Mar 31, 2005
Mar 30, 2005
Totally Tubular
As most of our news-addicted t-Kids have heard, Pope John Paul II, long suffering from Parkinson’s disease and an assortment of other ailments, including a progressive neurological disorder, now has his own feeding tube. The ailing Pontiff received a nasal-gastric tube yesterday afternoon to “improve caloric intake and improve his chances for recovery,” the Vatican said.
This new tube insertion follows a tracheotomy he received on Feb. 24, during which a breathing tube was inserted into his windpipe. Speaking through a nurse, spokesman and interpreter last week, the Pope said “he has abandoned himself to God’s will – and that of the technicians operating his artificial respirator." In another statement, he compared his own suffering to that of Jesus Christ – "except for the crucifixion part, his effortless oxygen-enriched breathing and the seemingly endless supply of morphine.”
With the additional tube, the 84-year-old head of the Catholic Church now has more life-saving machines than any previous Pope in the Church’s two thousand year history. A physician at Rome's Gemelli hospital said there is a “better than likely chance” he will even have a third tube surgically inserted into his stomach, "he's really more machine than man now." Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, a close papal associate and potential successor, said as soon as the nasal tube is snaked into the Pope’s gastric system he will administer to him liquefied communion or “Jesus Juice” – not to be confused with the “Jesus Juice” referred to recently in testimony during the child rape trial of pop icon Michael Jackson.
A dozen or more religious activists from Georgia and Florida, including former Green Beret Bo Gritz, gathered outside the hospital to support the Pope’s decision to have a feeding tube inserted. There is no information to indicate whether the Pope has a living will in effect or whether the Pinellas County Court in Florida has any legal jurisdiction within the Vatican.
This new tube insertion follows a tracheotomy he received on Feb. 24, during which a breathing tube was inserted into his windpipe. Speaking through a nurse, spokesman and interpreter last week, the Pope said “he has abandoned himself to God’s will – and that of the technicians operating his artificial respirator." In another statement, he compared his own suffering to that of Jesus Christ – "except for the crucifixion part, his effortless oxygen-enriched breathing and the seemingly endless supply of morphine.”
With the additional tube, the 84-year-old head of the Catholic Church now has more life-saving machines than any previous Pope in the Church’s two thousand year history. A physician at Rome's Gemelli hospital said there is a “better than likely chance” he will even have a third tube surgically inserted into his stomach, "he's really more machine than man now." Cardinal Giovanni Battista Re, a close papal associate and potential successor, said as soon as the nasal tube is snaked into the Pope’s gastric system he will administer to him liquefied communion or “Jesus Juice” – not to be confused with the “Jesus Juice” referred to recently in testimony during the child rape trial of pop icon Michael Jackson.
A dozen or more religious activists from Georgia and Florida, including former Green Beret Bo Gritz, gathered outside the hospital to support the Pope’s decision to have a feeding tube inserted. There is no information to indicate whether the Pope has a living will in effect or whether the Pinellas County Court in Florida has any legal jurisdiction within the Vatican.
wolfkid jack
A newly-released study finds that the longer a man's ring finger is in comparison to the length of his index finger the more aggressive he's likely to be.
Apparently, lengthy ring fingers mean more prenatal testosterone or something, but I couldn't be bothered to read the details from the study. The bottom-line is that a guy who swings an excessively protruding ring finger is not someone with which to trifle.
Upon hearing this, I immediately flashed-back to a vision of The Kid (that's The Original Kid) playing the keyboard during a soldout performance at a concert hall. While watching The Kid's hairy, gnarled fingers flash up and down the keys, I was struck by his prodigious digits, particularly the length of his ring fingers. He could easily stretch across six keys to tap an ivory with those suckers. I didn't think much of this at the time. But now, I know ...
Apparently, lengthy ring fingers mean more prenatal testosterone or something, but I couldn't be bothered to read the details from the study. The bottom-line is that a guy who swings an excessively protruding ring finger is not someone with which to trifle.
Upon hearing this, I immediately flashed-back to a vision of The Kid (that's The Original Kid) playing the keyboard during a soldout performance at a concert hall. While watching The Kid's hairy, gnarled fingers flash up and down the keys, I was struck by his prodigious digits, particularly the length of his ring fingers. He could easily stretch across six keys to tap an ivory with those suckers. I didn't think much of this at the time. But now, I know ...
cheerleader in chief
A great gnashing of liberal teeth has accompanied news reports claiming that a mysterious Republican staffer in a faux Secret Service get-up (complete with the cool earpiece) forcibly tossed three people from one of President Bush's "town meetings" on social security. With all sides agreeing that the three people did nothing disruptive at the meeting, which was held in Denver, the supposed reason for booting them seems to be that a member of the Bush posse spotted an anti-Dubya bumper sticker on the trio's car.
What's the big deal, we here at TKID's Blog ask? Republican operatives are totally within their rights to pose as secret service agents while tossing a few treehuggers out of a taxpayer-funded Bush lovefest. After all, a voter mandate put us conservatives in power – we run the show now. That's right; the whole enchilada, biatch.
Additionally, I looked up the definition of "town meeting." Webster's says the term refers to "a meeting of the qualified voters of a town." So who better to decide who constitutes "qualified voters" than Rove's shock troops? Besides, George W. Bush is renowned for his skills as a cheerleader, garnered during his wonder years at Andover and Yale. That guy knows who to stir up a crowd with a megaphone like nobody's business. But, as any good cheerleader knows, only a few fans from the an opposing prep school can ruin a rousing chant of "Ra Ra Ra, Sis Boom Bah!"
What's the big deal, we here at TKID's Blog ask? Republican operatives are totally within their rights to pose as secret service agents while tossing a few treehuggers out of a taxpayer-funded Bush lovefest. After all, a voter mandate put us conservatives in power – we run the show now. That's right; the whole enchilada, biatch.
Additionally, I looked up the definition of "town meeting." Webster's says the term refers to "a meeting of the qualified voters of a town." So who better to decide who constitutes "qualified voters" than Rove's shock troops? Besides, George W. Bush is renowned for his skills as a cheerleader, garnered during his wonder years at Andover and Yale. That guy knows who to stir up a crowd with a megaphone like nobody's business. But, as any good cheerleader knows, only a few fans from the an opposing prep school can ruin a rousing chant of "Ra Ra Ra, Sis Boom Bah!"
Terry Shiite-vo
Good thing America's newest brain dead darling isn't a child resting in an Iraqi hospice right now. Odds are, there would be no feeding tubes available to her.
According to the AP, nearly twice as many Iraqi children are going hungry at present as compared to when Saddam Hussein was discovered cowering in a rat hole...errr I mean found fighting it out with G.I.'s from a bombed out house before being taken prisoner.
"Four percent of Iraqis under age 5 went hungry in the months after Saddam's ouster in April 2003, and the rate nearly doubled to 7.7 percent last year"
TKID4 is still trying to trackdown the October 2004 U.S. study which estimated that "as many as 100,000 more Iraqis many of them women and children had died since the start of the U.S.-led invasion than would have been expected otherwise, based on the mortality rate before the war."
The TKID's wonder, if Terry wore a veil and spoke A-Rab, would she have even received a feeding tube in the first place? The only U.S. government assistance someone like her is likely to receive in a place like Fallujah is an army-issued boot to the groin or some overnight express delivered uranium-tipped ordinance.
According to the AP, nearly twice as many Iraqi children are going hungry at present as compared to when Saddam Hussein was discovered cowering in a rat hole...errr I mean found fighting it out with G.I.'s from a bombed out house before being taken prisoner.
"Four percent of Iraqis under age 5 went hungry in the months after Saddam's ouster in April 2003, and the rate nearly doubled to 7.7 percent last year"
TKID4 is still trying to trackdown the October 2004 U.S. study which estimated that "as many as 100,000 more Iraqis many of them women and children had died since the start of the U.S.-led invasion than would have been expected otherwise, based on the mortality rate before the war."
The TKID's wonder, if Terry wore a veil and spoke A-Rab, would she have even received a feeding tube in the first place? The only U.S. government assistance someone like her is likely to receive in a place like Fallujah is an army-issued boot to the groin or some overnight express delivered uranium-tipped ordinance.
Mar 29, 2005
Terri Schiavo Pay-per-view Vivisection
Michael Schiavo has ordered an autopsy be performed immediately upon the impending demise of his wife Terri, in part to stop rumors that he is planning on cremating her remains as part of an extensive cover-up. Schiavo's official autopsy request asks that the post-mortem procedure delve into the "massive" extent of the brain damage she suffered in 1990.
