti-God fairy tales always freaked-out TKID5 when he was a wee lad, particularly ones about how my ancestors were monkeys that had mutated over millions of years, eventually evolving to the shimmering beauty of my God-like form.
Actually, I preferred other fairy tales, the ones told to me in bible class. My favorite was the one about how a mysterious, male deity created all that there is in six days, resting on the seventh, because although he was all powerful, he must've been tired. The only aspect of this otherwise comforting story that bothered me was the fact that the God-man worked for six straight days. TKID5 ain't doing that, no way.
In the letter, the AP reports, "Morris derided evolution as an 'age-old fairy tale,' sometimes defended with 'anti-God contempt and arrogance.' She wrote that evolution is 'a theory in crisis' and headlined one section of her newsletter 'The Evolutionists are in Panic Mode!'"
Anti-God fairy tales always freaked-out TKID5 when he was a wee lad, particularly ones about how my ancestors were monkeys that had mutated over millions of years, eventually evolving to the shimmering beauty of my God-like form.
Actually, I preferred other fairy tales, the ones told to me in bible class. My favorite was the one about how a mysterious, male deity created all that there is in six days, resting on the seventh, because although he was all powerful, he must've been tired. The only aspect of this otherwise comforting story that bothered me was the fact that the God-man worked for six straight days. TKID5 ain't doing that, no way.
Jun 14, 2005
The Empire Strikes Back
After a week in which Howard Dean, the dem's pitbull, took potshots at helpless Republicans, somebody final had the verve and gusto to fight fire with fire.
Calling Howard Dean "over the top," Vice President Dick Cheney decried Dean's insensitive and inflammatory comments, adding that Dean is "not the kind of individual you want to have representing your political party."
Damn skippy, Dick.
"I've never been able to understand his appeal. Maybe his mother loved him, but I've never met anybody who does. He's never won anything, as best I can tell," Cheney said in the interview with Fox News Channel.
Sure, some of those wussy liberals might whine that Cheney took the low road by bringing Dean's mother into his heroic bashing of the Vermont pansy. But seriously, who among us could call the Dickster anything other than an honorable, decent man?
God speed, VP Cheney!
Calling Howard Dean "over the top," Vice President Dick Cheney decried Dean's insensitive and inflammatory comments, adding that Dean is "not the kind of individual you want to have representing your political party."
Damn skippy, Dick.
"I've never been able to understand his appeal. Maybe his mother loved him, but I've never met anybody who does. He's never won anything, as best I can tell," Cheney said in the interview with Fox News Channel.
Sure, some of those wussy liberals might whine that Cheney took the low road by bringing Dean's mother into his heroic bashing of the Vermont pansy. But seriously, who among us could call the Dickster anything other than an honorable, decent man?
God speed, VP Cheney!
Jun 10, 2005
Crossing Over
TKID4 is a big fan of John Edward, self-proclaimed medium and until recently television star. His show "Crossing Over" was cancelled due to poor ratings but his contribution to society lives on. Many fans were crushed by the sudden cancellation of his show. One in particular created a moving web tribute to the psychic-stud, as can be seen here. Be sure and have a box of skin-sensitive tissues nearby when you open this page though, as the musical tribute to this man will move you to otherworldly tears.
One conservative watchdog group is comparing the talents of John Edward to failed V.P. candidate and personal injury attorney John Edwards. Apparently Edwards claimed at trial to be channeling his cerebral palsy-afflicted client's words through him and into the jurors' ears. The jury later awarded the plaintiff several million dollars.
Both Johns may have more free time on their hands at the moment, but John Edward has left the t.v. studio in favor of a lengthy international tour. Prices at several of the venues, including major cities Chicago, NYC and South Florida run $175 pp. For his reluctant trips to the sticks, including Cleveland, Minneapolis and Salt Lake, $59 gets you in the door. No word if the accuracy of Edward's cold calls increase as the ticket prices escalate.
TKID4 will be sending its NYC correspondent Ted "TKed" Kiegals to Edward's appearance there in late summer. Please feel free to write in with questions you may like us to ask John at that time. None of those questions will be asked however, as John doesn't allow much from his audience members except for "yes," "no" and "who should I make this check out to?"
One conservative watchdog group is comparing the talents of John Edward to failed V.P. candidate and personal injury attorney John Edwards. Apparently Edwards claimed at trial to be channeling his cerebral palsy-afflicted client's words through him and into the jurors' ears. The jury later awarded the plaintiff several million dollars.
Both Johns may have more free time on their hands at the moment, but John Edward has left the t.v. studio in favor of a lengthy international tour. Prices at several of the venues, including major cities Chicago, NYC and South Florida run $175 pp. For his reluctant trips to the sticks, including Cleveland, Minneapolis and Salt Lake, $59 gets you in the door. No word if the accuracy of Edward's cold calls increase as the ticket prices escalate.
TKID4 will be sending its NYC correspondent Ted "TKed" Kiegals to Edward's appearance there in late summer. Please feel free to write in with questions you may like us to ask John at that time. None of those questions will be asked however, as John doesn't allow much from his audience members except for "yes," "no" and "who should I make this check out to?"
Jun 3, 2005
Tazy Days of Summer
TKID2 believes that in America, if you speed in your vehicle, you deserve to have several thousand volts surging through your veins, multiple times, as this video shows.
TKID2 doesn't know the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 from his Ps2, but he knows that this nation needs a strong military-type presence in its streets, Baghdad-stylee, and the taser is the first line of civil defense in the war on criminals, thugs, and the underprivileged. Like the catchy-cop phrase "Click it or Ticket," it is important that would-be lead footers live by the mantra, "Slow down or get internally bar-b-qued." Of course, tasers will be of little use to our law enforcement personnel when the robots arise to revolt against their flesh-masters. That is why we need to conquer space, so that future Americans can slip the surly bonds of a future robot infested earth and live large in floating space colonies in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt.
TKID2 doesn't know the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878 from his Ps2, but he knows that this nation needs a strong military-type presence in its streets, Baghdad-stylee, and the taser is the first line of civil defense in the war on criminals, thugs, and the underprivileged. Like the catchy-cop phrase "Click it or Ticket," it is important that would-be lead footers live by the mantra, "Slow down or get internally bar-b-qued." Of course, tasers will be of little use to our law enforcement personnel when the robots arise to revolt against their flesh-masters. That is why we need to conquer space, so that future Americans can slip the surly bonds of a future robot infested earth and live large in floating space colonies in the vicinity of the Van Allen Belt.
In Deep Qaa Qaa
The U.N. announced that its "satellite imagery experts" have determined that some rather nasty dual-use WMD material has been removed from 109 different locations in Iraq since 2003. One site which caught the attention of inspectors was the Qaa Qaa industrial complex south of Baghdad, where a substantial amount of chemical manufacturing equip and material has turned up missing.
U.N. inspectors have not been allowed on the ground in Iraq since the start of the war but continue to monitor through satellite photos sites known to contain chem and bio weapons manfuacturing equipment. This announcement is included in a report to the U.N. Security Council which does not contain indications of where this voluminous material may have ended up. TKID4 was provided exclusive photos of southern Iraq by a source deep within the Galactic Empire which showed what appeared to be Jawa Sandcrawler tracks streaking across the vast desert. Whether there is any connection between the fictional nomadic midget sand traders and the material theft remains to be seen.
There has been no response from U.S. authorities to the U.N. report, but TKID4 is betting that this material was ferreted away long ago by U.S. Special Forces. This does produce the troubling thought however that the U.S. government was withholding their activities from the U.N. The only uranium-tip producing chink in the armor of my theory that Uncle Sam is behind the house cleaning in Iraq are previous reports from the U.N. commission charged with monitoring the sites, known as UNMOVIC, which disclosed the discovery of material from several of the looted sites showing up in Jordan and the Netherlands. With this equipment making its way to Europe most likely by sea, TKID4 is wondering if the Bush Administration was right all along. Perhaps Iraq did have WMD's (or at least the capacity to make them). For those who long for the days when such material was accounted for, TKID4 asks you this. Would you rather have them concentrated in the hands of a madman like Saddam, or on several hundred non-descript global containment ships pulling up to a harbor near you?
U.N. inspectors have not been allowed on the ground in Iraq since the start of the war but continue to monitor through satellite photos sites known to contain chem and bio weapons manfuacturing equipment. This announcement is included in a report to the U.N. Security Council which does not contain indications of where this voluminous material may have ended up. TKID4 was provided exclusive photos of southern Iraq by a source deep within the Galactic Empire which showed what appeared to be Jawa Sandcrawler tracks streaking across the vast desert. Whether there is any connection between the fictional nomadic midget sand traders and the material theft remains to be seen.
There has been no response from U.S. authorities to the U.N. report, but TKID4 is betting that this material was ferreted away long ago by U.S. Special Forces. This does produce the troubling thought however that the U.S. government was withholding their activities from the U.N. The only uranium-tip producing chink in the armor of my theory that Uncle Sam is behind the house cleaning in Iraq are previous reports from the U.N. commission charged with monitoring the sites, known as UNMOVIC, which disclosed the discovery of material from several of the looted sites showing up in Jordan and the Netherlands. With this equipment making its way to Europe most likely by sea, TKID4 is wondering if the Bush Administration was right all along. Perhaps Iraq did have WMD's (or at least the capacity to make them). For those who long for the days when such material was accounted for, TKID4 asks you this. Would you rather have them concentrated in the hands of a madman like Saddam, or on several hundred non-descript global containment ships pulling up to a harbor near you?
conservative v. liberal babes
Two of TKID5's favorite conservative commentators are Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. Their scathing critiques of liberalism and its ilk are top notch. Remember Coulter's line about killing all the leaders of Muslim countries? That was awesome! However, one theory proposed by these two, which seems to be gaining salience among my fellow blog/talk radio partisans, is that liberals no longer tout the hot chicks among their ranks. They assert that the hotties are now fully in the pantheon of the conservative revolution, while liberals are left with wrinkled hippies. One common explanation for this shift is that the good looking ladies are bellwethers of social change; that the ladies are flocking to the paradigm of our time, which is a return to good old American traditional values, and that wherever the female cuties go, men will follow.
Though TKID5 desperately wants this to be true, he finds little evidence to back this heavenly theory. Coulter and Malkin may be geniuses, but hot? Oh my gawd. Just the thought of Coulter naked gives me the chills. She looks like Buffalo Bill in a blonde wig. And whenever TKID5 goes to a rightwing party - perhaps a strategy session or a book burning - he sees a lot of suits and a few church ladies. Let's face it, the righteous, Godly chicks are butt. Though TKID5 likes to espouse family values in his politics, that no sex until marriage thing is not part of his credo. And the Christian rock scene? No thanks. I don't need to listen to some wanker yapping about the New Testament over Deep Purple chords while a plumper who would only go missionary-style - if I was lucky - does that awful Jenna Bush "hook 'em horns" sign with her tongue hanging out.
On the other hand, whenever TKID5 traipses around enemy territory - the dens of liberal hell like NYC, Chicago or SF - he spots rampant numbers of hotties. Of course, these ladies sniff out my family values style before I can tell them I'm a Senate staffer who believes in faith-based giving (I'm all about giving, baby), but I'm not sure those lines would even work with them. And just the thought of their liberal, free-living ways, the lifestyle of the modern woman, makes TKID5 desperately jealous of those crunchy, sissy liberal guys.
Oh well, back to perusing my conservative dating service.
Though TKID5 desperately wants this to be true, he finds little evidence to back this heavenly theory. Coulter and Malkin may be geniuses, but hot? Oh my gawd. Just the thought of Coulter naked gives me the chills. She looks like Buffalo Bill in a blonde wig. And whenever TKID5 goes to a rightwing party - perhaps a strategy session or a book burning - he sees a lot of suits and a few church ladies. Let's face it, the righteous, Godly chicks are butt. Though TKID5 likes to espouse family values in his politics, that no sex until marriage thing is not part of his credo. And the Christian rock scene? No thanks. I don't need to listen to some wanker yapping about the New Testament over Deep Purple chords while a plumper who would only go missionary-style - if I was lucky - does that awful Jenna Bush "hook 'em horns" sign with her tongue hanging out.
On the other hand, whenever TKID5 traipses around enemy territory - the dens of liberal hell like NYC, Chicago or SF - he spots rampant numbers of hotties. Of course, these ladies sniff out my family values style before I can tell them I'm a Senate staffer who believes in faith-based giving (I'm all about giving, baby), but I'm not sure those lines would even work with them. And just the thought of their liberal, free-living ways, the lifestyle of the modern woman, makes TKID5 desperately jealous of those crunchy, sissy liberal guys.
Oh well, back to perusing my conservative dating service.
Jun 1, 2005
Till We Meet Again
The FBI is about to exhume the body of Emmett Till, a young man murdered a half century ago in the deep south. Till was resting in a cemetery in the Chicago suburb of Alsip, IL before Federal Agents probed the peaceful earth with their shovels to locate the corpse. Authorities erected a white tent where friends and family of Till gathered for a memorial service. Then workers brought in a backhoe and started digging overnight to expose the concrete vault holding his remains.
