Two of TKID5's favorite conservative commentators are Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin. Their scathing critiques of liberalism and its ilk are top notch. Remember Coulter's line about killing all the leaders of Muslim countries? That was awesome! However, one theory proposed by these two, which seems to be gaining salience among my fellow blog/talk radio partisans, is that liberals no longer tout the hot chicks among their ranks. They assert that the hotties are now fully in the pantheon of the conservative revolution, while liberals are left with wrinkled hippies. One common explanation for this shift is that the good looking ladies are bellwethers of social change; that the ladies are flocking to the paradigm of our time, which is a return to good old American traditional values, and that wherever the female cuties go, men will follow.
Though TKID5 desperately wants this to be true, he finds little evidence to back this heavenly theory. Coulter and Malkin may be geniuses, but hot? Oh my gawd. Just the thought of Coulter naked gives me the chills. She looks like Buffalo Bill in a blonde wig. And whenever TKID5 goes to a rightwing party - perhaps a strategy session or a book burning - he sees a lot of suits and a few church ladies. Let's face it, the righteous, Godly chicks are butt. Though TKID5 likes to espouse family values in his politics, that no sex until marriage thing is not part of his credo. And the Christian rock scene? No thanks. I don't need to listen to some wanker yapping about the New Testament over Deep Purple chords while a plumper who would only go missionary-style - if I was lucky - does that awful Jenna Bush "hook 'em horns" sign with her tongue hanging out.
On the other hand, whenever TKID5 traipses around enemy territory - the dens of liberal hell like NYC, Chicago or SF - he spots rampant numbers of hotties. Of course, these ladies sniff out my family values style before I can tell them I'm a Senate staffer who believes in faith-based giving (I'm all about giving, baby), but I'm not sure those lines would even work with them. And just the thought of their liberal, free-living ways, the lifestyle of the modern woman, makes TKID5 desperately jealous of those crunchy, sissy liberal guys.
Oh well, back to perusing my conservative dating service.