For TKID, there is only one thing worse than having an autopsy performed on you while you are still alive. And that is having incredible unphotogenic snap shots of your brain dead body plastered over every media outlet in the world. Why not just publish photos of TKID4's flaccid, atrophied man-unit on Fox News Channel on a repeating 24-hour news cycle for the next 6 months? Of course, Terri will be dead and gone by the time they open the sucker. But what will they find? I am betting on there being a gnome chillin' in her colon munching on what remains of Tom DeLay's dignity.
What pathologist drew this duty, BTW? Cutting open a 12-year bed ridden woman is quite a position to be in, almost as bad as being bed ridden yourself for more than a decade. I don't see Quincy knocking down the morgue doors to get a crack at that. Let's get some Republican Congresspersons to go in there and hold her spleen for a few seconds. Maybe what they witness will curb their activism. Congress should be careful when seeking entry into the private lives of its constituents. Sometimes its not very pretty in there.
On a related note, TKID4 ordered that his own autopsy be performed by man-eating Kimodo dragons off the coasts of the Galapagos.
For TKID, there is only one thing worse than having an autopsy performed on you while you are still alive. And that is having incredible unphotogenic snap shots of your brain dead body plastered over every media outlet in the world. Why not just publish photos of TKID4's flaccid, atrophied man-unit on Fox News Channel on a repeating 24-hour news cycle for the next 6 months? Of course, Terri will be dead and gone by the time they open the sucker. But what will they find? I am betting on there being a gnome chillin' in her colon munching on what remains of Tom DeLay's dignity.
What pathologist drew this duty, BTW? Cutting open a 12-year bed ridden woman is quite a position to be in, almost as bad as being bed ridden yourself for more than a decade. I don't see Quincy knocking down the morgue doors to get a crack at that. Let's get some Republican Congresspersons to go in there and hold her spleen for a few seconds. Maybe what they witness will curb their activism. Congress should be careful when seeking entry into the private lives of its constituents. Sometimes its not very pretty in there.
On a related note, TKID4 ordered that his own autopsy be performed by man-eating Kimodo dragons off the coasts of the Galapagos.
a venue for genius
I'd like to use this post to give thanks for the medium of blogging. Until quite recently, my brilliant musings were often tragically lost to society. When I would speak, my wisdom bursting with every utterance, there was rarely a large crowd on hand to listen to my opinions. But now, armed with TKID's Blog, literally thousands of reverent readers hang on my every typed word.
Critics of blogs and the greater pundit community, the chosen few, often use the crude maxim: opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one. To this I counter that not all are opinions are created equal. For instance, though it may be true that I've never left North America, my opinions on geopolitics are extremely valuable due to the immense knowledge I bring to any discussion. Just the other night, as I read a passage from The Lord of the Rings, I realized the uncanny parallels between Mordor and Iraq.(And don't get me started on the Gandalf/Dubya connections.) Few others could've brought such an intense, scholarly analysis as this to the table, linking the fantasy novel world and Dungeons & Dragons to that of Pentagon war planning. But without the medium of blogging, this brilliance might not have seen the light of day.
I'd enjoy nothing more than to give you my myriad thoughts on the Schiavo situation, the scientific and prophetic conclusions to be drawn from repeated Sumatran earthquakes, the impact fibrous tissues found in fossilized dinosaur bones may have on the intelligent design debate, or my thoughts on how the roots of liberalism are linked to dangerous tenets of masonry, but my mother is now bleating to me that it's time for me to take out the trash. Alas, I must log-off for now.
Critics of blogs and the greater pundit community, the chosen few, often use the crude maxim: opinions are like assholes; everybody's got one. To this I counter that not all are opinions are created equal. For instance, though it may be true that I've never left North America, my opinions on geopolitics are extremely valuable due to the immense knowledge I bring to any discussion. Just the other night, as I read a passage from The Lord of the Rings, I realized the uncanny parallels between Mordor and Iraq.(And don't get me started on the Gandalf/Dubya connections.) Few others could've brought such an intense, scholarly analysis as this to the table, linking the fantasy novel world and Dungeons & Dragons to that of Pentagon war planning. But without the medium of blogging, this brilliance might not have seen the light of day.
I'd enjoy nothing more than to give you my myriad thoughts on the Schiavo situation, the scientific and prophetic conclusions to be drawn from repeated Sumatran earthquakes, the impact fibrous tissues found in fossilized dinosaur bones may have on the intelligent design debate, or my thoughts on how the roots of liberalism are linked to dangerous tenets of masonry, but my mother is now bleating to me that it's time for me to take out the trash. Alas, I must log-off for now.
Mar 25, 2005
Lizard Kids Made the Myths in FLA
A recently unearthed promotional film featuring a college-aged Jim Morrison has been made available to the public here. The film shows a young Lizard King checking his sun-drenched Florida State University mailbox while sporting cropped locks for the admission letter that never comes. The Adonis-to-be is also featured in a one-on-one interview with a starched collar school official type who breaks the news to the future rocker that school budget cuts will force course cancelations. After that, the viewer is left to wonder, what will happen to the young man? Maybe death.....
Mr. Mojo Risin left FSU shortly after this film was made (circa 1964) to seek his fortune in California, where indeed the myths were being made. But recently, his birth state of Florida is grabbing the headlines. From elections to Elian, 9-11 classroom show and tells to feeding tubes, shuttle malfunctions to serial killers, it seems that the Sunshine State is making its claim to be the "heart of it all." Natural disasters are truly common place across the narrow peninsula, and who knows if the future president is currenly looming a few steps from the Lizard Kid's former alma mater. Will Florida sink to the Atlantic in an Armageddon-like conflagaration, or lead the nation into the Neo-conservative literal translation 21st century? Sides are being chosen as we speak. One thing is for sure, Jim Morrison is having a big laugh at the shitstorms brewing in the Gulf of Mexico while eating some tacos at the great drive-thru in the sky.
Mr. Mojo Risin left FSU shortly after this film was made (circa 1964) to seek his fortune in California, where indeed the myths were being made. But recently, his birth state of Florida is grabbing the headlines. From elections to Elian, 9-11 classroom show and tells to feeding tubes, shuttle malfunctions to serial killers, it seems that the Sunshine State is making its claim to be the "heart of it all." Natural disasters are truly common place across the narrow peninsula, and who knows if the future president is currenly looming a few steps from the Lizard Kid's former alma mater. Will Florida sink to the Atlantic in an Armageddon-like conflagaration, or lead the nation into the Neo-conservative literal translation 21st century? Sides are being chosen as we speak. One thing is for sure, Jim Morrison is having a big laugh at the shitstorms brewing in the Gulf of Mexico while eating some tacos at the great drive-thru in the sky.
fightin' falcons
The Bush Administration has announced the planned sale of approximately 24 American-made fighter jets to Pakistan. The fighters are F-16s, which any TKID's Blog reader will remember from the 1986 movie thriller "Iron Eagle" which featured a teenage pilot in his heroic quest to steal an F-16 to rescue his daddy from baddies in some Arab country. Of course, Pakistan's F-16s will be far better guarded than was the plane in that movie.
The deal with Pakistan is payback for the country's hard work in helping the U.S. in its war on terror, including Pakistan's successful work in catching Bin Laden on their own soil. (Correction: TKID's Blog editor and company mystic David LoPan informs me that Bin Laden has NOT actually been caught. I regret the error.) In any case, it's clear that Pakistan deserves something in return for all its labors. Cheers! India might be pissed that we sold advanced fighter/bombers to its hostile neighbor, but hopefully the Indians will calm down when, as reported, we ink "a very large" deal to sell that country a similar load of fighter planes. Nothing beats making a buck on both sides of a brawl.
However, weak-kneed liberals are sure to whine about the fact that in shipping over the 24 fighters, the U.S. is violating its own sanctions (in place since 1990) against Pakistan for its continued development of a nuclear weapons program - a WMD-toting and mushroom-cloud sporting affair if we've ever seen one. This rather obvious contradiction is made worse by the recent Washington Post report that the U.S. lied about North Korea's sale of nuclear material to Libya, one of the main reasons that freak Kim "Erika" Jong Il pulled North Korea out of multi-party negotiations. As it turns out, the nuclear material was actually sold to Libya by PAKISTAN. Oops. Fortunately for us, this well-intentioned whopper was lost in a sea of other, far-more important national affairs, such as the feeding tube saga. And when it comes to lying about who sells nukes, who cares? You've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet. And besides, we all know who the Axis of Evil is, and it doesn't include Pakistan.