Till was visiting relatives in Mississippi 50 years ago when it is claimed he whistled at a white store clerk. He was later kidnapped in the middle of the night and found several days later in the Tallahatchie River. He had been tortured and shot. There was a trial of several suspects followed by an expected acquittal. No autopsy was ever done.
The purpose of the exhumation is reportedly to determine the cause of death and more importantly, to investigate whether additional people beyond the men originally tried for the killing may have been responsible. Even with additional evidence, prosecution of those responsible may be difficult if not impossible, since many men previously implicated in the murder have since passed away and those still alive are just hanging on at age 75 and above.
TKID4 for one is resting easy knowing the FBI is devoting its strained resources to studying a murder that occurred 50 years ago rather than hunting down domestic terrorist cells which are at this minute planning to attack unguarded nuclear power plants across the nation. I can forgive the Bureau for bumbling the entire pre-911 investigation of Al-Qaeda activities at flight schools leading to the deaths of over 2500 people as well as two wars, but I will not rest until the G-Men painstakingly exhume the body of James Dean to determine whether he really did die while driving his porsche recklessly one evening in 1955, or....if it was murder.
In other news, the FBI is considering digging up the mass grave at Wounded Knee, South Dakota, to understand exactly how those injuns died. One theory holds that several dozen U.S. Army Officer's rifles discharged unexpectedly into the crowd of unarmed Native Americans due to a French manufacturer's design defect. If proven true, hopefully this new evidence would exonerate the U.S. Government from years of accusations that it conducted a systemized campaign of genocide versus Native Americans and allow for the privatization of Federal Indian Reservations and the utilzation of its inhabitants cheap labor supply.
Till was visiting relatives in Mississippi 50 years ago when it is claimed he whistled at a white store clerk. He was later kidnapped in the middle of the night and found several days later in the Tallahatchie River. He had been tortured and shot. There was a trial of several suspects followed by an expected acquittal. No autopsy was ever done.
The purpose of the exhumation is reportedly to determine the cause of death and more importantly, to investigate whether additional people beyond the men originally tried for the killing may have been responsible. Even with additional evidence, prosecution of those responsible may be difficult if not impossible, since many men previously implicated in the murder have since passed away and those still alive are just hanging on at age 75 and above.
TKID4 for one is resting easy knowing the FBI is devoting its strained resources to studying a murder that occurred 50 years ago rather than hunting down domestic terrorist cells which are at this minute planning to attack unguarded nuclear power plants across the nation. I can forgive the Bureau for bumbling the entire pre-911 investigation of Al-Qaeda activities at flight schools leading to the deaths of over 2500 people as well as two wars, but I will not rest until the G-Men painstakingly exhume the body of James Dean to determine whether he really did die while driving his porsche recklessly one evening in 1955, or....if it was murder.
In other news, the FBI is considering digging up the mass grave at Wounded Knee, South Dakota, to understand exactly how those injuns died. One theory holds that several dozen U.S. Army Officer's rifles discharged unexpectedly into the crowd of unarmed Native Americans due to a French manufacturer's design defect. If proven true, hopefully this new evidence would exonerate the U.S. Government from years of accusations that it conducted a systemized campaign of genocide versus Native Americans and allow for the privatization of Federal Indian Reservations and the utilzation of its inhabitants cheap labor supply.
May 27, 2005
I Heart (Hate) NY
Like many conservatives, we here at TKID's Blog were upset about the events of 9/11, not least of which because we were put in the unenviable position of having to pretend that we love New York City. Clearly, no place on the planet (with the possible exception of Paris and Moscow) is as antithetical to The American Way of Life as are that island chain of heathens that make up the five boroughs of NYC. Nevertheless, I was forced to put on a hat that read "FDNY" like everybody else in my Red State stomping grounds and act as if I, too, were part New Yorker.
Well, the statute of limitations has clearly been reached; it's once again acceptable to admit a general loathing of NYC. It makes me sick to even think of those effete liberals and gays who prance around those gilded city streets, walking their poodles with golden leashes, ordering around their au pairs and scooping up caviar by the gallon. Those people clearly hate America and everything it stands for.
TKID5 speaks from experience. He once visited Manhattan, and though he's a big enough man to admit that it wasn't quite what he expected - the crowds of immigrants, the bustle, grime, noise and palpable energy was downright frightening - he still hated the place. The time has come for all of us to proudly admit our NYC hatred. And I'll take it a step further: we here at TKID's Blog propose a forced secession of NYC for treason against things American. We can process all New Yorkers at Ellis Island, stripping their citizenship and, if they're hot, strip-search them. Then, we can barricade off Manhattan like they did in "Escape from New York." We'll all be much better off once this is accomplished.
Well, the statute of limitations has clearly been reached; it's once again acceptable to admit a general loathing of NYC. It makes me sick to even think of those effete liberals and gays who prance around those gilded city streets, walking their poodles with golden leashes, ordering around their au pairs and scooping up caviar by the gallon. Those people clearly hate America and everything it stands for.
TKID5 speaks from experience. He once visited Manhattan, and though he's a big enough man to admit that it wasn't quite what he expected - the crowds of immigrants, the bustle, grime, noise and palpable energy was downright frightening - he still hated the place. The time has come for all of us to proudly admit our NYC hatred. And I'll take it a step further: we here at TKID's Blog propose a forced secession of NYC for treason against things American. We can process all New Yorkers at Ellis Island, stripping their citizenship and, if they're hot, strip-search them. Then, we can barricade off Manhattan like they did in "Escape from New York." We'll all be much better off once this is accomplished.
May 26, 2005
Lovely Di Rita
Terrorist suspects held at Guantanamo Bay prison told U.S. interrogators in April 2002 that military guards abused them and desecrated the Quran, according to recently declassified FBI records.
Among allegations made were that, “The guards beat the detainees. They flushed a Quran in the toilet.”
Lawrence Di Rita, chief spokesman for Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, and one very attractive man TKID4 might add, countered by saying that the specific prisoner who made the earlier statement was later interviewed and “Did not corroborate his own allegation." Di Rita did not answer whether or not that prisoner was conscious at the time of the second interview.
When asked if he had an opinion as to why the prisoner did not affirm his previous allegation, Di Rita said, “It’s a judgment call, and I trust the judgment of the commanders more than I trust the judgment of al-Qaida.” By commanders, Di Rita was most likely referring to the types of U.S. senior personnel who embody the spirit of fair play and decency, such as Brigadier General Janis Karpinski, overseer of Abu "Good times" Gharib prison complex.
Rita said the charges of deliberate Quran desecration by U.S. military personnel were “fantastic” and “not credible on their face.” He cited the U.S. policy of dissuading behavior among guards which might inflame passions among the prisoners.
Furthermore, Di Rita said the Pentagon had not seen the FBI documents containing prisoner allegations until they were made public Wednesday by the American Civil Liberties Union, who got them after pressing for a federal court order under the Freedom of Information Act.
TKID4 wants to offer his support to Di Rita, one of America's true heroes. I believe Di Rita when he says the Pentagon had no idea what was going on at Guantanamo, and had no record of any of these prisoner interrogations. It may be true that Guantanamo is a U.S. military installation , and in many of these interrogations described in the FBI documents, military officers were present, including those from Air Force Office of Special Investigations, as well as Navy and Army investigations personnel. And it did take a private entity's tireless legal battle to uncover the heavily redacted documents. But with the U.S. military waging a constant war against Afghanistan, Iraq, and Freedom of the Press, why should we burden it with demands for transparency?
TKID4 supports the U.S. position on the treatment of these sub-humans in Cuba. As Di Rita claims, the Pentagon is the last entity that would want to inflame the passions of Guantanamo prisoners. That is why they hired independent female contractors to sexually interrogate conservative muslim prisoners at Gitmo, rather than real G.I.s or Feds.
Prior to joining up with The Ruminator, Di Rita worked at the socially oriented Heritage Foundation, a public policy research institute whose mission is to support "free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense."
Among allegations made were that, “The guards beat the detainees. They flushed a Quran in the toilet.”
Lawrence Di Rita, chief spokesman for Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, and one very attractive man TKID4 might add, countered by saying that the specific prisoner who made the earlier statement was later interviewed and “Did not corroborate his own allegation." Di Rita did not answer whether or not that prisoner was conscious at the time of the second interview.
When asked if he had an opinion as to why the prisoner did not affirm his previous allegation, Di Rita said, “It’s a judgment call, and I trust the judgment of the commanders more than I trust the judgment of al-Qaida.” By commanders, Di Rita was most likely referring to the types of U.S. senior personnel who embody the spirit of fair play and decency, such as Brigadier General Janis Karpinski, overseer of Abu "Good times" Gharib prison complex.
Rita said the charges of deliberate Quran desecration by U.S. military personnel were “fantastic” and “not credible on their face.” He cited the U.S. policy of dissuading behavior among guards which might inflame passions among the prisoners.
Furthermore, Di Rita said the Pentagon had not seen the FBI documents containing prisoner allegations until they were made public Wednesday by the American Civil Liberties Union, who got them after pressing for a federal court order under the Freedom of Information Act.
TKID4 wants to offer his support to Di Rita, one of America's true heroes. I believe Di Rita when he says the Pentagon had no idea what was going on at Guantanamo, and had no record of any of these prisoner interrogations. It may be true that Guantanamo is a U.S. military installation , and in many of these interrogations described in the FBI documents, military officers were present, including those from Air Force Office of Special Investigations, as well as Navy and Army investigations personnel. And it did take a private entity's tireless legal battle to uncover the heavily redacted documents. But with the U.S. military waging a constant war against Afghanistan, Iraq, and Freedom of the Press, why should we burden it with demands for transparency?
TKID4 supports the U.S. position on the treatment of these sub-humans in Cuba. As Di Rita claims, the Pentagon is the last entity that would want to inflame the passions of Guantanamo prisoners. That is why they hired independent female contractors to sexually interrogate conservative muslim prisoners at Gitmo, rather than real G.I.s or Feds.
Prior to joining up with The Ruminator, Di Rita worked at the socially oriented Heritage Foundation, a public policy research institute whose mission is to support "free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense."
May 24, 2005
Playing Detective
A person wearing a Darth Vader mask robbed a Springfield, IL movie theater last evening. Springfield Police however have no one in custody and have few leads. Amazingly, the police claim to have no suspects.
TKID 4 would like to reprimand the Springfield Police for their ineptitude in this matter. It is obvious to everyone that Darth Vader is the robber. He was postively identifed at the scene. He's been in the area recently. He's evil. And he's been seen in theaters all over the U.S. this past week.
Darth Vader assaulted a lowly theater employee and took an undetermined amount of cash before running out of the theater and into a nearby wooded area, most likely to gain access to his concealed Imperial tie-fighter. No weapons were displayed. Perhaps his light saber was being repaired. He probably pulled the phantom choke manuever too.
When will our heroes in uniform learn to see the truth for what it is. The sooner we realize that a dark force is threatening the Jedi Council, the better for all of us. And Leia.
TKID 4 would like to reprimand the Springfield Police for their ineptitude in this matter. It is obvious to everyone that Darth Vader is the robber. He was postively identifed at the scene. He's been in the area recently. He's evil. And he's been seen in theaters all over the U.S. this past week.
Darth Vader assaulted a lowly theater employee and took an undetermined amount of cash before running out of the theater and into a nearby wooded area, most likely to gain access to his concealed Imperial tie-fighter. No weapons were displayed. Perhaps his light saber was being repaired. He probably pulled the phantom choke manuever too.
When will our heroes in uniform learn to see the truth for what it is. The sooner we realize that a dark force is threatening the Jedi Council, the better for all of us. And Leia.
May 18, 2005
Space Riots
President Bush will wisely approve a national security directive in several days which will move the United States closer to fielding offensive and defensive space weapons. As in space lasers and stuff. With the recent failings of the U.S. Space Shuttle program and the International Space Station, the implementation of such a directive would move America the Beautiful and the world away from the space race and towards a space arms race.
The Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing and pre-deploying space weapons. This directive would provide the authorization and blueprint for full deployment of such weaponry as the mobile multiple nuclear warhead launch vehicle (MMNWLV) and the comprehensive missile defense shield (CMDS). Opponents of the directive claim that such an aggressive posture by the U.S. may cause an escalation not only in space-based arms, but in land and sea based weapons as well.
Air Force officials said the directive did not call for militarizing space. According to its spokesman, Sam the Eagle, the focus is not on putting weapons in space, but rather "having free access in space.” TKID4 nuclear proliferation policy analyst Ted Kiegals clarified the statement. "With all the alien space robots causing havoc for our lunar land colonies up there, it is time the U.S. started protecting its settlers. We need to clear out that space, just like we did the Midwest plains of those backwater vermin in the 1500s."
