A group of conservatives is reportedly drafting a "bioethics agenda" for the White House. Led by bio-guru Leon R. Kass, the group is trying to steer the Bush posse toward banning stem cell research and the like. In a document, which was obtained by The Washington Post, the group writes: "We have today an administration and a Congress as friendly to human life and human dignity as we are likely to have for many years to come."
That explains a lot. For years now, I've wondered what it is about Dubya that bugs me. I'm all for his wars and such, but he just gets on my nerves. For a while I thought it was his smug giggle, or that world-class silver spoon, but now I know the truth: it's because he's "friendly to human life." I can't stand human life. Whenever I see a toddler picking flowers or smiling I want to hurl. Humans drive me nuts. As a human myself, this is a difficult phobia. I've had to sequester myself in a hut where I'm unlikely to run into any humans (except for runs to the country store for toilet paper).
Come to think of it, all life pisses me off. I wish we could just pave over every bit of green in this stupid world. And don't get me started on "dignity." Who needs dignity? Watch me guzzle a beer with my hand down my pants and just tell me I need dignity; I dare you.
From now on, I'm going to suck up my loathing of humans to begin an anti-life coalition. We've got to get started now, before those conservative life-lovers take over. Oh wait, they already have.