The deal with Pakistan is payback for the country's hard work in helping the U.S. in its war on terror, including Pakistan's successful work in catching Bin Laden on their own soil. (Correction: TKID's Blog editor and company mystic David LoPan informs me that Bin Laden has NOT actually been caught. I regret the error.) In any case, it's clear that Pakistan deserves something in return for all its labors. Cheers! India might be pissed that we sold advanced fighter/bombers to its hostile neighbor, but hopefully the Indians will calm down when, as reported, we ink "a very large" deal to sell that country a similar load of fighter planes. Nothing beats making a buck on both sides of a brawl.
However, weak-kneed liberals are sure to whine about the fact that in shipping over the 24 fighters, the U.S. is violating its own sanctions (in place since 1990) against Pakistan for its continued development of a nuclear weapons program - a WMD-toting and mushroom-cloud sporting affair if we've ever seen one. This rather obvious contradiction is made worse by the recent Washington Post report that the U.S. lied about North Korea's sale of nuclear material to Libya, one of the main reasons that freak Kim "Erika" Jong Il pulled North Korea out of multi-party negotiations. As it turns out, the nuclear material was actually sold to Libya by PAKISTAN. Oops. Fortunately for us, this well-intentioned whopper was lost in a sea of other, far-more important national affairs, such as the feeding tube saga. And when it comes to lying about who sells nukes, who cares? You've got to break a few eggs to make an omelet. And besides, we all know who the Axis of Evil is, and it doesn't include Pakistan.
Mar 24, 2005
Terri Speaks!!!
Thank Odin we have a man like Tom DeLay to separate truth from misinformation. TKID4 was perusing his website this morning and came across some startling facts.
According to DeLay “Mrs. Schiavo’s condition, I believe, has been at times misrepresented by the media, but far more often has simply gone unreported all together. Terri Schiavo is not on a respirator; she can breathe on her own. Terri Schiavo is not brain-dead; she talks and she laughs, and she expresses happiness and discomfort. Terri Schiavo is not on life-support."
Well that makes things a lot simpler. Terri speaks!! Quick, someone ask her if she wants us to put that tube back in.
One of two things is likely to happen in the next 72 hours. One, several thousand protestors rush the hospice where Schiavo "resides" causing the deaths of several other hospice residents before choking Terri to death with several hundred feeding tubes later to be sold on ebay as Relics. The other alternative is Tom DeLay, wearing a crown of thorns and flagellating his breasts, commands Terri at her bedside to rise and speak. As she summons the strength to break wind, DeLay takes it as a message from God that the State of Texas should be granted oil drilling rights at South Padre Island National Wildlife Sanctuary.
According to DeLay “Mrs. Schiavo’s condition, I believe, has been at times misrepresented by the media, but far more often has simply gone unreported all together. Terri Schiavo is not on a respirator; she can breathe on her own. Terri Schiavo is not brain-dead; she talks and she laughs, and she expresses happiness and discomfort. Terri Schiavo is not on life-support."
Well that makes things a lot simpler. Terri speaks!! Quick, someone ask her if she wants us to put that tube back in.
One of two things is likely to happen in the next 72 hours. One, several thousand protestors rush the hospice where Schiavo "resides" causing the deaths of several other hospice residents before choking Terri to death with several hundred feeding tubes later to be sold on ebay as Relics. The other alternative is Tom DeLay, wearing a crown of thorns and flagellating his breasts, commands Terri at her bedside to rise and speak. As she summons the strength to break wind, DeLay takes it as a message from God that the State of Texas should be granted oil drilling rights at South Padre Island National Wildlife Sanctuary.
Mar 22, 2005
FCC's decent into decency
Lost in all the humdrum over feeding tubes and the like is news that the Federal Communication Commission has a new leader. As of Monday, Kevin J. Martin, 38, is at the helm of the FCC and their "wardrobe malfunction" policing duties. Martin, a Bush appointee, possesses boyish good looks and impeccable morals. (In fact, Martin is a dead-ringer for TKid's Blog attorney, Andrew Penfield III. As they both sport Harvard degrees, we're starting to wonder if this is more than just a coincidence. By the way, Penfield, where the hell are you! I've got documents for you to shred.)
We here at TKid's Blog applaud Martin's appointment. The FCC needs a strong leader in a time when our youngsters are being exposed to errant breasts, curse words and obese women in tight jeans. Martin is renowned for his stern "anti-indecency stance" (take out the double negative and you've got pro-decency) and is considered far more aggressive in stomping out profanity than was his predecessor, Michael K. Powell. So here's to hoping that Martin can return the programming we see in our four hours of nightly TV viewing to the glee club era of "Leave it to Beaver" wholesomeness. But, just for the record, that little pencil-neck can't touch our stash of cyber-porn, can he?
We here at TKid's Blog applaud Martin's appointment. The FCC needs a strong leader in a time when our youngsters are being exposed to errant breasts, curse words and obese women in tight jeans. Martin is renowned for his stern "anti-indecency stance" (take out the double negative and you've got pro-decency) and is considered far more aggressive in stomping out profanity than was his predecessor, Michael K. Powell. So here's to hoping that Martin can return the programming we see in our four hours of nightly TV viewing to the glee club era of "Leave it to Beaver" wholesomeness. But, just for the record, that little pencil-neck can't touch our stash of cyber-porn, can he?
Palm Sunday
I don't know if anyone caught the CNN headlines this past
Sunday - Palm Sunday that is - but I thought they were
worth noting. I couldn't help but think that we might be
just a little closer to that rapture all the crazies talk
about.
-One dead, hundreds injured in Japan quake
-At least 40 dead in Pakistan blast
-Suspect in Florida child killing appears in court
-House to hold special session on Schiavo
-Iraq suicide bomber kills 3 in Mosul
-Shark attack tears man in half
-Mine accident kills 17 in China
-Floods in Afghanistan kill 200
-Child prodigy commits suicide
-Rice presses China on North Korea
Sunday - Palm Sunday that is - but I thought they were
worth noting. I couldn't help but think that we might be
just a little closer to that rapture all the crazies talk
about.
-One dead, hundreds injured in Japan quake
-At least 40 dead in Pakistan blast
-Suspect in Florida child killing appears in court
-House to hold special session on Schiavo
-Iraq suicide bomber kills 3 in Mosul
-Shark attack tears man in half
-Mine accident kills 17 in China
-Floods in Afghanistan kill 200
-Child prodigy commits suicide
-Rice presses China on North Korea
Mar 21, 2005
DeLaying Death
Wow. I couldn’t agree more with my fellow kids, whom I must thank, by the way, for their gracious permission allowing me to contribute to this forum. Just when you think Republican lunacy and hypocrisy have peaked out, we get something like this.
So, we are currently “at war” with over 1,500 dead and 9,000 wounded (60% of whom with traumatic brain injuries), the deficit is exploding, social security and Medicare are “in crisis”, oil prices are a record high and we are holding hearings on baseball and bi-cameral emergency sessions for Terri Schiavo. Republicans are now well beyond going off the deep-end, they’re in Mariana Trench territory.
Can you imagine former exterminator Tom DeLay, “the Hammer”, sitting by your loved one’s bedside in the most intimate and delicate of family moments – his unwavering hand grabbing at the tube you’ve just painfully discharged and reinserting it for you? We may have just witnessed that. "Mrs. Schiavo's life is not slipping away - it is being violently wrenched from her body in an act of medical terrorism," DeLay said. "To friends, family, and millions of people praying around the world this Palm Sunday weekend: do not be afraid. Terri Schiavo will not be forsaken."
The ironies, hypocrisies and constitutional breaches associated with this are too many to list let alone discuss. Aside from the trampling of state’s rights, separation of powers, checks and balances, right to privacy and a slew of other now-meaningless democratic traditions, there are a few items worth pointing out.
The Republican-controlled House this week, literally at the same time it was drafting a subpoena for brain-damaged Terri Schiavo to appear before Congress, voted to cut Medicaid by more than $20 billion. Medicaid, as it turns out, is responsible for paying for Schiavo’s medication and, along with Medicare, is the principle funding source for hospices and care for the terminally ill in the United States. Schiavo’s annual hospice care runs around $80,000. House Republicans essentially voted to remove Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube before they voted to re-insert it. John Kerry was rolling in his political grave with that one.
Looking at this more broadly, in the face of sky-rocketing medical costs, record un-insured, the elimination of employee health programs and collapsing health entitlement programs, Bush and Republicans are actively encouraging, indeed forcing, end-of-life augmentation. Last-year-of-life expenses consumed 22 percent of all medical costs, 26 percent of Medicare expenses, 25 percent of Medicaid and 18 percent of all non-Medicare health-care costs.