Lost in the debate of whether the U.S. should man outerspace with floating death platforms is the threat of as-of-yet unknown alien species launching a surprise attack against earth. "You can bet those little green goblins are sitting pretty right as we speak in their musty pods, somewhere on the dark side of the moon," Kiegals said. "When Bush signs this directive, that will get their antennae a'twitchin."
The full directive can be viewed at the Air Force's website www.af.milf/.
The Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing and pre-deploying space weapons. This directive would provide the authorization and blueprint for full deployment of such weaponry as the mobile multiple nuclear warhead launch vehicle (MMNWLV) and the comprehensive missile defense shield (CMDS). Opponents of the directive claim that such an aggressive posture by the U.S. may cause an escalation not only in space-based arms, but in land and sea based weapons as well.
Air Force officials said the directive did not call for militarizing space. According to its spokesman, Sam the Eagle, the focus is not on putting weapons in space, but rather "having free access in space.” TKID4 nuclear proliferation policy analyst Ted Kiegals clarified the statement. "With all the alien space robots causing havoc for our lunar land colonies up there, it is time the U.S. started protecting its settlers. We need to clear out that space, just like we did the Midwest plains of those backwater vermin in the 1500s."
Lost in the debate of whether the U.S. should man outerspace with floating death platforms is the threat of as-of-yet unknown alien species launching a surprise attack against earth. "You can bet those little green goblins are sitting pretty right as we speak in their musty pods, somewhere on the dark side of the moon," Kiegals said. "When Bush signs this directive, that will get their antennae a'twitchin."
The full directive can be viewed at the Air Force's website www.af.milf/.
Newsweek Calls Up Three Platoons
Newsweek's management is acting decisively to counteract the damage wrought by a disasterously errant report in the magazine, which claimed that prison guards at Gitmo tossed a Koran in a toilet. Mark Whitaker, Newsweek's editor, today announced that three platoons of editorial staffers would abandon their posts for rapid deployment to battlezones in Afghanistan in Iraq.
The announcement comes hours after last night's White House press conference, during which Newsweek was castigated for the longterm effects of their betrayal of U.S. forces.
During the press conference, presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said: "This report, which Newsweek has now retracted and said was wrong, has had serious consequences. People did lose their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged; there is lasting damage to our image because of this report. And we would encourage Newsweek to do all that they can to help repair the damage that has been done, particularly in the region."
McClellan went on to say that Newsweek should order staffers to abandon their keyboards for rifles, and to "get out where the action is."
We here at TKID's Blog commend Newsweek's belated move to join the battle for the American Way of Life. Perhaps, just perhaps, this act will erase some of the damage the magazine brought to the U.S. image abroad, which was set back at least 20 years by the 10-sentence news story.
However, Newsweek must move quickly to stifle fast-breaking news that members of their foreign correspondent team, which double as special agents for the U.S., have participated in brutal repression of the Iraqi people. Turkish news media today reported that Newsweek reporters, who often work as snipers and sappers for U.S. special forces, often tortured suspected insurgents while interrogating them under the cover of conducting interviews for the newsweekly. Also reported today was news that Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff in 2003 grabbed an AK-47 from an Afghan boy and hosed down a crowd of mosque worshippers. Isikoff, allegedly crazed on speed and heroin, shot and killed at least 35 villagers.
Newsweek must work to ensure that their troops, as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said, "be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be very careful about what they do."
The announcement comes hours after last night's White House press conference, during which Newsweek was castigated for the longterm effects of their betrayal of U.S. forces.
During the press conference, presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said: "This report, which Newsweek has now retracted and said was wrong, has had serious consequences. People did lose their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged; there is lasting damage to our image because of this report. And we would encourage Newsweek to do all that they can to help repair the damage that has been done, particularly in the region."
McClellan went on to say that Newsweek should order staffers to abandon their keyboards for rifles, and to "get out where the action is."
We here at TKID's Blog commend Newsweek's belated move to join the battle for the American Way of Life. Perhaps, just perhaps, this act will erase some of the damage the magazine brought to the U.S. image abroad, which was set back at least 20 years by the 10-sentence news story.
However, Newsweek must move quickly to stifle fast-breaking news that members of their foreign correspondent team, which double as special agents for the U.S., have participated in brutal repression of the Iraqi people. Turkish news media today reported that Newsweek reporters, who often work as snipers and sappers for U.S. special forces, often tortured suspected insurgents while interrogating them under the cover of conducting interviews for the newsweekly. Also reported today was news that Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff in 2003 grabbed an AK-47 from an Afghan boy and hosed down a crowd of mosque worshippers. Isikoff, allegedly crazed on speed and heroin, shot and killed at least 35 villagers.
Newsweek must work to ensure that their troops, as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said, "be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be very careful about what they do."
May 17, 2005
Fictional Revived Athlete Tased in School Parking Lot
Following his remarkable recovery from a massive myocardial infarction, Willie McGinnis, power forward for the Chippewa State Desert Rays was tased to death in the Ft. Worth, Colorado gymnasium parking lot by police officers. McGinnis had minutes earlier collapsed on the court, only to be revived by paramedics through the use of a Duracell battery-powered German-made Der Fibrillator model X-125R, nicknamed "Die Katzefleisch Machine." He went on to score 14 points on 7 for 8 shooting, before being carried out of the gym by fans. As he reached for his car keys, four off duty officers tased him. Ironically, the taser may have been equipped with Duracell Ultra® batteries. The long-lasting, reliable batteries are the energy source of choice for tasers. The PerpZapper 6000EZ, the taser of choice for the Chippewa County Sheriffs Department Shock Force Elite Squad delivers a powerful jolt of electricity, normally to the groin, of suspects.
According to a spokesman for Tasers Inc., Ron Rickwaith, "The PerpZapper provides the pure stopping power of a Colt .44 Magnum, but without the post-op clean up." He went on, "It is probable that Duracell provided that power, and just as the good book says, Duracell giveth life, and Duracell taketh away."
According to a spokesman for Tasers Inc., Ron Rickwaith, "The PerpZapper provides the pure stopping power of a Colt .44 Magnum, but without the post-op clean up." He went on, "It is probable that Duracell provided that power, and just as the good book says, Duracell giveth life, and Duracell taketh away."
duracell gives the hard sell
Last night TKID5 was watching "The Bachelor" (his subsequent shame and self-revulsion was so powerful that it required a two-hour shower during which he screamed like a banshee) when he saw something that made him gag on his ho ho.
A commercial for Duracell batteries was running. On it, a kindly black woman was proudly snapping photos of her handsome son in his basketball duds. I hardly took notice of this bland tripe. Then, while the kid was playing in "the big game" he collapsed on the court. My interest piqued, I watched in shock as paramedics rushed onto the court and, armed with a Duracell-toting defibrillator, shocked the dying hoops player back to life. They literally showed the black kid jolt when they hit him with the juice. It was like some sick version of the Hank Gathers story, all portrayed to sell us batteries.
Profoundly moved, TKID5 went to the nearest corner liquor store and purchased 25 packs of Duracell batteries (along with a 40 oz. of Laser) to help support this noble company. Without more money from people like me, Duracell won't be able to continue saving lives as it did so heroically in this commercial.
A commercial for Duracell batteries was running. On it, a kindly black woman was proudly snapping photos of her handsome son in his basketball duds. I hardly took notice of this bland tripe. Then, while the kid was playing in "the big game" he collapsed on the court. My interest piqued, I watched in shock as paramedics rushed onto the court and, armed with a Duracell-toting defibrillator, shocked the dying hoops player back to life. They literally showed the black kid jolt when they hit him with the juice. It was like some sick version of the Hank Gathers story, all portrayed to sell us batteries.
Profoundly moved, TKID5 went to the nearest corner liquor store and purchased 25 packs of Duracell batteries (along with a 40 oz. of Laser) to help support this noble company. Without more money from people like me, Duracell won't be able to continue saving lives as it did so heroically in this commercial.
Newsweek Implicated in Abusing Taliban Prisoners
The Bush administration reports that the periodical Newsweek has violated the Geneva Convention on over 200 separate occasions during its treatment of political prisoners at the U.S. military facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The magazine had recently apologized and acknowledged its source for a May 1 issue regarding prison abuses "was uncertain." That article, which quoted a military source as saying that interrogators flushed copies of the Quran down some $25,000 per Haliburton toilets at the Cuban prison, has sparked riots around the world by unruly and obviously irrational religious zealots. Whether or not the Justice Department will file criminal charges against the magazine for sytematically torturing prisoners in Cuba remains to be seen.
When asked for her take on the situation, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the story "appalling." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld chastised the magazine, saying "people lost their lives. People are dead." It is unclear if Rumsfeld was referring to the recent riots or the +20,000 Iraqis killed during the illegal U.S. occupation of that country the last two years.
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said "this report has had serious consequences. It has caused damage to the image of the United States abroad." Weekly Annals News Gazette CEO David Lopan commented on the situation as well. "It was bad enough when the U.S. ethnically cleansed several thousand civilians in Fallujah last year, but for Newsweek to report that Uncle Sam doesn't play fair when he tortures detainees is obscene. Qurans can't even fit down toilets. Urrr...probably."
Advocates for Guantanamo prisoners said Newsweek's plight should not obscure the issue of prisoners' treatment at Guantanamo Bay. According to Tina Foster, an Attorney for the Center for Constitutional Rights, "There have been firsthand accounts by former detainees of desecration of the Koran," and "It is unfortunate that the story has become about the reporting because the real issue here is the abuse itself."
TKID4 is calling for an investigation into Ms. Foster and what role she may have had in the torture of political prisoners in Cuba, the Hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the failure of the U.S. Intelligence Community to Thwart 9-11, the 1919 Black Sox Scandal and the theft and publishing of the Pentagon Papers.
When asked for her take on the situation, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the story "appalling." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld chastised the magazine, saying "people lost their lives. People are dead." It is unclear if Rumsfeld was referring to the recent riots or the +20,000 Iraqis killed during the illegal U.S. occupation of that country the last two years.
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said "this report has had serious consequences. It has caused damage to the image of the United States abroad." Weekly Annals News Gazette CEO David Lopan commented on the situation as well. "It was bad enough when the U.S. ethnically cleansed several thousand civilians in Fallujah last year, but for Newsweek to report that Uncle Sam doesn't play fair when he tortures detainees is obscene. Qurans can't even fit down toilets. Urrr...probably."
Advocates for Guantanamo prisoners said Newsweek's plight should not obscure the issue of prisoners' treatment at Guantanamo Bay. According to Tina Foster, an Attorney for the Center for Constitutional Rights, "There have been firsthand accounts by former detainees of desecration of the Koran," and "It is unfortunate that the story has become about the reporting because the real issue here is the abuse itself."
TKID4 is calling for an investigation into Ms. Foster and what role she may have had in the torture of political prisoners in Cuba, the Hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the failure of the U.S. Intelligence Community to Thwart 9-11, the 1919 Black Sox Scandal and the theft and publishing of the Pentagon Papers.
May 11, 2005
Washington Wimps
Another plane strayed into Washington, DC airspace today. The response on the part of Government workers and officials was predictable...and sad. Utter terror, confusion, panic, and sprinting to and fro. Even Dick Cheney hauled tail to an underground bunker. The plane was a small 2 or 4 seater, single engine variety. The type you see buzzing gently over tree tops on sunday afternoons in a Dayton, OH suburb or pulling a banner advertising "2 for 1 mixed drinks at Spinnakers" along a Panama City Beach coastline. Hardly the type of aircraft that would cause a city to collectively become incontinent. On this day, the colors that never run ran fast as hell. But why?
Two men were in the aircraft on their way to a North Carolina air show. They simply screwed up trying to skirt restricted airspace during their trip. More than likely one of them spilled his dip cup in the confined cabin, several "goddamns" were exchanged, the men bent over to clean off their Dickey's overalls and before they knew it they were on approach for the South Lawn.
The detour prompted a scrambling of U.S. fighter jets on a 9-11 scale, meaning two or three responded. They fired "flares" at the plane. Some accounts have an airforce pilot pulling alongside the plane and asking them politely to pull over for a minute. The plane was later escorted to a military base and the men placed in custody. Whew.
TKID4 wonders what happened to the country he used to call home. Where the eagle soared, where rambo ate things that would make a billygoat puke, where we didn't take any "S@$% from the commies. Now, a blip on a radar screen makes us run for the hills, sip our lattes and type away at our blackberries in one efficient and mindless motion.
Why didn't we just shoot that stupid plane right out of the sky. Just fire a sidewinder and vaporize those two pricks. We could show the F-16 nose cam film over and over on CNN. That would make other would-be Wiley Posts put some forethought into their flight plans. Moreover, it would balance out the videos and photos of cowering Americans now playing on Al-Jazeera. Can you imagine winter-hardened Moscovites acting this way if a small Cesena was approaching from the west towards the Kremlin? Putin would personally man the anti-aircraft gun and then light his cigar in the wreckage. TKID 4 would have more respect for Cheney if he did likewise, taking post on top of the White House and challenging that plane to a duel, rather than seeking refuge underground with the oversized D.C. swamp rats.
