President Bush will wisely approve a national security directive in several days which will move the United States closer to fielding offensive and defensive space weapons. As in space lasers and stuff. With the recent failings of the U.S. Space Shuttle program and the International Space Station, the implementation of such a directive would move America the Beautiful and the world away from the space race and towards a space arms race.
The Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing and pre-deploying space weapons. This directive would provide the authorization and blueprint for full deployment of such weaponry as the mobile multiple nuclear warhead launch vehicle (MMNWLV) and the comprehensive missile defense shield (CMDS). Opponents of the directive claim that such an aggressive posture by the U.S. may cause an escalation not only in space-based arms, but in land and sea based weapons as well.
Air Force officials said the directive did not call for militarizing space. According to its spokesman, Sam the Eagle, the focus is not on putting weapons in space, but rather "having free access in space.” TKID4 nuclear proliferation policy analyst Ted Kiegals clarified the statement. "With all the alien space robots causing havoc for our lunar land colonies up there, it is time the U.S. started protecting its settlers. We need to clear out that space, just like we did the Midwest plains of those backwater vermin in the 1500s."
Lost in the debate of whether the U.S. should man outerspace with floating death platforms is the threat of as-of-yet unknown alien species launching a surprise attack against earth. "You can bet those little green goblins are sitting pretty right as we speak in their musty pods, somewhere on the dark side of the moon," Kiegals said. "When Bush signs this directive, that will get their antennae a'twitchin."
The full directive can be viewed at the Air Force's website www.af.milf/.