It’s not all about the eeevil trial lawyers driving up malpractice premiums I guess. Encouraging all-out death-delaying procedures and re-animation of the brain dead kind of runs counter to the idea that Americans should be more practical in their use of health care doesn’t it?
How about this one? Congress is currently working on legislation that would create a new constitutional amendment prohibiting same-sex marriage, right? So while conservatives decry activist judges determined to redefine marriage, Republican lawmakers, in the case of Terri Schiavo, are doing exactly that. In attempting to supercede the judicial adjudication of more than a dozen courts from the state district level all the way to the Supreme Universal Hall of Justice in Nuremburg, all of which have sided with Michael Schiavo, Congress effectively wants to challenge spousal rights and thereby re-define marriage itself.
The definition of marriage at least as I understand it legally, holds that a spouse has the right to act as next-of-kin and sole guardian. The logic there being that one chooses the person who will care for them as opposed to family which is not chosen. So the moral is, a recently-censured congressman from say Texas elected by .002 of the population really has more of a right to fulfill your wedding vows than you do.
So, we are currently “at war” with over 1,500 dead and 9,000 wounded (60% of whom with traumatic brain injuries), the deficit is exploding, social security and Medicare are “in crisis”, oil prices are a record high and we are holding hearings on baseball and bi-cameral emergency sessions for Terri Schiavo. Republicans are now well beyond going off the deep-end, they’re in Mariana Trench territory.
Can you imagine former exterminator Tom DeLay, “the Hammer”, sitting by your loved one’s bedside in the most intimate and delicate of family moments – his unwavering hand grabbing at the tube you’ve just painfully discharged and reinserting it for you? We may have just witnessed that. "Mrs. Schiavo's life is not slipping away - it is being violently wrenched from her body in an act of medical terrorism," DeLay said. "To friends, family, and millions of people praying around the world this Palm Sunday weekend: do not be afraid. Terri Schiavo will not be forsaken."
The ironies, hypocrisies and constitutional breaches associated with this are too many to list let alone discuss. Aside from the trampling of state’s rights, separation of powers, checks and balances, right to privacy and a slew of other now-meaningless democratic traditions, there are a few items worth pointing out.
The Republican-controlled House this week, literally at the same time it was drafting a subpoena for brain-damaged Terri Schiavo to appear before Congress, voted to cut Medicaid by more than $20 billion. Medicaid, as it turns out, is responsible for paying for Schiavo’s medication and, along with Medicare, is the principle funding source for hospices and care for the terminally ill in the United States. Schiavo’s annual hospice care runs around $80,000. House Republicans essentially voted to remove Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube before they voted to re-insert it. John Kerry was rolling in his political grave with that one.
Looking at this more broadly, in the face of sky-rocketing medical costs, record un-insured, the elimination of employee health programs and collapsing health entitlement programs, Bush and Republicans are actively encouraging, indeed forcing, end-of-life augmentation. Last-year-of-life expenses consumed 22 percent of all medical costs, 26 percent of Medicare expenses, 25 percent of Medicaid and 18 percent of all non-Medicare health-care costs.
It’s not all about the eeevil trial lawyers driving up malpractice premiums I guess. Encouraging all-out death-delaying procedures and re-animation of the brain dead kind of runs counter to the idea that Americans should be more practical in their use of health care doesn’t it?
How about this one? Congress is currently working on legislation that would create a new constitutional amendment prohibiting same-sex marriage, right? So while conservatives decry activist judges determined to redefine marriage, Republican lawmakers, in the case of Terri Schiavo, are doing exactly that. In attempting to supercede the judicial adjudication of more than a dozen courts from the state district level all the way to the Supreme Universal Hall of Justice in Nuremburg, all of which have sided with Michael Schiavo, Congress effectively wants to challenge spousal rights and thereby re-define marriage itself.
The definition of marriage at least as I understand it legally, holds that a spouse has the right to act as next-of-kin and sole guardian. The logic there being that one chooses the person who will care for them as opposed to family which is not chosen. So the moral is, a recently-censured congressman from say Texas elected by .002 of the population really has more of a right to fulfill your wedding vows than you do.
Ovarys Thrice
TKID4 revealing existence's little secrets, word by word, in anagram form. For those of you who enjoyed the "TSUNAMI" anagrams, thank you. For your further enjoyment and enlightenment, here is a selection the somewhat disturbing anagrams of everybody's sweetheart, Terry Schiavo, and the predictions they fortell.
NOTE: TKID's personal favorites are "charitys over" "richest ovary" and the omnipresent "satyric hover." And who could forget the press, AKA "veracity hors."
ARCHIVERS TOY
ARCHIVER TOYS
ARCHIVER YOST
TSAREVICH ROY
ARCHIVES TROY
ARCHIVES TYRO
ARCHIVES TORY
ARCHIVE TYROS
ARCHIVE STORY
ORCHESTRA IVY
ARCHERY VITOS
CHASTER IVORY
THRACES IVORY
CORRASIVE THY
VERACITY HORS
RECATORY SHIV
CRAVE HISTORY
CARVE HISTORY
CAVER HISTORY
CHARIOTS VERY
ACTORISH VERY
TOVARICH RYES
CHARITYS OVER
CHARITYS ROVE
CHARITY VERSO
CHARITY ROVES
CHARITY OVERS
CHARITY SERVO
SCYTHIA ROVER
STARCHY VIREO
CHAT REVISORY
TACH REVISORY
YACHT REVISOR
CATHY REVISOR
ACHY SERVITOR
VORACITY HERS
VORACITY SHER
SATYRIC HOVER
VICAR THEORYS
CARROTY HIVES
ACTOR SHIVERY
COVARY THEIRS
HARE VICTORYS
HEAR VICTORYS
HERA VICTORYS
RHEA VICTORYS
SHARE VICTORY
ASHER VICTORY
HARES VICTORY
SHEAR VICTORY
HEARS VICTORY
HAYER VICTORS
VESTIARY ORCH
VARIETYS ORCH
ROASTER CHIVY
ROASTER VICHY
SAVORER ITCHY
OVERSTAY RICH
AVERYS THORIC
AVERY OSTRICH
HAIRY VECTORS
SHIVA RECTORY
HORARY EVICTS
HARRY COSTIVE
TRASH VICEROY
TRASHY VOICER
VARSITY CHORE
VARSITY OCHER
VARSITY OCHRE
ROTARY CHIVES
OVARYS THRICE
SAVORY THRICE
VOTARY RICHES
RICHEST OVARY
SAVOY RICHERT
SAVOY RICHTER
NOTE: TKID's personal favorites are "charitys over" "richest ovary" and the omnipresent "satyric hover." And who could forget the press, AKA "veracity hors."
ARCHIVERS TOY
ARCHIVER TOYS
ARCHIVER YOST
TSAREVICH ROY
ARCHIVES TROY
ARCHIVES TYRO
ARCHIVES TORY
ARCHIVE TYROS
ARCHIVE STORY
ORCHESTRA IVY
ARCHERY VITOS
CHASTER IVORY
THRACES IVORY
CORRASIVE THY
VERACITY HORS
RECATORY SHIV
CRAVE HISTORY
CARVE HISTORY
CAVER HISTORY
CHARIOTS VERY
ACTORISH VERY
TOVARICH RYES
CHARITYS OVER
CHARITYS ROVE
CHARITY VERSO
CHARITY ROVES
CHARITY OVERS
CHARITY SERVO
SCYTHIA ROVER
STARCHY VIREO
CHAT REVISORY
TACH REVISORY
YACHT REVISOR
CATHY REVISOR
ACHY SERVITOR
VORACITY HERS
VORACITY SHER
SATYRIC HOVER
VICAR THEORYS
CARROTY HIVES
ACTOR SHIVERY
COVARY THEIRS
HARE VICTORYS
HEAR VICTORYS
HERA VICTORYS
RHEA VICTORYS
SHARE VICTORY
ASHER VICTORY
HARES VICTORY
SHEAR VICTORY
HEARS VICTORY
HAYER VICTORS
VESTIARY ORCH
VARIETYS ORCH
ROASTER CHIVY
ROASTER VICHY
SAVORER ITCHY
OVERSTAY RICH
AVERYS THORIC
AVERY OSTRICH
HAIRY VECTORS
SHIVA RECTORY
HORARY EVICTS
HARRY COSTIVE
TRASH VICEROY
TRASHY VOICER
VARSITY CHORE
VARSITY OCHER
VARSITY OCHRE
ROTARY CHIVES
OVARYS THRICE
SAVORY THRICE
VOTARY RICHES
RICHEST OVARY
SAVOY RICHERT
SAVOY RICHTER
yank tom delay's feeding tube
We must tread carefully when steamrolling over states' rights and the primacy of the individual. But in the case of the ethically-challenged House Majority Leader Tom Delay, no one can contest the fact that the man is indeed brain-dead. Therefore, the only humane action is to remove Delay's feeding tube. This tragic, but necessary, action must be taken sooner than later to prevent the vegetable congressman from bringing further harm onto himself, and on this fine nation.