Two men were in the aircraft on their way to a North Carolina air show. They simply screwed up trying to skirt restricted airspace during their trip. More than likely one of them spilled his dip cup in the confined cabin, several "goddamns" were exchanged, the men bent over to clean off their Dickey's overalls and before they knew it they were on approach for the South Lawn.
The detour prompted a scrambling of U.S. fighter jets on a 9-11 scale, meaning two or three responded. They fired "flares" at the plane. Some accounts have an airforce pilot pulling alongside the plane and asking them politely to pull over for a minute. The plane was later escorted to a military base and the men placed in custody. Whew.
TKID4 wonders what happened to the country he used to call home. Where the eagle soared, where rambo ate things that would make a billygoat puke, where we didn't take any "S@$% from the commies. Now, a blip on a radar screen makes us run for the hills, sip our lattes and type away at our blackberries in one efficient and mindless motion.
Why didn't we just shoot that stupid plane right out of the sky. Just fire a sidewinder and vaporize those two pricks. We could show the F-16 nose cam film over and over on CNN. That would make other would-be Wiley Posts put some forethought into their flight plans. Moreover, it would balance out the videos and photos of cowering Americans now playing on Al-Jazeera. Can you imagine winter-hardened Moscovites acting this way if a small Cesena was approaching from the west towards the Kremlin? Putin would personally man the anti-aircraft gun and then light his cigar in the wreckage. TKID 4 would have more respect for Cheney if he did likewise, taking post on top of the White House and challenging that plane to a duel, rather than seeking refuge underground with the oversized D.C. swamp rats.
elections and eternal damnation
A young pastor who last fall told his congregation in North Carolina that those planning to vote Democrat should "repent or resign" has stepped down. Many of the pastor's congregation also fled their pews in protest when the Baptist pastor, Rev. Chan Chandler, left the pulpit of the East Waynesville Baptist Church on Tuesday night. (On a side note, have you ever noticed the incredible number of Waynesvilles? That Wayne was one prolific guy.)
Rev. Chandler refused to apologize for his tirades against Democrats, an act of defiance that was supported by many members of the church.
"I'm not going to serve with the ungodly," an angry Misty Turner declared to the AP, upon quitting with Rev. Chandler.
We here at TKID's Blog would like to commend Rev. "Charlie" Chan Chandler for his heroic stand. As one of the loyal members of his congregation told the AP, "If it's in the Bible, I believe it should be preached." And clearly, given my voluminous research on the Good Book, God prefers George W. Bush to all takers.
Democrats just aren't godly, as a wise man like old Chan knows. Furthermore, what role should a pastor take if not to lead his flock, particularly in spelling out for the morons how, exactly, to do such things as for whom to vote? This church was in East West Waynesboro, NC, for God's sake. Do you think that these inbred rednecks know how to tie their shoes without someone telling them how to do it? Come on. Self determination might work in those effete European nations like Germany, Holland and Argentina, where everyone wears wire-rim glasses and learns to read at age four, but not in the good old U.S. of A.
Rev. Chandler refused to apologize for his tirades against Democrats, an act of defiance that was supported by many members of the church.
"I'm not going to serve with the ungodly," an angry Misty Turner declared to the AP, upon quitting with Rev. Chandler.
We here at TKID's Blog would like to commend Rev. "Charlie" Chan Chandler for his heroic stand. As one of the loyal members of his congregation told the AP, "If it's in the Bible, I believe it should be preached." And clearly, given my voluminous research on the Good Book, God prefers George W. Bush to all takers.
Democrats just aren't godly, as a wise man like old Chan knows. Furthermore, what role should a pastor take if not to lead his flock, particularly in spelling out for the morons how, exactly, to do such things as for whom to vote? This church was in East West Waynesboro, NC, for God's sake. Do you think that these inbred rednecks know how to tie their shoes without someone telling them how to do it? Come on. Self determination might work in those effete European nations like Germany, Holland and Argentina, where everyone wears wire-rim glasses and learns to read at age four, but not in the good old U.S. of A.
May 10, 2005
Tazed and Confused
The Liberal press is once again hounding the blue-uniformed heroes that preserve the fabric of this great land. Today's call to arms involves the use of tazers, electric stun devices meant to incapacitate assailants whilst preserving the peace. Police departments nationwide have invested in tazers and tazer training as a means to segway from handgun violence and allow for officers to make arrests in an efficient fashion. But recently, several tazer episodes have become part of the public record, and the liberal media is once again twisting the facts to support their agenda.
Never was this more evident than in the coverage surrounding the Seattle woman who was tazered when she refused to sign her speeding ticket. Here are the "unspun" facts:
- A mom had just dropped her child off at school.
- She was clocked by a police radar gun travelling 32 mph in a 20 mph zone.
- She refused to sign the speeding ticket presented to her.
- The officer wisely called for backup before the situation escalated.
- Upon further refusal to sign, officers attempted to lawfully arrest her for failing to sign the ticket.
- The officer brandished a 50,000 volt stun gun and gave a demonstration of its power to the woman who was unwilling to exit her car.
- The stun gun was then applied to her thigh and neck.
- The woman was safely incapacitated and the officers made a quick and efficient arrest.
- TKID 4 has nominated these officer-heroes for commendation.
What the left-wing press wants you to believe is that this woman was eight months pregnant and that officers abused their powers of arrest when they repeatedly tazered her. They want you to think that the South Precinct, Seattle fire medics who examined Brooks, confirmed she was pregnant and recommended she be evaluated at Harborview Medical Center were somehow in a better position to judge the pregnancy status of the assailant than the responding officers.
A police spokesman rightly defended the officer heroes' response to the situation when he stated, "Why use a Taser in a simple traffic stop? Well, the citizen has made it more of a problem. It's no longer a traffic stop. This is now a confrontation."
Instead of making these officers out to be mindless thugs, a responsible media outlet should highlight the real problems this story exposes. Why did it take repeated tazer applications to subdue this criminal? Why are we allowing our officers to go out on patrol with low-voltage tazers?
Never was this more evident than in the coverage surrounding the Seattle woman who was tazered when she refused to sign her speeding ticket. Here are the "unspun" facts:
- A mom had just dropped her child off at school.
- She was clocked by a police radar gun travelling 32 mph in a 20 mph zone.
- She refused to sign the speeding ticket presented to her.
- The officer wisely called for backup before the situation escalated.
- Upon further refusal to sign, officers attempted to lawfully arrest her for failing to sign the ticket.
- The officer brandished a 50,000 volt stun gun and gave a demonstration of its power to the woman who was unwilling to exit her car.
- The stun gun was then applied to her thigh and neck.
- The woman was safely incapacitated and the officers made a quick and efficient arrest.
- TKID 4 has nominated these officer-heroes for commendation.
What the left-wing press wants you to believe is that this woman was eight months pregnant and that officers abused their powers of arrest when they repeatedly tazered her. They want you to think that the South Precinct, Seattle fire medics who examined Brooks, confirmed she was pregnant and recommended she be evaluated at Harborview Medical Center were somehow in a better position to judge the pregnancy status of the assailant than the responding officers.
A police spokesman rightly defended the officer heroes' response to the situation when he stated, "Why use a Taser in a simple traffic stop? Well, the citizen has made it more of a problem. It's no longer a traffic stop. This is now a confrontation."
Instead of making these officers out to be mindless thugs, a responsible media outlet should highlight the real problems this story exposes. Why did it take repeated tazer applications to subdue this criminal? Why are we allowing our officers to go out on patrol with low-voltage tazers?
living in sin
Those freedom-hating cretins at the ACLU are at it again. Every good conservative blogger knows that the ACLU's lawyers are up all night, scheming of dastardly ways to undermine religious practices and The American Way of Life.
But they've gone way too fare with a lawsuit filed recently in North Carolina. The ACLU's latest salvo seeks to dismantle North Carolina's ban on cohabitation. The law, which has been on the books since 1805, prohibits unmarried couples from shacking-up to the tune of $1,000 fine and 60 days in jail. Six other states sport similar laws.
The ACLU's challenge is based on a suit filed by a female sheriff's deputy who was fired when she refused her boss's demand of marrying her boyfriend or moving out.
Now TKID5 can see why some people might not like government getting involved in peoples' decisions about who they live with. Jail might seem a bit stiff for a cohabiting couple who has yet to tie the knot. But not when you realize that cohabitation is the fast-track to living like the devil. If unmarried folks start living together, next thing they know they're shooting up heroin and engaging in bestiality. This is a culture war we're in, people, and it's time to choose sides. TKID5 knows he and the ACLU are staring each other down, hands on pistols. Whose side are you on?
This quote might help you make up your mind:
"We think that it's good to have a law against cohabitation because the studies show that couples that cohabitate before they're married, that their marriages are more prone to break up, there's less stability in the marriage," said Bill Brooks, executive director of the conservative North Carolina Family Policy Council, in an interview with the AP.
Listen to old Bill, he knows what he's talking about. That guy used to live with a female circus midget in the '50s. Needless to say, things didn't work out. But he saw the light, and so must we all.
But they've gone way too fare with a lawsuit filed recently in North Carolina. The ACLU's latest salvo seeks to dismantle North Carolina's ban on cohabitation. The law, which has been on the books since 1805, prohibits unmarried couples from shacking-up to the tune of $1,000 fine and 60 days in jail. Six other states sport similar laws.
The ACLU's challenge is based on a suit filed by a female sheriff's deputy who was fired when she refused her boss's demand of marrying her boyfriend or moving out.
Now TKID5 can see why some people might not like government getting involved in peoples' decisions about who they live with. Jail might seem a bit stiff for a cohabiting couple who has yet to tie the knot. But not when you realize that cohabitation is the fast-track to living like the devil. If unmarried folks start living together, next thing they know they're shooting up heroin and engaging in bestiality. This is a culture war we're in, people, and it's time to choose sides. TKID5 knows he and the ACLU are staring each other down, hands on pistols. Whose side are you on?
This quote might help you make up your mind:
"We think that it's good to have a law against cohabitation because the studies show that couples that cohabitate before they're married, that their marriages are more prone to break up, there's less stability in the marriage," said Bill Brooks, executive director of the conservative North Carolina Family Policy Council, in an interview with the AP.
Listen to old Bill, he knows what he's talking about. That guy used to live with a female circus midget in the '50s. Needless to say, things didn't work out. But he saw the light, and so must we all.
May 5, 2005
Calvert 1, Scientists 0
TKID 4 is no scientist. But if he were, and he were confronted by a young 20-something ish college female with blonde hair, (cough) firm body, and firm resolve in her drive to debunk evolutionary theory by questioning me with the following script, I would immediately renounce the scientific method and torch my periodic table. John Calvert is supplying millions of Americans, including the likes of the above described, with the following do-it-yourself creationism/evolution debate, complete with predicted responses from a confused teacher.
WHO CAN ANSWER MY QUESTION?
By John Calvert, who grants permission to use and copy to anyone
My Name is ____________. I am ____________________.
With the help of _____________, we would like to demonstrate a fundamental problem with the Naturalistic underpinning of the proposed Science Standards.
STUDENT: I have a question - When I look at people, they look designed to me. I also hear there is a lot of evidence that confirms my intuition. Some chemists say that physical and chemical laws can’t account for biological information. Biochemists say many biological systems are irreducibly complex. Mathematicians say it is statistically impossible for the first cell to have been assembled out of nothing. Geologists say that the fossil record shows life appearing abruptly rather than gradually. Astronomers say the Universe is so finely tuned that if you just changed one constant by a smidgen, we wouldn’t be here. So, isn’t there a lot of evidence that we might be designed?
TEACHER: I can’t answer your question. We are not allowed to talk about design. It is outside the “domain” of science.
STUDENT: That doesn’t make sense to me. I hear this stuff coming from scientists.
TEACHER: Well, they just don’t know what science is.
STUDENT They just think they are scientists, but really aren’t? Well, what is science?
TEACHER: Science is the activity of seeking only natural explanations of what we see. These guys are inferring design from the evidence. Scientists aren’t allowed to do that. You are not allowed to discuss the possibility of intelligent design.
STUDENT: Isn’t that censorship? Who can answer my question, if you are not allowed to talk about it?
TEACHER: [Nervous cough] I am told that you have to go to your family or other appropriate source.
STUDENT: My family doesn’t know anything about complexity in living systems, biochemistry, physics, geology, statistics or cosmology. So what is an appropriate source?
TEACHER: I don’t know. Maybe your pastor or a philosopher.
STUDENT: Come on Teach! They don’t know anything about that stuff. Who can answer my question if scientists can’t?
The script ends at this point, but TKID 4 can't help but speculate about the continuing dialog which could very well be taking place right now in the corn fields of Topeka and the back alleys of L.A. between the "teach" and the student. Most likely stirring debates over the 1st Amendment Church and State clause are underway, or possibly solicitations for sexual intercourse.
