This just in, courtesy of the liberal media: our diplomats posted overseas can't speak foreign tongues. According to a report by the Government Accountability Office, high numbers of State Department employees fail to meet minimum language requirements. For example, the article states, 40 percent of the diplomats in Beijing can't speak Chinese (pronounced "chai-neeese") while 60 percent are dumbstruck when it comes to Arabic in both the Yemen and Egypt offices. Furthermore, the report found that the standards themselves are woefully inadequate.
Our response to this hand-ringing hub-bub: so the hell what? Americans speak English, of the American variety. If foreigners want to talk to us they best be learning the King's English with a healthy dollop of slang from the U.S. of A. Besides, how important are China or the Middle East to our national interests? Seriously. If any of those countries start feeling uppity, all we have to do is whip outour Stealth Bombers, Navy SEALS, and M1-Abrams.
Here's how a diplomatic negotiation could (and should) go in Beijing:
Xo Ding-Dong Mao, Chinese under-under secretary of foreign affairs: "Tsing-tao tai bo mee gooreng tsao kung pao?"
Ted Johnstone, U.S. deputy ambassador to China: "Hey Donger. I couldn't quite catch that. Would you like me to check in with Strategic Air Command back in Kansas city for a translation? No? I didn't think so."
Aug 11, 2006
Aug 10, 2006
Back from the war on fascism
Greetings and salutations. TKid4 here. From all of us here at TKid's Blog please accept our sincere apologies for the long dormancy of this blog. We know from our sophisticated blog software here in our Kuala Lumpur HQ that many of you, dear readers, logged onto the site each and every day. We can only imagine the looks of despair, writ large on all of your fat faces, when you saw time and time again that you would be deprived of brilliance emanating from The Lump'. Again, our apologies.
Rest assured that our absence was due to an important mission. Although we can't discuss specifics due to sensitive intelligence and the like, we were engaged in the most crucial of all tasks: defending America from Islamofascists.
On that note, we're glad to see that President George W. Bush has finally summoned the courage to call our nation's enemies by their true names: fascists, of the Islamic variety. Now, there has long been a taboo attached to political leaders' use of this term, and particularly in tandem with referring to a particular religion. Additionally, some misguided America-haters argue that the term is simplistic, innacurate, and stupid sounding when applied to global terror syndicates; that those speaking the term sound like a hippie doofus in a low-watt comedy flick: "Dean Pemberton, you're like a total fascist pig!"
This argument is pure hooey. Yes, fascism revolves around nationalism, a centralized goverment, a dictator, and the suppression of religion. And sure, Al Queda is a shadowy collective of religious fundamentalists who operate across and outside of national borders. We'll give you yellow-bellied pansies those points. But what you forget is that they are EVIL. So were the Nazis. Enough said. Case closed.
Thank goodness for our fellow conservative bloggers like Michelle Malkin and Charles Johnson of LGF (both of whom are close personal friends of TKidBlog's CEO, David LoPan) who have trotted out the "Islamofascist" appellation whenever possible, keeping it alive until the Bush Administration pulled its head out of its ass. Finally, today, President Bush referred to "Islamic fascists" during a press conference address about the airliner attacks foiled by the Brits. (Click here to watch. Ignore his awkward diction as he belts out the term, which makes him sound like he's chewing on marbles. Nobody's perfect.)
Although today is clearly one to celebrate our limey friends across the pond, we must be wary of their innate namby pamby tendencies. Just the other day Tony Blair gave a speech in which he laid out the Global War on Terror as a war of "values" and ideas, in which the enemy, to both moderate Islam and the Western world is one of "extremism." What a crock. Yo, Blair, it's a war in which the guys with the biggest guns, better deity (Jesus rules!), and, frankly, biggest balls will prevail. USA, baby.
Rest assured that our absence was due to an important mission. Although we can't discuss specifics due to sensitive intelligence and the like, we were engaged in the most crucial of all tasks: defending America from Islamofascists.
On that note, we're glad to see that President George W. Bush has finally summoned the courage to call our nation's enemies by their true names: fascists, of the Islamic variety. Now, there has long been a taboo attached to political leaders' use of this term, and particularly in tandem with referring to a particular religion. Additionally, some misguided America-haters argue that the term is simplistic, innacurate, and stupid sounding when applied to global terror syndicates; that those speaking the term sound like a hippie doofus in a low-watt comedy flick: "Dean Pemberton, you're like a total fascist pig!"
This argument is pure hooey. Yes, fascism revolves around nationalism, a centralized goverment, a dictator, and the suppression of religion. And sure, Al Queda is a shadowy collective of religious fundamentalists who operate across and outside of national borders. We'll give you yellow-bellied pansies those points. But what you forget is that they are EVIL. So were the Nazis. Enough said. Case closed.
Thank goodness for our fellow conservative bloggers like Michelle Malkin and Charles Johnson of LGF (both of whom are close personal friends of TKidBlog's CEO, David LoPan) who have trotted out the "Islamofascist" appellation whenever possible, keeping it alive until the Bush Administration pulled its head out of its ass. Finally, today, President Bush referred to "Islamic fascists" during a press conference address about the airliner attacks foiled by the Brits. (Click here to watch. Ignore his awkward diction as he belts out the term, which makes him sound like he's chewing on marbles. Nobody's perfect.)
Although today is clearly one to celebrate our limey friends across the pond, we must be wary of their innate namby pamby tendencies. Just the other day Tony Blair gave a speech in which he laid out the Global War on Terror as a war of "values" and ideas, in which the enemy, to both moderate Islam and the Western world is one of "extremism." What a crock. Yo, Blair, it's a war in which the guys with the biggest guns, better deity (Jesus rules!), and, frankly, biggest balls will prevail. USA, baby.
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