Mar 17, 2005
end-times meter
It can be frustrating for TKIDs and other Rapture fans to not know when, exactly, some of us are going to be beamed-up to heaven during the Second Coming. (For the uninitiated, a growing movement of millions of Americans holds that end of the world is fast approaching, and that they will soon be instantly teleported up to heaven, leaving the nonbelievers to be ravaged by plagues of locusts, frogs and rapacious gnomes.) To that end, I did a little digging and found a handy Rapture Index, which tracks "prophetic activity" to predict just how close we're getting to the end of the party. The index, which is based on 45 bible-approved categories, currently sits at 151. According to the website, if prophetic activity pushes the index anywhere over 145, it's time to "fasten your seatbelts." That's right, the end is almost here.
The high number on the index is due to several categories that are currently in play, such as the "Beast Government" category, which has been bumped-up due to the EU's recent moves toward legitimacy. Apparently the Euros get the Beast tag for, if nothing else, being Euros. However, other categories are cooling off of late, such as the "Liberalism" meter. With a spanking in the recent elections, liberals are on the wane. In describing why liberals' lame belief system is part of the Rapture watch, the site says: "It's not just a part of the democratic party. Liberalism is what I would call the 'true conspiracy.' The liberal media is 100 percent control [sic] by the forces that bow to this humanistic ideology."
Right on, this kid says.
On a related note, liberal journalist Bill Moyers recently wrote on how the rapture crowd is getting involved in environmental politics. Apparently rapturites believe that environmentalists are in the employ of the Beast, the thinking being that the Big Guy ordained that the Earth is ours to trash as we please, and the sooner we funk it up, the sooner we get zapped to heaven.
This idea is comforting to TKID4, who loves to throw his empty High Life bottles on the ground whenever he traipses around our national parks. How can one enjoy nature, I wonder, without exercising his right to litter? By the way, my tax dollars built those mountains and other assorted natural treasures.
The high number on the index is due to several categories that are currently in play, such as the "Beast Government" category, which has been bumped-up due to the EU's recent moves toward legitimacy. Apparently the Euros get the Beast tag for, if nothing else, being Euros. However, other categories are cooling off of late, such as the "Liberalism" meter. With a spanking in the recent elections, liberals are on the wane. In describing why liberals' lame belief system is part of the Rapture watch, the site says: "It's not just a part of the democratic party. Liberalism is what I would call the 'true conspiracy.' The liberal media is 100 percent control [sic] by the forces that bow to this humanistic ideology."
Right on, this kid says.
On a related note, liberal journalist Bill Moyers recently wrote on how the rapture crowd is getting involved in environmental politics. Apparently rapturites believe that environmentalists are in the employ of the Beast, the thinking being that the Big Guy ordained that the Earth is ours to trash as we please, and the sooner we funk it up, the sooner we get zapped to heaven.
This idea is comforting to TKID4, who loves to throw his empty High Life bottles on the ground whenever he traipses around our national parks. How can one enjoy nature, I wonder, without exercising his right to litter? By the way, my tax dollars built those mountains and other assorted natural treasures.
rumblings from the pacific
Rumor has it that the original kid - that's The KID - may drop by this humble blog for a visit. Our two readers, including our two contributors, are waiting with bated breath.
abu compton
The liberal media is agog with reports that prisoners are dying whilst being detained by the U.S. military. The AP story, citing government data, claims that 108 prisoners died while in U.S. custody. In the NYTimes, military officials admit that 26 prisoner deaths are being investigated as homicides. Surprisingly, only one of these possible murders went down at Abu Ghraib.
Though a Pentagon spokesman told the NYT that one homicide is one too many, he did "note" that the U.S. has held 50,000 prisoners during the course of its two current wars. Given that volume, the 26 figure doesn't seem so bad.
Here's how U.S. military detainment stacks up to Los Angeles:
In 2003, L.A. recorded 500 homicides, meaning that one of every 7,400 citizens was murdered.
In U.S. military custody, one of every 2,000 prisoners may have been murdered.
That means getting nabbed by the military is about four times as dangerous as living in L.A. So what's the big deal?
Though a Pentagon spokesman told the NYT that one homicide is one too many, he did "note" that the U.S. has held 50,000 prisoners during the course of its two current wars. Given that volume, the 26 figure doesn't seem so bad.
Here's how U.S. military detainment stacks up to Los Angeles:
In 2003, L.A. recorded 500 homicides, meaning that one of every 7,400 citizens was murdered.
In U.S. military custody, one of every 2,000 prisoners may have been murdered.
That means getting nabbed by the military is about four times as dangerous as living in L.A. So what's the big deal?
Mar 15, 2005
lawyers v. insurers
The Bush administration and assorted conservatives have been hammering on the nefarious role of trial lawyers in causing the crisis of spiraling health care costs. Here's how Bush sees it: "What's happening all across this country is that lawyers are filing baseless suits against hospitals and doctors ... So doctors end up paying tens of thousands, or even hundreds of thousands, of dollars to settle claims, out of court, even when they know they have done nothing wrong." (Quote from The Washington Post.)
Hey, who am I to question Dubya on this one? Doctors good; lawyers bad. Sounds right on to me. Forget the myths about patients who have a scalpel left in their chest cavity after an operation, or who never wake up after an anesthesiologist's funk-up. The real problem is overpaid lawyers who, acting apparently without the consent or involvement of patients, sue doctors for an alleged mistake in treating a hangnail to the tune of $9 million. As a result, health care costs for you and me have skyrocketed in recent years.
To look into the numbers behind this problem, a team of legal scholars studied malpractice claims filed over the last 15 years in Texas, one of the chief "crisis" states labeled by conservatives. Unfortunately, the peer-reviewed study found no change in the number of claims filed or the amount paid in damages during the 15-year period, despite dramatic increases in insurance premiums. Between 1999 and 2002, malpractice insurance premiums in Texas jumped by an average of 135 percent. This doesn't seem to gel with the fact that between 1995 and 2002, the number of claims per physician actually fell, with 80 percent of claims being resolved without any cash coming from doctors or hospitals. One researcher called the malpractice trend in Texas a "sea of calm."
"It's very hard to take the position malpractice is a major factor in the increases in the cost of health care," one of the study's authors told The Washington Post. "The actual cost of malpractice payouts is really quite modest."
Huh? So am I supposed to hate lawyers or insurance companies? Who's the evildoer here?
Hey, who am I to question Dubya on this one? Doctors good; lawyers bad. Sounds right on to me. Forget the myths about patients who have a scalpel left in their chest cavity after an operation, or who never wake up after an anesthesiologist's funk-up. The real problem is overpaid lawyers who, acting apparently without the consent or involvement of patients, sue doctors for an alleged mistake in treating a hangnail to the tune of $9 million. As a result, health care costs for you and me have skyrocketed in recent years.
To look into the numbers behind this problem, a team of legal scholars studied malpractice claims filed over the last 15 years in Texas, one of the chief "crisis" states labeled by conservatives. Unfortunately, the peer-reviewed study found no change in the number of claims filed or the amount paid in damages during the 15-year period, despite dramatic increases in insurance premiums. Between 1999 and 2002, malpractice insurance premiums in Texas jumped by an average of 135 percent. This doesn't seem to gel with the fact that between 1995 and 2002, the number of claims per physician actually fell, with 80 percent of claims being resolved without any cash coming from doctors or hospitals. One researcher called the malpractice trend in Texas a "sea of calm."
"It's very hard to take the position malpractice is a major factor in the increases in the cost of health care," one of the study's authors told The Washington Post. "The actual cost of malpractice payouts is really quite modest."
Huh? So am I supposed to hate lawyers or insurance companies? Who's the evildoer here?
Mar 14, 2005
monkey business
Approximately 80 years after the Scopes monkey trial, the battle over evolution seems to be reaching a new climax. The Washington Post reports that 19 states are considering laws to question the science behind evolution; and that's probably just the beginning of a bigger tussle.