WHO CAN ANSWER MY QUESTION?
By John Calvert, who grants permission to use and copy to anyone
My Name is ____________. I am ____________________.
With the help of _____________, we would like to demonstrate a fundamental problem with the Naturalistic underpinning of the proposed Science Standards.
STUDENT: I have a question - When I look at people, they look designed to me. I also hear there is a lot of evidence that confirms my intuition. Some chemists say that physical and chemical laws can’t account for biological information. Biochemists say many biological systems are irreducibly complex. Mathematicians say it is statistically impossible for the first cell to have been assembled out of nothing. Geologists say that the fossil record shows life appearing abruptly rather than gradually. Astronomers say the Universe is so finely tuned that if you just changed one constant by a smidgen, we wouldn’t be here. So, isn’t there a lot of evidence that we might be designed?
TEACHER: I can’t answer your question. We are not allowed to talk about design. It is outside the “domain” of science.
STUDENT: That doesn’t make sense to me. I hear this stuff coming from scientists.
TEACHER: Well, they just don’t know what science is.
STUDENT They just think they are scientists, but really aren’t? Well, what is science?
TEACHER: Science is the activity of seeking only natural explanations of what we see. These guys are inferring design from the evidence. Scientists aren’t allowed to do that. You are not allowed to discuss the possibility of intelligent design.
STUDENT: Isn’t that censorship? Who can answer my question, if you are not allowed to talk about it?
TEACHER: [Nervous cough] I am told that you have to go to your family or other appropriate source.
STUDENT: My family doesn’t know anything about complexity in living systems, biochemistry, physics, geology, statistics or cosmology. So what is an appropriate source?
TEACHER: I don’t know. Maybe your pastor or a philosopher.
STUDENT: Come on Teach! They don’t know anything about that stuff. Who can answer my question if scientists can’t?
The script ends at this point, but TKID 4 can't help but speculate about the continuing dialog which could very well be taking place right now in the corn fields of Topeka and the back alleys of L.A. between the "teach" and the student. Most likely stirring debates over the 1st Amendment Church and State clause are underway, or possibly solicitations for sexual intercourse.
monkey business - part II
Hearings over the teaching of evolution began today before the Kansas Board of Education. Complete with lawyers and "expert" testimony, the trial is a reprise of the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925. Only this time, evolution is under fire, not creationism.
"This is the Scopes trial turned on its head," proudly proclaimed Bruce Chapman, president of the Seattle-based Discovery Institute, in an interview with the AP.
We here at TKID's Blog see the Kansas monkey debate as progress, erasing the wrongheaded direction in which our nation's education has drifted since the '20s, when booze was still banned - a far greater abomination than the Scopes trial.
The well-funded Discovery Institute is among the groups leading the charge against Darwin's idiotic premise that humans evolved from monkeys, and before that, bacteria and the like. The Institute explains the main thrust on its Web site, stating that it "favors teaching students about the scientific evidence for and against neo-Darwinism." The con arguments, apparently, are that natural selection and random mutations may not be "sufficient to explain the complexity of life."
Though the Institute and their posse don't come out and admit it, only one entity is powerful enough to create the wondorous majesty of life in all its complexities (such as TKID5's absurdly splendid liver, which has managed to keep him alive by processing approximately 15,000 alcoholic beverages during his lifetime). That's right: The Big Guy Upstairs.
The whole intelligent design theory thing does bother TKID5, however. Are we supposed to buy the bible's explanation if not Darwin's? Because TKID5 loves the dinosaurs - particularly the TREX, yeah! - and can't seem to get his head around the indisputable fact that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Did the Big Guy hide those dinosaur bones out in Utah just to throw us off the scent of intelligent design? If so, sweet move! You totally fooled me - talk about intelligent.
The bottom-line is that anyone who thinks a billion generations of regenerating life forms could ever result in the perfection that is TKID5 is a total fool. I'm about as close to Adonis Godly as anyone can get. There is NO DOUBT that the Big Guy drew me up on his drafting board in the sky. The only people who believe that evolution BS are self-loathing, America-hating liberals. Face it people, we're all divine perfection. Deal with it.
"This is the Scopes trial turned on its head," proudly proclaimed Bruce Chapman, president of the Seattle-based Discovery Institute, in an interview with the AP.
We here at TKID's Blog see the Kansas monkey debate as progress, erasing the wrongheaded direction in which our nation's education has drifted since the '20s, when booze was still banned - a far greater abomination than the Scopes trial.
The well-funded Discovery Institute is among the groups leading the charge against Darwin's idiotic premise that humans evolved from monkeys, and before that, bacteria and the like. The Institute explains the main thrust on its Web site, stating that it "favors teaching students about the scientific evidence for and against neo-Darwinism." The con arguments, apparently, are that natural selection and random mutations may not be "sufficient to explain the complexity of life."
Though the Institute and their posse don't come out and admit it, only one entity is powerful enough to create the wondorous majesty of life in all its complexities (such as TKID5's absurdly splendid liver, which has managed to keep him alive by processing approximately 15,000 alcoholic beverages during his lifetime). That's right: The Big Guy Upstairs.
The whole intelligent design theory thing does bother TKID5, however. Are we supposed to buy the bible's explanation if not Darwin's? Because TKID5 loves the dinosaurs - particularly the TREX, yeah! - and can't seem to get his head around the indisputable fact that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Did the Big Guy hide those dinosaur bones out in Utah just to throw us off the scent of intelligent design? If so, sweet move! You totally fooled me - talk about intelligent.
The bottom-line is that anyone who thinks a billion generations of regenerating life forms could ever result in the perfection that is TKID5 is a total fool. I'm about as close to Adonis Godly as anyone can get. There is NO DOUBT that the Big Guy drew me up on his drafting board in the sky. The only people who believe that evolution BS are self-loathing, America-hating liberals. Face it people, we're all divine perfection. Deal with it.
May 4, 2005
Gere-gate
Richard Gere dropped the quote of the week in response to an autograph request from two teens in wheelchairs at Saturday's White House Correspondents' Dinner in Washington.
The teenagers, Brian and Kailyn Glassmacher suffer from a form of MS known as Glassmacher syndrome. TKID4 can envision the diagnosis now. I'm guessing it was first named by a doctor who didn't know what the hell he was doing.
Dr. X: "You've got a rare form of MS. "
Glassmacher kids: "Really...what's it called."
Dr. X: "Ummm....ahhhhh...Gla....zzzz....aaa....mmmaaaaa......kkkkk....."
Glassmacher kids: "Glassmacher??"
Dr. X: "Uh...yeah...sure....Glassmacher, quite a coincidence, huh?"
Glassmacher: "Geez, we never knew we had a disease named after us."
Dr. X: "Strange indeed, the planets seemed to have aligned for you two. Now about those wonder twin powers..."
So Gere in response to an autograph request from these two wheelchair bound kids allegedly said, "Maybe later, I'm hard of hearing and I have a bad hip. We all have problems."
In fairness to the Officer and Gentleman that he is, Gere later fulfilled the request when he was cornered by one of wheelchaired pair and opted to sign rather than hurdle over the equipment with that bum leg of his.
Personally, TKID4 thinks this story smells of hoax. There have been several media dupes lately, including the kidnapped bride, the treasure buried in the back yard, and the woman who threw her newborn out of a moving car. This Gere-story sounds similar. Another lemon passed on to the ever-vigilant press corp. The good news is this story will serve to run interference over the fact that the U.S. Government has been systematically testing dangerous AIDS drugs on unwitting/unknowing foster children. As if these kids don't have enough trouble, now Uncle Sam is shooting them up with drug cocktails in some sort of subhuman lab rat program.
And speaking of the press, Joe Scarborough recently berated Governor Arnold Swarzenneggar for remarks he made on the Howard Stern show last week. The Governor announced on the show that he was going to destroy the moon so that women would not have to suffer menstrual cycles anymore. Problem is, that was a fake-Arnold calling into the show. Everyone knew that but Mr. Scarborough apparently.
The teenagers, Brian and Kailyn Glassmacher suffer from a form of MS known as Glassmacher syndrome. TKID4 can envision the diagnosis now. I'm guessing it was first named by a doctor who didn't know what the hell he was doing.
Dr. X: "You've got a rare form of MS. "
Glassmacher kids: "Really...what's it called."
Dr. X: "Ummm....ahhhhh...Gla....zzzz....aaa....mmmaaaaa......kkkkk....."
Glassmacher kids: "Glassmacher??"
Dr. X: "Uh...yeah...sure....Glassmacher, quite a coincidence, huh?"
Glassmacher: "Geez, we never knew we had a disease named after us."
Dr. X: "Strange indeed, the planets seemed to have aligned for you two. Now about those wonder twin powers..."
So Gere in response to an autograph request from these two wheelchair bound kids allegedly said, "Maybe later, I'm hard of hearing and I have a bad hip. We all have problems."
In fairness to the Officer and Gentleman that he is, Gere later fulfilled the request when he was cornered by one of wheelchaired pair and opted to sign rather than hurdle over the equipment with that bum leg of his.
Personally, TKID4 thinks this story smells of hoax. There have been several media dupes lately, including the kidnapped bride, the treasure buried in the back yard, and the woman who threw her newborn out of a moving car. This Gere-story sounds similar. Another lemon passed on to the ever-vigilant press corp. The good news is this story will serve to run interference over the fact that the U.S. Government has been systematically testing dangerous AIDS drugs on unwitting/unknowing foster children. As if these kids don't have enough trouble, now Uncle Sam is shooting them up with drug cocktails in some sort of subhuman lab rat program.
And speaking of the press, Joe Scarborough recently berated Governor Arnold Swarzenneggar for remarks he made on the Howard Stern show last week. The Governor announced on the show that he was going to destroy the moon so that women would not have to suffer menstrual cycles anymore. Problem is, that was a fake-Arnold calling into the show. Everyone knew that but Mr. Scarborough apparently.
May 3, 2005
First Lady of Comedy
First Lady and Commediane in Chief Laura Bush got down and dirty at a formal dinner party last weekend. Thanks to material from a cadre of White House speechwriters, she unleashed a torrent of barbs at GWB, calling him Mr. Excitement in one breath and then claiming he sexually groped a horse's penis in another.
The reclusive Laura let her conservative hair down as she described a fictitious visit to Chippendales she, Lynne Cheney, and Justices O'Connor and Ginsburg made. While several conversative guests were upset at the sexual innuendos and subtle disrespect for G-Dubs, most had a good laugh.
Mrs. Bush's set lasted several minutes, but was cut short due to time constraints. TKID4 obtained the drafts for the remaining jokes Laura was going to tell but didn't. Here are a few of the zingers.
"George is not so bright. He thought Iraq had stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. Then he saw the intelligence which indicated that they didn't. But the dumbass just went in and attacked anyways. (PAUSE) Killed thousands of them towelheads too."
"You might think being First Lady is a barrel of laughs. Well let me tell you, it's not as funny as watching George try to destroy our environment acre by acre. (PAUSE) I call him "The Salesman" because he's determined to sell-out our children's future to the highest bidder."
"Knock knock...."
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Who's There"
"Human Rights Violations"
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Human Rights Violations Who"
"George done think only Christians are humans. That's why he ordered the Fallujah Holocaust."
"Did you hear the one about George executing a woman in Texas for killing her abusive husband? (PAUSE) Her name was Betty Lou Beets. He barbequed her ass, even though she obviously suffered from abusive spouse syndrome."
The reclusive Laura let her conservative hair down as she described a fictitious visit to Chippendales she, Lynne Cheney, and Justices O'Connor and Ginsburg made. While several conversative guests were upset at the sexual innuendos and subtle disrespect for G-Dubs, most had a good laugh.
Mrs. Bush's set lasted several minutes, but was cut short due to time constraints. TKID4 obtained the drafts for the remaining jokes Laura was going to tell but didn't. Here are a few of the zingers.
"George is not so bright. He thought Iraq had stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. Then he saw the intelligence which indicated that they didn't. But the dumbass just went in and attacked anyways. (PAUSE) Killed thousands of them towelheads too."
"You might think being First Lady is a barrel of laughs. Well let me tell you, it's not as funny as watching George try to destroy our environment acre by acre. (PAUSE) I call him "The Salesman" because he's determined to sell-out our children's future to the highest bidder."
"Knock knock...."
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Who's There"
"Human Rights Violations"
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Human Rights Violations Who"
"George done think only Christians are humans. That's why he ordered the Fallujah Holocaust."
"Did you hear the one about George executing a woman in Texas for killing her abusive husband? (PAUSE) Her name was Betty Lou Beets. He barbequed her ass, even though she obviously suffered from abusive spouse syndrome."
Apr 27, 2005
Frit Kudo
TKID4's never ending fascination with anagrams has revealed startling insights into the Ron Mexico controversy. Through manipulation of his acute grammatical skills, TKID4 has generated a list of suspect anagrams of the name Ron Mexico. What was Michael Vick trying to tell us when he chose the name Ron Mexico. Perhaps he meant to slander a "Moronic Ex." Or maybe he was unveiling a free mason master plot by the name of "Croix Omen." TKID4 doubts it was in reference to a "Coon Mixer," whatever that is. More likely than not, it's just a thinly veiled promotional arrangement between the NFL QB and the 1940's breakfast cereal "Corn Moxie."