According to some of evolution's savvier critics, the goal isn't to push alternate theories that the world was created in six days; or that Zul, the High Priest of Gozer, birthed the Earth in a sultry union with the Minotaur of Xenon; or the murky idea of "intelligent design." Rather, the current plan is to cast doubt on evolution itself, proclaiming that "evolution is a theory, not a fact." This school of thought holds that there are "gaps" and flaws in evolution, and that the entire theory is nothing more than a conjecture - like the hypothesis that select people will soon be teleported up to heaven for the rapture.
These arguments make TKID5 feel a whole hell of a lot better about that D+ he landed in high school biology. I thought all that junk about strands of DNA, natural selection and recessive genes sounded suspicious. Seriously, I thought, how could anyone compare me and my posse to a group of chimps? There's just no comparison, although that recent study about chimps foregoing food to look at pictures of female chimps' asses was a tad disturbing. If only TKID5 could've leaned on the Word of The Creator instead of memorizing all that shiite about genes, he might have been able to follow his dream of being a mad scientist.
Bygones. The Post's article tried to track down the motives of the intelligent design crew's biggest funders and political supporters. These quotes warmed TKID5's heart:
The battle of evolution is part of the quest of "the total integration of biblical law into our lives." - Howard Ahmanson Jr., a major funder of the Discovery Institute, an intelligent design front.
"The strategy this time is not to go for the whole enchilada. We're trying to be a little more subtle ... If you believe God created that baby, it makes it a whole lot harder to get rid of that baby. If you can cause enough doubt on evolution, liberalism will die." - Terry Fox, prominent evolution critic and pastor of the largest Southern Baptist Church in the Midwest.
Now we're talking! I wonder, do they teach evolution in Iran, Saudi Arabia or in those Pakistani religious schools? I bet budding scientists get a great education in those places.
According to some of evolution's savvier critics, the goal isn't to push alternate theories that the world was created in six days; or that Zul, the High Priest of Gozer, birthed the Earth in a sultry union with the Minotaur of Xenon; or the murky idea of "intelligent design." Rather, the current plan is to cast doubt on evolution itself, proclaiming that "evolution is a theory, not a fact." This school of thought holds that there are "gaps" and flaws in evolution, and that the entire theory is nothing more than a conjecture - like the hypothesis that select people will soon be teleported up to heaven for the rapture.
These arguments make TKID5 feel a whole hell of a lot better about that D+ he landed in high school biology. I thought all that junk about strands of DNA, natural selection and recessive genes sounded suspicious. Seriously, I thought, how could anyone compare me and my posse to a group of chimps? There's just no comparison, although that recent study about chimps foregoing food to look at pictures of female chimps' asses was a tad disturbing. If only TKID5 could've leaned on the Word of The Creator instead of memorizing all that shiite about genes, he might have been able to follow his dream of being a mad scientist.
Bygones. The Post's article tried to track down the motives of the intelligent design crew's biggest funders and political supporters. These quotes warmed TKID5's heart:
The battle of evolution is part of the quest of "the total integration of biblical law into our lives." - Howard Ahmanson Jr., a major funder of the Discovery Institute, an intelligent design front.
"The strategy this time is not to go for the whole enchilada. We're trying to be a little more subtle ... If you believe God created that baby, it makes it a whole lot harder to get rid of that baby. If you can cause enough doubt on evolution, liberalism will die." - Terry Fox, prominent evolution critic and pastor of the largest Southern Baptist Church in the Midwest.
Now we're talking! I wonder, do they teach evolution in Iran, Saudi Arabia or in those Pakistani religious schools? I bet budding scientists get a great education in those places.
Mar 10, 2005
calling mr. joshua
With news of a hacker attack on dossier-compiler ChoicePoint continuing to break, list-keeping giant Lexis Nexis had the identities of 32,000 people on whom it was keeping tabs lifted by cyber thieves. Both companies ostensibly collect data for the war on terror - even selling their little black books on Joe Blow to Uncle Sam. But ironically, now investigators say the bad guys, maybe even terrorists, have been stealing the specs from these companies.
It's official, my colleague TKID2 is right: we need to fire-up a campaign of disinformation. I've already registered Tim Peepers, a 72-year-old syphilitic who breathes with the aid of an iron lung, with several online info collectors. To get on the lists, try subscribing to newspapers or taking web surveys. Peepers, a Fresno resident, has a penchant for hardcore smut and infomercials. Also, Mr. Joshua - no first name! - is creating quite the stir in Internet databases. The shadowy special forces vet loves his gardening, and is an avid philanthropist.
Get on it people, there's a war to be won.
It's official, my colleague TKID2 is right: we need to fire-up a campaign of disinformation. I've already registered Tim Peepers, a 72-year-old syphilitic who breathes with the aid of an iron lung, with several online info collectors. To get on the lists, try subscribing to newspapers or taking web surveys. Peepers, a Fresno resident, has a penchant for hardcore smut and infomercials. Also, Mr. Joshua - no first name! - is creating quite the stir in Internet databases. The shadowy special forces vet loves his gardening, and is an avid philanthropist.
Get on it people, there's a war to be won.
Mar 9, 2005
damn life lovers
A group of conservatives is reportedly drafting a "bioethics agenda" for the White House. Led by bio-guru Leon R. Kass, the group is trying to steer the Bush posse toward banning stem cell research and the like. In a document, which was obtained by The Washington Post, the group writes: "We have today an administration and a Congress as friendly to human life and human dignity as we are likely to have for many years to come."
That explains a lot. For years now, I've wondered what it is about Dubya that bugs me. I'm all for his wars and such, but he just gets on my nerves. For a while I thought it was his smug giggle, or that world-class silver spoon, but now I know the truth: it's because he's "friendly to human life." I can't stand human life. Whenever I see a toddler picking flowers or smiling I want to hurl. Humans drive me nuts. As a human myself, this is a difficult phobia. I've had to sequester myself in a hut where I'm unlikely to run into any humans (except for runs to the country store for toilet paper).
Come to think of it, all life pisses me off. I wish we could just pave over every bit of green in this stupid world. And don't get me started on "dignity." Who needs dignity? Watch me guzzle a beer with my hand down my pants and just tell me I need dignity; I dare you.
From now on, I'm going to suck up my loathing of humans to begin an anti-life coalition. We've got to get started now, before those conservative life-lovers take over. Oh wait, they already have.
That explains a lot. For years now, I've wondered what it is about Dubya that bugs me. I'm all for his wars and such, but he just gets on my nerves. For a while I thought it was his smug giggle, or that world-class silver spoon, but now I know the truth: it's because he's "friendly to human life." I can't stand human life. Whenever I see a toddler picking flowers or smiling I want to hurl. Humans drive me nuts. As a human myself, this is a difficult phobia. I've had to sequester myself in a hut where I'm unlikely to run into any humans (except for runs to the country store for toilet paper).
Come to think of it, all life pisses me off. I wish we could just pave over every bit of green in this stupid world. And don't get me started on "dignity." Who needs dignity? Watch me guzzle a beer with my hand down my pants and just tell me I need dignity; I dare you.
From now on, I'm going to suck up my loathing of humans to begin an anti-life coalition. We've got to get started now, before those conservative life-lovers take over. Oh wait, they already have.
Mar 8, 2005
Truth in Advertising
Poor embattled Choicepoint. The Atlanta-based company that profits from invading the privacy of the average joe, accumulating databases full of personal information, and selling those secrets to anyone with cash and a pulse is coming under fire for its dodgy business practices. Practices such as failing to screen customers who utilize information to commit identity theft. Not to mention much of the data is incorrect. A gentleman who purchased his 20 page lifetime file discovered that, according to Choicepoint, he had died in 1978.
A visit to Choicepoint's website reveals nothing about the Big-Brother data collecting vacuum. Rather, visitors are bombarded with one of the following full screen photos:
- a puppy snuggles with a small smiling child on a sun-lit field
- multi-racial children frolic in a field
- an African-American grandmother pushes her grand-daughter on a bicycle
- multi-racial children join hands in a circle
- two Asian children enjoy a swingset
Strangely, while the photos appear to pop up randomly upon refreshing the browser, the one with the Asians on the swings rarely appears.
Law enforcement officials love Choicepoint because it offers them information on suspects which they themselves would find difficult to obtain or utilize in a criminal prosecution due to 4th Amendment constraints. Criminals love it because it gives them a dossier on over 100 million "marks" including former addresses, friends, employers, business assets, and criminal histories.
What makes Choicepoint downright scary is the bulk of information compiled by the company on every citizen in the United States. Hypothetically, an i.d. thief could hack the bank account password of a person by reporting a lost or stolen ID/Password combination and providing an answer to that person's "special question" such as your mother's maiden name or the name of the first street you lived on. TKID4 always uses as his special question, the first time you had intercourse. The answer of course is "Miller Time."
Consumers are faced with one of two options. One is to diligently review all credit card and bank statements to detect any possible ID theft. The other is to provide as much mis-information to companies, municipalities, friends and family as possible so that Choicepoint's coffers will overflow with bunk. Then when an ID thief purchases your record to discover that you are married to a man called "Colonel Rhombus" who is CEO of Anacott Steel, no harm will come to you. TKID4 has been practicing the latter for years for fun. Now, its business.
A visit to Choicepoint's website reveals nothing about the Big-Brother data collecting vacuum. Rather, visitors are bombarded with one of the following full screen photos:
- a puppy snuggles with a small smiling child on a sun-lit field
- multi-racial children frolic in a field
- an African-American grandmother pushes her grand-daughter on a bicycle
- multi-racial children join hands in a circle
- two Asian children enjoy a swingset
Strangely, while the photos appear to pop up randomly upon refreshing the browser, the one with the Asians on the swings rarely appears.
Law enforcement officials love Choicepoint because it offers them information on suspects which they themselves would find difficult to obtain or utilize in a criminal prosecution due to 4th Amendment constraints. Criminals love it because it gives them a dossier on over 100 million "marks" including former addresses, friends, employers, business assets, and criminal histories.
What makes Choicepoint downright scary is the bulk of information compiled by the company on every citizen in the United States. Hypothetically, an i.d. thief could hack the bank account password of a person by reporting a lost or stolen ID/Password combination and providing an answer to that person's "special question" such as your mother's maiden name or the name of the first street you lived on. TKID4 always uses as his special question, the first time you had intercourse. The answer of course is "Miller Time."
Consumers are faced with one of two options. One is to diligently review all credit card and bank statements to detect any possible ID theft. The other is to provide as much mis-information to companies, municipalities, friends and family as possible so that Choicepoint's coffers will overflow with bunk. Then when an ID thief purchases your record to discover that you are married to a man called "Colonel Rhombus" who is CEO of Anacott Steel, no harm will come to you. TKID4 has been practicing the latter for years for fun. Now, its business.
Mar 3, 2005
bring in the censors
Movies have left me unfulfilled of late. I don't what it is, perhaps the "sexual situations," explosions and other grim, non-Christian morals on parade in today's films. That's why I was so glad when I stumbled on this service: www.cleanfilms.com. Just as their helpful little halo implies, Clean Films provides movies which have been helpfully sanitized by Christian censors - all for your viewing pleasure. This service could've prevented situations like the one I recently experienced on a plane, where the airline had chosen to screen "Silence of the Lambs." A wee lass happened to be working her way down the aisle when that great scene, the one where Buffalo Bill is twirling around sans Johnson, popped-up on the big aisle screen. When the kid looked at the screen, she shrieked in shear horror. If Clean Films had provided that tape, no sick wannabe transvestite dancing scenes for "Silence of the Lambs." Nothing much else, really. In fact, the service promises "no unpleasant surprises" as well. Does this mean that films will not only be snipped of their heathen pleasures, but also their twists and turns?
TKID3 is now a subscriber to Clean Films, and is eagerly awaiting arrival of his Christianized version of "The Passion." He will be sorely vexed if those gross scenes of Hey-Zeus being flayed haven't been removed.
TKID3 is now a subscriber to Clean Films, and is eagerly awaiting arrival of his Christianized version of "The Passion." He will be sorely vexed if those gross scenes of Hey-Zeus being flayed haven't been removed.
Osama Bin Mama
President Bush today stated that he believed blocking any attempt by Osama bin Laden to attack America again was “the greatest challenge of our day.” The statement came on the heels of intelligence reports linking together Bin Laden and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the top al-Qaida figure in Iraq, apparently planning new attacks inside the United States.
TKID4's memory sucks, but he does remember a few years back GWB commenting to the press that he wasn't really concerned with Bin Laden. A search for those quotes revealed these two gems from the Dubya.
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- G.W. Bush, 3/13/02
"I am truly not that concerned about him."
- G.W. Bush, repsonding to a question about bin Laden's whereabouts,
3/13/02 (The New American, 4/8/02)
Confusion reigns. To go from a non-priority to the greatest challenge America faces is a hell of a leap for a guy hiding in a cave with a motorola v-60 and a pocket Quran.
Perhaps this next google gem will assist us all. TKID4 found this interesting post about Bush and Bin Laden:
Posted by: Kidfinger
On: Sat September, 4 2004 @ 01:46 GMT
IF osama bin butt licker is captured, that will be the best News I've heard in a while, however, IM STILL NOT VOTING FOR BUSH!!!! I dont care if they bring the al pukas to thier knees, Im not going to vote for that SCHMUCK!:lol:
Truly inspiring words from the electorate.
Post script: "Kidfinger" has no connection to tkidsblog, as far as TKID4 knows.
TKID4's memory sucks, but he does remember a few years back GWB commenting to the press that he wasn't really concerned with Bin Laden. A search for those quotes revealed these two gems from the Dubya.
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
- G.W. Bush, 3/13/02
"I am truly not that concerned about him."
- G.W. Bush, repsonding to a question about bin Laden's whereabouts,
3/13/02 (The New American, 4/8/02)
Confusion reigns. To go from a non-priority to the greatest challenge America faces is a hell of a leap for a guy hiding in a cave with a motorola v-60 and a pocket Quran.
Perhaps this next google gem will assist us all. TKID4 found this interesting post about Bush and Bin Laden:
Posted by: Kidfinger
On: Sat September, 4 2004 @ 01:46 GMT
IF osama bin butt licker is captured, that will be the best News I've heard in a while, however, IM STILL NOT VOTING FOR BUSH!!!! I dont care if they bring the al pukas to thier knees, Im not going to vote for that SCHMUCK!:lol:
Truly inspiring words from the electorate.
Post script: "Kidfinger" has no connection to tkidsblog, as far as TKID4 knows.
Mar 2, 2005
my manservant
The Supreme Court is currently wrestling over whether to allow the Ten Commandments to be posted in government buildings. Word is it's touch and go, with Sandra Day and the gang struggling mightily about stone tablet wisdom. An AP story reports that bible fans have been chanting and otherwise carrying on outside of Supreme Court HQ. One young protester, Christan Stapleton, 13, of Newland, N.C., who was carrying a homemade, hand-stapled, cardboard Ten Commandments tablet, told the AP: "We do need them in our school, to help us know what to do, what God wants us to do as we go through our day."
TKID3 agrees with this sentiment, and has just placed a printout of the Big Guy's rules in his cubicle, right next to the autographed picture of GWB. Though I'm subsequently feeling close to godly - looking good on the murder, theft and coveting of donkey tip - there are a few commandments that unfortunately seem to be a problem for this kid.
Specifically, the fourth commandment is particularly troubling. It follows:
4) Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
As the Dude might say, TKID4 cannot abide by this one. Saturday is a big day for this kid. I like to kick back, watch sports and down swill. To do that properly, my manservant, Giles, must keep extremely busy. I can't be expected to run to the fridge everytime I need another High Life. Also, watching college football is a draining experience, and requires sustenance. Therefore, Giles must keep a plate of hot wings at the ready at all times. There's no way my manservant is taking Saturday off, so this "commandment" does not apply, I'm afraid. As for my alien, he does get the day off.
Also, the whole "no gods before me" thing is a bust. Tkidblog founder and company mystic David LoPan is always calling the shots in my book. That's not negotiable.
TKID3 agrees with this sentiment, and has just placed a printout of the Big Guy's rules in his cubicle, right next to the autographed picture of GWB. Though I'm subsequently feeling close to godly - looking good on the murder, theft and coveting of donkey tip - there are a few commandments that unfortunately seem to be a problem for this kid.
Specifically, the fourth commandment is particularly troubling. It follows:
4) Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
As the Dude might say, TKID4 cannot abide by this one. Saturday is a big day for this kid. I like to kick back, watch sports and down swill. To do that properly, my manservant, Giles, must keep extremely busy. I can't be expected to run to the fridge everytime I need another High Life. Also, watching college football is a draining experience, and requires sustenance. Therefore, Giles must keep a plate of hot wings at the ready at all times. There's no way my manservant is taking Saturday off, so this "commandment" does not apply, I'm afraid. As for my alien, he does get the day off.
Also, the whole "no gods before me" thing is a bust. Tkidblog founder and company mystic David LoPan is always calling the shots in my book. That's not negotiable.