TKID Four is excited to unveil his new alias, discovered during the hours of research done in preparation for penning this story. From now on he will be known as Frit Kudo.
TKID Four is excited to unveil his new alias, discovered during the hours of research done in preparation for penning this story. From now on he will be known as Frit Kudo.
Apr 26, 2005
Ron Mexico Redux
TKID4 here providing continual coverage of the Michael Vick medical malady saga. You might remember the Falcons deft QB has come under fire recently for passing a rather nasty STD on to an unsuspecting female. Worse, he did so under the alias Ron Mexico.
There are those which seek to facilitate similar incognito infections by providing the average joe with an automatic alias generator called the "Ron Mexico Name Generator."
Here is a selection of the devious pseudonyms available to future VD deviants.
Jim Smith = Dante Croatia
John Edwards = Giorgio Sweden
John Kerry = Adonis Senegal
and my personal favorite:
Donald Rumsfeld = Holmes Cambodia
There are those which seek to facilitate similar incognito infections by providing the average joe with an automatic alias generator called the "Ron Mexico Name Generator."
Here is a selection of the devious pseudonyms available to future VD deviants.
Jim Smith = Dante Croatia
John Edwards = Giorgio Sweden
John Kerry = Adonis Senegal
and my personal favorite:
Donald Rumsfeld = Holmes Cambodia
Bush is in his Holy Temple
The Christian Report magazine recently released its Top 50 Most Influential Christians in America rankings. The list includes pastors, authors, politicians, radio show hosts, publishers, and televangelists. Topping the ranks was President George W. Bush, followed by Madmax himself Mel Gibson. Evangelist Billy Graham came in at holy numeral 3.
Coming in at number 9 with a bullet was Dr. Paul Crouch Sr., founder and prez of the TBN. You may know Crouch from his hugely popular television show featuring himself and his lovely wife Jan Crouch. Crouch started TBN with his wife in 1973. Today TBN is carried by over12,000 TV stations and cable affiliates fed by 46 annointed satellites. More importantly, the Crouch's drive matching Range Rovers and recently purchased a $5 million estate in California. TKID4 contributed to Crouch's master bathroom renovation fund. And you can too, here. Praise be to the highest Moen fawcetts money can buy.
Other notable Christians included in the rankings were the ever spectacled Dr. Robert Schuller, Dr. Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, and Chuck Swindoll. That's Swindoll with an "O."
Benny Hinn made the cut. So did Pat Robertson. Noticeably absent was the Savior himself, the Lord Jesus Christ.
In other news, Mel Gibson has signed on to star in and direct the futuristic thriller Crusade 2010. The premise involves a rogue 20-something blonde femme physicist who teams up with a Special Forces Veteran to transport a crack team of misfists back in time to 12th Century Jerusalem to take on man-eating Islamic forces led by the pederast Saladin. No word yet on if Mel is willing to grant audiences his ubiquitous ass shot during the final climactic retaking of Jerusalem by Apache Helicopter.
Coming in at number 9 with a bullet was Dr. Paul Crouch Sr., founder and prez of the TBN. You may know Crouch from his hugely popular television show featuring himself and his lovely wife Jan Crouch. Crouch started TBN with his wife in 1973. Today TBN is carried by over12,000 TV stations and cable affiliates fed by 46 annointed satellites. More importantly, the Crouch's drive matching Range Rovers and recently purchased a $5 million estate in California. TKID4 contributed to Crouch's master bathroom renovation fund. And you can too, here. Praise be to the highest Moen fawcetts money can buy.
Other notable Christians included in the rankings were the ever spectacled Dr. Robert Schuller, Dr. Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, and Chuck Swindoll. That's Swindoll with an "O."
Benny Hinn made the cut. So did Pat Robertson. Noticeably absent was the Savior himself, the Lord Jesus Christ.
In other news, Mel Gibson has signed on to star in and direct the futuristic thriller Crusade 2010. The premise involves a rogue 20-something blonde femme physicist who teams up with a Special Forces Veteran to transport a crack team of misfists back in time to 12th Century Jerusalem to take on man-eating Islamic forces led by the pederast Saladin. No word yet on if Mel is willing to grant audiences his ubiquitous ass shot during the final climactic retaking of Jerusalem by Apache Helicopter.
Apr 20, 2005
DeLayin' Blame on da Judge
House Majority Leader and Self-Licensed Neurologist Tom DeLay blasted Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy today, claiming his recent contributions to the Supreme Court were "incredibly outrageous" because he has relied on international law.
DeLay complained, "We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous."
What the right honourable Congressman is forgetting in his judicial critique is that the U.S. Constitution itself is the product of un-American international ideas and idealists.
For instance, John Locke's Second Treatise on Civil Government, a centerpiece of English constitutional history was widely read and adopted by several Constitutional authors, particularly James "Dwarf-boy" Madison. We cannot also forget that Frenchie Montesquieu's The Spirit of the Laws which outlined an acceptable form and structure of the national government later adopted in the U.S. Constitution of 1787.
DeLay is also overlooking those pesky Roman and Greek thinkers' works such as Aristotle's Politics and Cicero's The Republic whichhad an incredible influence on the Thomas George Jeffersons of olden colonial times. Throw in the Bible, and you've got yourself an international amalgam of thought and beliefs spanning two millenia all funneling down to a piece of vellum parchment with some signatures on it.
DeLay is right about one thing though. Anything international is bad.
DeLay complained, "We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous."
What the right honourable Congressman is forgetting in his judicial critique is that the U.S. Constitution itself is the product of un-American international ideas and idealists.
For instance, John Locke's Second Treatise on Civil Government, a centerpiece of English constitutional history was widely read and adopted by several Constitutional authors, particularly James "Dwarf-boy" Madison. We cannot also forget that Frenchie Montesquieu's The Spirit of the Laws which outlined an acceptable form and structure of the national government later adopted in the U.S. Constitution of 1787.
DeLay is also overlooking those pesky Roman and Greek thinkers' works such as Aristotle's Politics and Cicero's The Republic whichhad an incredible influence on the Thomas George Jeffersons of olden colonial times. Throw in the Bible, and you've got yourself an international amalgam of thought and beliefs spanning two millenia all funneling down to a piece of vellum parchment with some signatures on it.
DeLay is right about one thing though. Anything international is bad.
Apr 19, 2005
White Smoke, Black Smoke
White smoke signals the election of a new pope, after two days of black smoke belched from the chimneys of Vatican City. Bells were ringing from the Vatican Tuesday confirming that cardinals had reached a decision for a successor to Pope John Paul II.
“We thought it was white. Then it went black. I had a feeling of exhilaration followed by disappointment,” said Harold Reeves, a 35-year-old theology student from Washington, D.C. Reeves was also thrown off by a large plume of red smoke in the form of lucifer which belched forth in an unholy manner early Tuesday morning. Vatican spokesmen claimed the smoke was the result of a cardinal accidentally dropping his skull cap in the voting ballot oven.
“This is history, Dr. Jones” said Hernan Aracena, 19, wrapped in a Venezuelan flag. “As time goes by, this will be one of those moments where you say, ‘I was there.”’
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has been tapped by many pope pundits as the next Holiness. The "Rat-man" as fellow cardinals call him, was once a German anti-aircraft battery operator taking pot shots at U.S. aircrews. Now he is on deck and ready to take his swings following John Paul's grand slam. He knows chin music is coming too.
“We thought it was white. Then it went black. I had a feeling of exhilaration followed by disappointment,” said Harold Reeves, a 35-year-old theology student from Washington, D.C. Reeves was also thrown off by a large plume of red smoke in the form of lucifer which belched forth in an unholy manner early Tuesday morning. Vatican spokesmen claimed the smoke was the result of a cardinal accidentally dropping his skull cap in the voting ballot oven.
“This is history, Dr. Jones” said Hernan Aracena, 19, wrapped in a Venezuelan flag. “As time goes by, this will be one of those moments where you say, ‘I was there.”’
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has been tapped by many pope pundits as the next Holiness. The "Rat-man" as fellow cardinals call him, was once a German anti-aircraft battery operator taking pot shots at U.S. aircrews. Now he is on deck and ready to take his swings following John Paul's grand slam. He knows chin music is coming too.
Apr 18, 2005
Spontaneous Combustion
Back in '03 a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery caught on fire at a Seattle Hospital.
He began to BBQ after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
According to the hospital, the patient died after the surgery but that was due to heart failure and not the fire. Further investigation revealed that his heart stopped beating because it was flame broiled.
According to this article, 2 people die each year from a combination of combustible factors, including the main culprit, an electrosurgical unit. That reminds me of the time TKID's medical correspondent accidentally used his vintage Roland Synthesizer on a patient instead of his electro-knife. The results were tragic for electronic musicians everywhere.
He began to BBQ after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
According to the hospital, the patient died after the surgery but that was due to heart failure and not the fire. Further investigation revealed that his heart stopped beating because it was flame broiled.
According to this article, 2 people die each year from a combination of combustible factors, including the main culprit, an electrosurgical unit. That reminds me of the time TKID's medical correspondent accidentally used his vintage Roland Synthesizer on a patient instead of his electro-knife. The results were tragic for electronic musicians everywhere.
Apr 14, 2005
eggheads hate america
Now that Republicans run all three branches of government (those activist judges have been a bit of a pain in the judiciary) we conservative bloggers have been forced to turn our energy elsewhere. In addition to the liberal media conspiracy, we've focused on the daily outrages foisted upon innocent minds at our nation's college campuses. Bill Hawkins, an incensed letter writer in today's Washington Examiner says it best, arguing that colleges, particularly those focusing on the social sciences, "have become the pampered homes of eggheads who are anti-social and irrational in their hatred of America."
Damn straight.
TKID3 can remember when his American Dream was crushed upon his arrival at college so many years ago. I had long looked forward to receiving my higher education at a place where I could join other sportscoat and penny-loafer wearing young males in the innocent pursuit of collegiate bliss. I daydreamed of an evening when, after finishing practice for my barbershop quartet, I could head over to the fraternity house and engage in wholesome revelry, such as giving my fraternity pin to my main squeeze or spanking a nude pledge with my hand-whittled paddle.
What I actually discovered at college was horrid. The dorms were chaotic places with drug-smoking fiends, none of whom had any interest in the time-honored tradition of being humiliated by God-loving fraternity boys. The infernal music and sounds of pagan partying blared at all hours of the day. And the girls! No Betty Crocker-aspiring, Laura Bush-esque co-eds here. Feminism had crept into their frail minds, and we men were actually expected to perform for them! No effort, no best girl. Women never even so much as a glanced at a traditional man like myself.
Things went from bad to worse, and I gradually dropped into a deep stupor: barricading myself in my dorm room, watching infomercials all night long and wearing a curtain to cover-up my massive and swelling girth. At one point, a concerned student called security to see if I was still alive. When they tried to open the door, a huge pile of empty Southern Comfort bottles blocked the paramedics' path.
Dark days indeed.
But with the fearless lead of our nation's finest bloggers, we can turn the clock back at our college campuses. I'll be praying that it isn't too late.
Damn straight.
TKID3 can remember when his American Dream was crushed upon his arrival at college so many years ago. I had long looked forward to receiving my higher education at a place where I could join other sportscoat and penny-loafer wearing young males in the innocent pursuit of collegiate bliss. I daydreamed of an evening when, after finishing practice for my barbershop quartet, I could head over to the fraternity house and engage in wholesome revelry, such as giving my fraternity pin to my main squeeze or spanking a nude pledge with my hand-whittled paddle.
What I actually discovered at college was horrid. The dorms were chaotic places with drug-smoking fiends, none of whom had any interest in the time-honored tradition of being humiliated by God-loving fraternity boys. The infernal music and sounds of pagan partying blared at all hours of the day. And the girls! No Betty Crocker-aspiring, Laura Bush-esque co-eds here. Feminism had crept into their frail minds, and we men were actually expected to perform for them! No effort, no best girl. Women never even so much as a glanced at a traditional man like myself.
Things went from bad to worse, and I gradually dropped into a deep stupor: barricading myself in my dorm room, watching infomercials all night long and wearing a curtain to cover-up my massive and swelling girth. At one point, a concerned student called security to see if I was still alive. When they tried to open the door, a huge pile of empty Southern Comfort bottles blocked the paramedics' path.
Dark days indeed.
But with the fearless lead of our nation's finest bloggers, we can turn the clock back at our college campuses. I'll be praying that it isn't too late.
Apr 8, 2005
cash money smells green
TKID3 is no fan of Indiana's men and women in blue, a fact reinforced by the recent story from the Indianapolis Star headlined: "Man caught with cash smelling of pot."
Apparently the crack detectives caught a whiff of crime after being handed $400 in cash from some sucker trying to bail-out his brother-in-law.
From the article:
******
"When I walked back toward the jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," [the dispatcher] said.
A jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
******
The cops then searched the guy's car and turned up a lame amount of pot, but enough to lock him up.
One has to wonder, did these crack detectives recognize the stink of weed from a cop seminar named something like: "Recognizing the Aroma of Dangerous Narcotics 101" or from their own experience firing up Jimmy's four-foot bong in the back of a hobbit-mural-adorned van?
It's a good thing TKID3 didn't grow up in the hoosier state. I once managed to spill a massive quantity of bong water on the sweatshirt of a kid who refused to touch drugs. That kid, an innocent in the war on drugs, smelled as if he'd rolled around in a vat of Vancouver kind buds. Indiana's finest would've locked him up for life on stink evidence alone.
Apparently the crack detectives caught a whiff of crime after being handed $400 in cash from some sucker trying to bail-out his brother-in-law.
From the article:
******
"When I walked back toward the jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," [the dispatcher] said.
A jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
******
The cops then searched the guy's car and turned up a lame amount of pot, but enough to lock him up.
One has to wonder, did these crack detectives recognize the stink of weed from a cop seminar named something like: "Recognizing the Aroma of Dangerous Narcotics 101" or from their own experience firing up Jimmy's four-foot bong in the back of a hobbit-mural-adorned van?
It's a good thing TKID3 didn't grow up in the hoosier state. I once managed to spill a massive quantity of bong water on the sweatshirt of a kid who refused to touch drugs. That kid, an innocent in the war on drugs, smelled as if he'd rolled around in a vat of Vancouver kind buds. Indiana's finest would've locked him up for life on stink evidence alone.
blame it on rio
A band of rogue police officers in Rio, acting in a bizarre protest of a corruption probe, recently offed about 30 people in random shootings in the city's slums. The violence was ridiculously over-the-top, even for Brazil. However, media coverage in Brazil of the cop massacre has been scant. The reason: 24/7 pope coverage.
The following quote ran in the AP:
"Without a doubt, the news of the death of the pope took on such vast proportions that this horrible fact was somewhat forgotten," said Rev. Luciano Bergamin, bishop of Nova Iguacu. "We have to forget the death of the pope a little and make sure these facts don't repeat themselves."
That's right, the news event of an 84-year-old guy's funeral is more important than news of the random slaughter of 30 people.
Amazingly, some bloggers in this country have complained about the media's coverage of the pope's deathwatch/expiration/funeral, calling it insufficient or not properly fawning and respectful. Maybe TKID4 is out of touch, but I've seen more pope news than I can handle. Besides, I don't get why a funeral for anyone, even the top dawg of the Catholic church is worthy of live coverage at all hours. He's dead. That's that.
The following quote ran in the AP:
"Without a doubt, the news of the death of the pope took on such vast proportions that this horrible fact was somewhat forgotten," said Rev. Luciano Bergamin, bishop of Nova Iguacu. "We have to forget the death of the pope a little and make sure these facts don't repeat themselves."
That's right, the news event of an 84-year-old guy's funeral is more important than news of the random slaughter of 30 people.
Amazingly, some bloggers in this country have complained about the media's coverage of the pope's deathwatch/expiration/funeral, calling it insufficient or not properly fawning and respectful. Maybe TKID4 is out of touch, but I've seen more pope news than I can handle. Besides, I don't get why a funeral for anyone, even the top dawg of the Catholic church is worthy of live coverage at all hours. He's dead. That's that.
Apr 6, 2005
Pope a Dope
TKID 4 just saw the President of the United States George W. Bush on his knees supplicatin' whilst prostratin' before the corpse of Pope John Paul. I didn't not vote that man to have him kneel down before General Zod like that. We are Americans and we don't bow to anyone!! I'd like to see the pope's 30 Swiss guards try and take on the 3rd Infantry. Bush should have showed some balls today and walked up to that crypt-keeper lookin pope, tipped his cowboy hat, and walked out, but not before flashing that bull$%#@ smirk to the crowd.
And someone please tell me what Condi rice was doing in that black cocktail dress/nun habit while sporting the veil of Turin. Nice Hot Cherry lipstick. Why do I think she'll end up doing shots of Ouzo with Berlusconi before the night is over.
Enough with this pope business. And get off your knees George!!
And someone please tell me what Condi rice was doing in that black cocktail dress/nun habit while sporting the veil of Turin. Nice Hot Cherry lipstick. Why do I think she'll end up doing shots of Ouzo with Berlusconi before the night is over.
Enough with this pope business. And get off your knees George!!
Herpie the Love Bug Goes to Mexico
A Georgia woman is suing NFL quarterback Michael Vick, claiming he gave her herpes in 2003. More importantly, the woman's lawsuit alleges that Vick often goes by the pseudonym "Ron Mexico."
TKID4 wants to praise Vick for his word choice, as Ron Mexico is one of the coolest aliases ever.
In other news, you now need a passport to return to the U.S. from Mexico. And the FBI is attempting to persuade Congress to bypass the 4th amendment and allow law enforcement to conduct searches without the review and approval of a detached magistrate. Sounds like Nazi Russia to this TKID.
TKID4 wants to praise Vick for his word choice, as Ron Mexico is one of the coolest aliases ever.
In other news, you now need a passport to return to the U.S. from Mexico. And the FBI is attempting to persuade Congress to bypass the 4th amendment and allow law enforcement to conduct searches without the review and approval of a detached magistrate. Sounds like Nazi Russia to this TKID.
Apr 4, 2005
Play Ball!!
Tis the season when we brush off the winter debris and dream of humid summer with its chlorine and burning charcoal scents wafting through the air. This dream is triggered by the smack of the ball connecting with the glove in the annual rite of passage, Opening Day. Like most things in sport, opening day has been somewaht commercialized with pre-opening day games such as last night's ALCS rematch. There was also the opening day game in Japan last year, which must have made Moe Berg roll over in his grave. Those blights aside, TKID4 still gets excited over the prospects of warm afternoons on his rooftop listening to games on his radio, sipping a cold domestic and thinking of boobies touched in the past.
TKID4 also remembers the days of his youth when spring meant trips down the local 7-11 to purchase packs of Topps baseball cards. This annual event occurred in late March-early April as Topps cards made their way down south through the ante-bellum supply chain of the 80's.
Beginning in 1985, the quest to complete all 792 cards of the Topps set was a perilous one. Packs were scarce. Doubles and triples were common place. One may have to purchase two or three boxes totaling over 1500 cards to make a set. TKID4 chased Atlanta Braves cards, as well as some key stars including certain future HOF's including Dwight Gooden, Eric Davis and Darryl Strawberry. Cal Ripkid's streak was only a few years old, Pete Rose was still playing and gambling, and times were good. Pulling a Dale Murphy made my week!!
Today baseball has changed. It has become over-commercialized and now caters to America's infatuation with wealth accumulation and status. Sadly, baseball card collecting has not been spared in this movement.
In 1986, a pack of cards cost 35 cents. It contained 15 cards and a stick of gum. On TKID4's budget, that meant 3 to 6 packs of cards at a time, which provided hours of entertainment. Fast forward to today. The average pack of cards is now $3 for 7 cards. Today's consumer is much more sophisticated. They demand quality and more importantly return on investment. The baseball card craze of the 80's which drove many collectors to invest their children's college funds in cards, fuels today's hobbyists who are wholly unsatisfied with bland cards on cardboard stock. The market has responded by producing cards which feature player autographs, pieces of jerseys, balls, and cards numbered to 10 or 100, rather than the generic 1,000,000 cards Topps produced from the 50's to 90's. The other day I saw a 10 year old at a baseball card show pull a card out of a pack that featured a piece of Jackie Robinson's 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. As I saw his excitement I wondered, what sicko would cut up that jersey. It would be like the Smithsonian cutting up pieces of Old Glory and selling them in the souvenir shop. BTW, the pack he pulled the card from came one to a box and sold for $125.
TKID still collects cards. He prefers to buy wax packs from the 1980's. They can be had for pretty cheap. Just don't try the gum.
TKID4 also remembers the days of his youth when spring meant trips down the local 7-11 to purchase packs of Topps baseball cards. This annual event occurred in late March-early April as Topps cards made their way down south through the ante-bellum supply chain of the 80's.
Beginning in 1985, the quest to complete all 792 cards of the Topps set was a perilous one. Packs were scarce. Doubles and triples were common place. One may have to purchase two or three boxes totaling over 1500 cards to make a set. TKID4 chased Atlanta Braves cards, as well as some key stars including certain future HOF's including Dwight Gooden, Eric Davis and Darryl Strawberry. Cal Ripkid's streak was only a few years old, Pete Rose was still playing and gambling, and times were good. Pulling a Dale Murphy made my week!!
Today baseball has changed. It has become over-commercialized and now caters to America's infatuation with wealth accumulation and status. Sadly, baseball card collecting has not been spared in this movement.
In 1986, a pack of cards cost 35 cents. It contained 15 cards and a stick of gum. On TKID4's budget, that meant 3 to 6 packs of cards at a time, which provided hours of entertainment. Fast forward to today. The average pack of cards is now $3 for 7 cards. Today's consumer is much more sophisticated. They demand quality and more importantly return on investment. The baseball card craze of the 80's which drove many collectors to invest their children's college funds in cards, fuels today's hobbyists who are wholly unsatisfied with bland cards on cardboard stock. The market has responded by producing cards which feature player autographs, pieces of jerseys, balls, and cards numbered to 10 or 100, rather than the generic 1,000,000 cards Topps produced from the 50's to 90's. The other day I saw a 10 year old at a baseball card show pull a card out of a pack that featured a piece of Jackie Robinson's 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. As I saw his excitement I wondered, what sicko would cut up that jersey. It would be like the Smithsonian cutting up pieces of Old Glory and selling them in the souvenir shop. BTW, the pack he pulled the card from came one to a box and sold for $125.
TKID still collects cards. He prefers to buy wax packs from the 1980's. They can be had for pretty cheap. Just don't try the gum.
Apr 1, 2005
EXTRA! EXTRA! Hot off the presses
Pope John Paul II has died. The 84-year-old, perpetually-fading pontiff was reported dead on virtually every news website for at least one hour today. However, it seems that reports of his death have been exaggerated. It's a safe bet that the media will keep us abreast of this riveting drama with 24/7 coverage until long after the papal passing.
In other hot news, various newspapers and TV networks are reporting that the nauseatingly overdone story of Terri Schiavo is far from finished, with months of continuing coverage of the various skirmishes over her corpse and on the developing "culture of life" crusade. Stay tuned!
In other hot news, various newspapers and TV networks are reporting that the nauseatingly overdone story of Terri Schiavo is far from finished, with months of continuing coverage of the various skirmishes over her corpse and on the developing "culture of life" crusade. Stay tuned!
Mar 31, 2005
Mar 30, 2005
Totally Tubular
As most of our news-addicted t-Kids have heard, Pope John Paul II, long suffering from Parkinson’s disease and an assortment of other ailments, including a progressive neurological disorder, now has his own feeding tube. The ailing Pontiff received a nasal-gastric tube yesterday afternoon to “improve caloric intake and improve his chances for recovery,” the Vatican said.
This new tube insertion follows a tracheotomy he received on Feb. 24, during which a breathing tube was inserted into his windpipe. Speaking through a nurse, spokesman and interpreter last week, the Pope said “he has abandoned himself to God’s will – and that of the technicians operating his artificial respirator." In another statement, he compared his own suffering to that of Jesus Christ – "except for the crucifixion part, his effortless oxygen-enriched breathing and the seemingly endless supply of morphine.”
With the additional tube, the 84-year-old head of the Catholic Church now has more life-saving machines than any previous Pope in the Church’s two thousand year history. A physician at Rome's Gemelli hospital said there is a “better than likely chance” he will even have a third tube surgically inserted into his stomach, "he's really more machine than man now." Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, a close papal associate and potential successor, said as soon as the nasal tube is snaked into the Pope’s gastric system he will administer to him liquefied communion or “Jesus Juice” – not to be confused with the “Jesus Juice” referred to recently in testimony during the child rape trial of pop icon Michael Jackson.
A dozen or more religious activists from Georgia and Florida, including former Green Beret Bo Gritz, gathered outside the hospital to support the Pope’s decision to have a feeding tube inserted. There is no information to indicate whether the Pope has a living will in effect or whether the Pinellas County Court in Florida has any legal jurisdiction within the Vatican.
This new tube insertion follows a tracheotomy he received on Feb. 24, during which a breathing tube was inserted into his windpipe. Speaking through a nurse, spokesman and interpreter last week, the Pope said “he has abandoned himself to God’s will – and that of the technicians operating his artificial respirator." In another statement, he compared his own suffering to that of Jesus Christ – "except for the crucifixion part, his effortless oxygen-enriched breathing and the seemingly endless supply of morphine.”
With the additional tube, the 84-year-old head of the Catholic Church now has more life-saving machines than any previous Pope in the Church’s two thousand year history. A physician at Rome's Gemelli hospital said there is a “better than likely chance” he will even have a third tube surgically inserted into his stomach, "he's really more machine than man now." Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, a close papal associate and potential successor, said as soon as the nasal tube is snaked into the Pope’s gastric system he will administer to him liquefied communion or “Jesus Juice” – not to be confused with the “Jesus Juice” referred to recently in testimony during the child rape trial of pop icon Michael Jackson.
A dozen or more religious activists from Georgia and Florida, including former Green Beret Bo Gritz, gathered outside the hospital to support the Pope’s decision to have a feeding tube inserted. There is no information to indicate whether the Pope has a living will in effect or whether the Pinellas County Court in Florida has any legal jurisdiction within the Vatican.
wolfkid jack
A newly-released study finds that the longer a man's ring finger is in comparison to the length of his index finger the more aggressive he's likely to be.
Apparently, lengthy ring fingers mean more prenatal testosterone or something, but I couldn't be bothered to read the details from the study. The bottom-line is that a guy who swings an excessively protruding ring finger is not someone with which to trifle.
Upon hearing this, I immediately flashed-back to a vision of The Kid (that's The Original Kid) playing the keyboard during a soldout performance at a concert hall. While watching The Kid's hairy, gnarled fingers flash up and down the keys, I was struck by his prodigious digits, particularly the length of his ring fingers. He could easily stretch across six keys to tap an ivory with those suckers. I didn't think much of this at the time. But now, I know ...
Apparently, lengthy ring fingers mean more prenatal testosterone or something, but I couldn't be bothered to read the details from the study. The bottom-line is that a guy who swings an excessively protruding ring finger is not someone with which to trifle.
Upon hearing this, I immediately flashed-back to a vision of The Kid (that's The Original Kid) playing the keyboard during a soldout performance at a concert hall. While watching The Kid's hairy, gnarled fingers flash up and down the keys, I was struck by his prodigious digits, particularly the length of his ring fingers. He could easily stretch across six keys to tap an ivory with those suckers. I didn't think much of this at the time. But now, I know ...
cheerleader in chief
A great gnashing of liberal teeth has accompanied news reports claiming that a mysterious Republican staffer in a faux Secret Service get-up (complete with the cool earpiece) forcibly tossed three people from one of President Bush's "town meetings" on social security. With all sides agreeing that the three people did nothing disruptive at the meeting, which was held in Denver, the supposed reason for booting them seems to be that a member of the Bush posse spotted an anti-Dubya bumper sticker on the trio's car.
What's the big deal, we here at TKID's Blog ask? Republican operatives are totally within their rights to pose as secret service agents while tossing a few treehuggers out of a taxpayer-funded Bush lovefest. After all, a voter mandate put us conservatives in power – we run the show now. That's right; the whole enchilada, biatch.
Additionally, I looked up the definition of "town meeting." Webster's says the term refers to "a meeting of the qualified voters of a town." So who better to decide who constitutes "qualified voters" than Rove's shock troops? Besides, George W. Bush is renowned for his skills as a cheerleader, garnered during his wonder years at Andover and Yale. That guy knows who to stir up a crowd with a megaphone like nobody's business. But, as any good cheerleader knows, only a few fans from the an opposing prep school can ruin a rousing chant of "Ra Ra Ra, Sis Boom Bah!"
What's the big deal, we here at TKID's Blog ask? Republican operatives are totally within their rights to pose as secret service agents while tossing a few treehuggers out of a taxpayer-funded Bush lovefest. After all, a voter mandate put us conservatives in power – we run the show now. That's right; the whole enchilada, biatch.
Additionally, I looked up the definition of "town meeting." Webster's says the term refers to "a meeting of the qualified voters of a town." So who better to decide who constitutes "qualified voters" than Rove's shock troops? Besides, George W. Bush is renowned for his skills as a cheerleader, garnered during his wonder years at Andover and Yale. That guy knows who to stir up a crowd with a megaphone like nobody's business. But, as any good cheerleader knows, only a few fans from the an opposing prep school can ruin a rousing chant of "Ra Ra Ra, Sis Boom Bah!"
Terry Shiite-vo
Good thing America's newest brain dead darling isn't a child resting in an Iraqi hospice right now. Odds are, there would be no feeding tubes available to her.
According to the AP, nearly twice as many Iraqi children are going hungry at present as compared to when Saddam Hussein was discovered cowering in a rat hole...errr I mean found fighting it out with G.I.'s from a bombed out house before being taken prisoner.
"Four percent of Iraqis under age 5 went hungry in the months after Saddam's ouster in April 2003, and the rate nearly doubled to 7.7 percent last year"
TKID4 is still trying to trackdown the October 2004 U.S. study which estimated that "as many as 100,000 more Iraqis many of them women and children had died since the start of the U.S.-led invasion than would have been expected otherwise, based on the mortality rate before the war."
The TKID's wonder, if Terry wore a veil and spoke A-Rab, would she have even received a feeding tube in the first place? The only U.S. government assistance someone like her is likely to receive in a place like Fallujah is an army-issued boot to the groin or some overnight express delivered uranium-tipped ordinance.
According to the AP, nearly twice as many Iraqi children are going hungry at present as compared to when Saddam Hussein was discovered cowering in a rat hole...errr I mean found fighting it out with G.I.'s from a bombed out house before being taken prisoner.
"Four percent of Iraqis under age 5 went hungry in the months after Saddam's ouster in April 2003, and the rate nearly doubled to 7.7 percent last year"
TKID4 is still trying to trackdown the October 2004 U.S. study which estimated that "as many as 100,000 more Iraqis many of them women and children had died since the start of the U.S.-led invasion than would have been expected otherwise, based on the mortality rate before the war."
The TKID's wonder, if Terry wore a veil and spoke A-Rab, would she have even received a feeding tube in the first place? The only U.S. government assistance someone like her is likely to receive in a place like Fallujah is an army-issued boot to the groin or some overnight express delivered uranium-tipped ordinance.
Mar 29, 2005
Terri Schiavo Pay-per-view Vivisection
Michael Schiavo has ordered an autopsy be performed immediately upon the impending demise of his wife Terri, in part to stop rumors that he is planning on cremating her remains as part of an extensive cover-up. Schiavo's official autopsy request asks that the post-mortem procedure delve into the "massive" extent of the brain damage she suffered in 1990.
For TKID, there is only one thing worse than having an autopsy performed on you while you are still alive. And that is having incredible unphotogenic snap shots of your brain dead body plastered over every media outlet in the world. Why not just publish photos of TKID4's flaccid, atrophied man-unit on Fox News Channel on a repeating 24-hour news cycle for the next 6 months? Of course, Terri will be dead and gone by the time they open the sucker. But what will they find? I am betting on there being a gnome chillin' in her colon munching on what remains of Tom DeLay's dignity.
What pathologist drew this duty, BTW? Cutting open a 12-year bed ridden woman is quite a position to be in, almost as bad as being bed ridden yourself for more than a decade. I don't see Quincy knocking down the morgue doors to get a crack at that. Let's get some Republican Congresspersons to go in there and hold her spleen for a few seconds. Maybe what they witness will curb their activism. Congress should be careful when seeking entry into the private lives of its constituents. Sometimes its not very pretty in there.
On a related note, TKID4 ordered that his own autopsy be performed by man-eating Kimodo dragons off the coasts of the Galapagos.
For TKID, there is only one thing worse than having an autopsy performed on you while you are still alive. And that is having incredible unphotogenic snap shots of your brain dead body plastered over every media outlet in the world. Why not just publish photos of TKID4's flaccid, atrophied man-unit on Fox News Channel on a repeating 24-hour news cycle for the next 6 months? Of course, Terri will be dead and gone by the time they open the sucker. But what will they find? I am betting on there being a gnome chillin' in her colon munching on what remains of Tom DeLay's dignity.
What pathologist drew this duty, BTW? Cutting open a 12-year bed ridden woman is quite a position to be in, almost as bad as being bed ridden yourself for more than a decade. I don't see Quincy knocking down the morgue doors to get a crack at that. Let's get some Republican Congresspersons to go in there and hold her spleen for a few seconds. Maybe what they witness will curb their activism. Congress should be careful when seeking entry into the private lives of its constituents. Sometimes its not very pretty in there.
On a related note, TKID4 ordered that his own autopsy be performed by man-eating Kimodo dragons off the coasts of the Galapagos.
a venue for genius
I'd like to use this post to give thanks for the medium of blogging. Until quite recently, my brilliant musings were often tragically lost to society. When I would speak, my wisdom bursting with every utterance, there was rarely a large crowd on hand to listen to my opinions. But now, armed with TKID's Blog, literally thousands of reverent readers hang on my every typed word.
Critics of blogs and the greater pundit community, the chosen few, often use the crude maxim: opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one. To this I counter that not all are opinions are created equal. For instance, though it may be true that I've never left North America, my opinions on geopolitics are extremely valuable due to the immense knowledge I bring to any discussion. Just the other night, as I read a passage from The Lord of the Rings, I realized the uncanny parallels between Mordor and Iraq.(And don't get me started on the Gandalf/Dubya connections.) Few others could've brought such an intense, scholarly analysis as this to the table, linking the fantasy novel world and Dungeons & Dragons to that of Pentagon war planning. But without the medium of blogging, this brilliance might not have seen the light of day.
I'd enjoy nothing more than to give you my myriad thoughts on the Schiavo situation, the scientific and prophetic conclusions to be drawn from repeated Sumatran earthquakes, the impact fibrous tissues found in fossilized dinosaur bones may have on the intelligent design debate, or my thoughts on how the roots of liberalism are linked to dangerous tenets of masonry, but my mother is now bleating to me that it's time for me to take out the trash. Alas, I must log-off for now.
Critics of blogs and the greater pundit community, the chosen few, often use the crude maxim: opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one. To this I counter that not all are opinions are created equal. For instance, though it may be true that I've never left North America, my opinions on geopolitics are extremely valuable due to the immense knowledge I bring to any discussion. Just the other night, as I read a passage from The Lord of the Rings, I realized the uncanny parallels between Mordor and Iraq.(And don't get me started on the Gandalf/Dubya connections.) Few others could've brought such an intense, scholarly analysis as this to the table, linking the fantasy novel world and Dungeons & Dragons to that of Pentagon war planning. But without the medium of blogging, this brilliance might not have seen the light of day.
I'd enjoy nothing more than to give you my myriad thoughts on the Schiavo situation, the scientific and prophetic conclusions to be drawn from repeated Sumatran earthquakes, the impact fibrous tissues found in fossilized dinosaur bones may have on the intelligent design debate, or my thoughts on how the roots of liberalism are linked to dangerous tenets of masonry, but my mother is now bleating to me that it's time for me to take out the trash. Alas, I must log-off for now.
Mar 25, 2005
Lizard Kids Made the Myths in FLA
A recently unearthed promotional film featuring a college-aged Jim Morrison has been made available to the public here. The film shows a young Lizard King checking his sun-drenched Florida State University mailbox while sporting cropped locks for the admission letter that never comes. The Adonis-to-be is also featured in a one-on-one interview with a starched collar school official type who breaks the news to the future rocker that school budget cuts will force course cancelations. After that, the viewer is left to wonder, what will happen to the young man? Maybe death.....
Mr. Mojo Risin left FSU shortly after this film was made (circa 1964) to seek his fortune in California, where indeed the myths were being made. But recently, his birth state of Florida is grabbing the headlines. From elections to Elian, 9-11 classroom show and tells to feeding tubes, shuttle malfunctions to serial killers, it seems that the Sunshine State is making its claim to be the "heart of it all." Natural disasters are truly common place across the narrow peninsula, and who knows if the future president is currenly looming a few steps from the Lizard Kid's former alma mater. Will Florida sink to the Atlantic in an Armageddon-like conflagaration, or lead the nation into the Neo-conservative literal translation 21st century? Sides are being chosen as we speak. One thing is for sure, Jim Morrison is having a big laugh at the shitstorms brewing in the Gulf of Mexico while eating some tacos at the great drive-thru in the sky.
Mr. Mojo Risin left FSU shortly after this film was made (circa 1964) to seek his fortune in California, where indeed the myths were being made. But recently, his birth state of Florida is grabbing the headlines. From elections to Elian, 9-11 classroom show and tells to feeding tubes, shuttle malfunctions to serial killers, it seems that the Sunshine State is making its claim to be the "heart of it all." Natural disasters are truly common place across the narrow peninsula, and who knows if the future president is currenly looming a few steps from the Lizard Kid's former alma mater. Will Florida sink to the Atlantic in an Armageddon-like conflagaration, or lead the nation into the Neo-conservative literal translation 21st century? Sides are being chosen as we speak. One thing is for sure, Jim Morrison is having a big laugh at the shitstorms brewing in the Gulf of Mexico while eating some tacos at the great drive-thru in the sky.
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