Prophecy Club Members Only
The Left Behind series has spawned an interesting Neo-Con fascist sub group called the "Prophecy Club." Membership in the Prophecy Club costs only a few bucks and an implied pledge to sacrifice any and all civil liberties for the betterment of the Republic and book sales. Left Behind founder Tim LaHaye and contributing editor Mark Hitchcock offer club members (aka "Prophies") insights into the prophecies as revealed by themselves and lesser known Biblical scholars such as Paul and Timothy.
In this week's installment, Tim and Mark lead a traditional Amero-centrist discussion for Prophies regarding why the United States is not clearly mentioned in Bible prophecy, even though it is the only remaining superpower in the world today. They offer four alternatives, none of which suggest that Paul was tripping on ergot during his magical mystery tour around the Med 2000 years ago when he wrote his hallucinations down. That actually sounds like a blast come to think of it.
Possibility 1
America will still be a powerful nation in the last days, but the Lord simply chose not to mention her specifically.
This is possible, but it seems unlikely. In Scripture, the dominant political and military power in the end times is centered in the Mediterranean and in Europe. This scriptural silence concerning America seems to indicate that by the time the tribulation period arrives, America will no longer be a major influence in the world.
I might buy this theory if not for the fact that America has too many natural and cultural resources not to remain a "major influence" in the world. What is more likely is that it will recede to a second-tier power much like 20th century United Kingdom. Still, absent a complete unilateral nuclear disarmament, the U.S. will always be a pain the world's ass.
Possibility 2
America is not mentioned specifically in Scripture because she will be destroyed by other nations. She will suffer a fall from the outside.
Those who hold this theory are quick to point to the notion that America will be crippled by a nuclear attack. However, in recent days the terrorist attacks on our nation have led some to conclude that our own freedom and technology will be the Achilles' heel that brings us down.
Alert...Alert. Civil liberties threatened. They should call this series "Civil Rights Left Behind." I would rather be brought down by my love of freedom than live under some Bible toting tyrannt. The terrorist attacks have led many people to conclude many things. I concluded the U.S. intelligence community is a friggin joke. I also concluded the capacity for public pathos in this country is limitless. Finally, I concluded that the hi-jacking of some commuter planes was foreshadowed in Matthew, 19:22 which sayeth "For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." It couldn't be any clearer people.
Possibility 3
America is not mentioned in Bible Prophecy because she will have lost her influence as result of moral and spiritual deterioration. She will suffer a fall from the inside.
As you can imagine, this is a very popular view today in light of the moral malaise we see all around us. Proponents of this view have no trouble citing alarming statistics related to drug use, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, children born out of wedlock, divorce, pornography, abortion and on and on.
Wow, that's hot. Drugs, booze, porn....this sounds like TKID3's 8th grade graduation party. I have news for the Left Behinders, America is great because of these things. For instance, the entire nation of Germany is in love with Miami Vice. And that is because, from their dens in Dresden they can watch unshaven cops duke it out with drug dealing nymphos in thongs all while countryman Jan Hammer jams it out. What an export! Until the world ceases to be facinated with America and its vices, we will rule. Something else, the marrying age when Paul was freebasing shrooms and writing this stuff was 14. Talk about teen pregnancy. It's all relative.
Possibility 4
America is not mentioned in Bible Prophecy because she is brought to her knees by the Rapture.
If the rapture were to happen today and all the true believers in Jesus Christ were whisked away to heaven in a split second, America would be devastated. It is estimated that America will lose somewhere between 25 and 65 million citizens: Christians and their small children. Not only would the country lose a minimum of 10% of her population, but she would also lose the very best, the "salt and light" of this great land (see Matthew 5:13-14).
This is the money shot. I can't imagine what America would do if we lost Oral Roberts and John Tesh. I like the estimate of "between 25 and 65 million" people. Way to know your audience Left Behinders. Could you narrow it down by a few million? Actually, the Left Behind attorneys made them phrase it this way, for fear of post-rapture lawsuits. I can see it going down in court right now.
Plaintiff: Judge, my client was told in his Prophecy Club he would be raptured.
Judge: I want to take a five minute recess while I snort this bag of cocaine, now that I missed the last rapture boat to tuna town.
Defendant: Judge, I don't have much time. I was raptured last week and was allowed to come back to make a brief appearance on behalf of my client, Mr. Left Behind. What we said was, there was a 65 percent chance he'd be raptured. It turns out he fantasizes about riding midgets bareback. That didn't go down well with the big J.C. so he didn't make the cut.
In this week's installment, Tim and Mark lead a traditional Amero-centrist discussion for Prophies regarding why the United States is not clearly mentioned in Bible prophecy, even though it is the only remaining superpower in the world today. They offer four alternatives, none of which suggest that Paul was tripping on ergot during his magical mystery tour around the Med 2000 years ago when he wrote his hallucinations down. That actually sounds like a blast come to think of it.
Possibility 1
America will still be a powerful nation in the last days, but the Lord simply chose not to mention her specifically.
This is possible, but it seems unlikely. In Scripture, the dominant political and military power in the end times is centered in the Mediterranean and in Europe. This scriptural silence concerning America seems to indicate that by the time the tribulation period arrives, America will no longer be a major influence in the world.
I might buy this theory if not for the fact that America has too many natural and cultural resources not to remain a "major influence" in the world. What is more likely is that it will recede to a second-tier power much like 20th century United Kingdom. Still, absent a complete unilateral nuclear disarmament, the U.S. will always be a pain the world's ass.
Possibility 2
America is not mentioned specifically in Scripture because she will be destroyed by other nations. She will suffer a fall from the outside.
Those who hold this theory are quick to point to the notion that America will be crippled by a nuclear attack. However, in recent days the terrorist attacks on our nation have led some to conclude that our own freedom and technology will be the Achilles' heel that brings us down.
Alert...Alert. Civil liberties threatened. They should call this series "Civil Rights Left Behind." I would rather be brought down by my love of freedom than live under some Bible toting tyrannt. The terrorist attacks have led many people to conclude many things. I concluded the U.S. intelligence community is a friggin joke. I also concluded the capacity for public pathos in this country is limitless. Finally, I concluded that the hi-jacking of some commuter planes was foreshadowed in Matthew, 19:22 which sayeth "For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it." It couldn't be any clearer people.
Possibility 3
America is not mentioned in Bible Prophecy because she will have lost her influence as result of moral and spiritual deterioration. She will suffer a fall from the inside.
As you can imagine, this is a very popular view today in light of the moral malaise we see all around us. Proponents of this view have no trouble citing alarming statistics related to drug use, alcoholism, teen pregnancy, children born out of wedlock, divorce, pornography, abortion and on and on.
Wow, that's hot. Drugs, booze, porn....this sounds like TKID3's 8th grade graduation party. I have news for the Left Behinders, America is great because of these things. For instance, the entire nation of Germany is in love with Miami Vice. And that is because, from their dens in Dresden they can watch unshaven cops duke it out with drug dealing nymphos in thongs all while countryman Jan Hammer jams it out. What an export! Until the world ceases to be facinated with America and its vices, we will rule. Something else, the marrying age when Paul was freebasing shrooms and writing this stuff was 14. Talk about teen pregnancy. It's all relative.
Possibility 4
America is not mentioned in Bible Prophecy because she is brought to her knees by the Rapture.
If the rapture were to happen today and all the true believers in Jesus Christ were whisked away to heaven in a split second, America would be devastated. It is estimated that America will lose somewhere between 25 and 65 million citizens: Christians and their small children. Not only would the country lose a minimum of 10% of her population, but she would also lose the very best, the "salt and light" of this great land (see Matthew 5:13-14).
This is the money shot. I can't imagine what America would do if we lost Oral Roberts and John Tesh. I like the estimate of "between 25 and 65 million" people. Way to know your audience Left Behinders. Could you narrow it down by a few million? Actually, the Left Behind attorneys made them phrase it this way, for fear of post-rapture lawsuits. I can see it going down in court right now.
Plaintiff: Judge, my client was told in his Prophecy Club he would be raptured.
Judge: I want to take a five minute recess while I snort this bag of cocaine, now that I missed the last rapture boat to tuna town.
Defendant: Judge, I don't have much time. I was raptured last week and was allowed to come back to make a brief appearance on behalf of my client, Mr. Left Behind. What we said was, there was a 65 percent chance he'd be raptured. It turns out he fantasizes about riding midgets bareback. That didn't go down well with the big J.C. so he didn't make the cut.
Mar 1, 2005
no kid left behind
TKID4 picks a fine day to evangelize for the "Left Behind!" series, as today marks the 10th anniversary of the first book's publishing and the release of a new addition to the series. I too am curious about the concept of coworkers, fellow bus riders, and a minute portion of my favorite dive bar's denizens vanishing and ascending into heaven. If the 70 million "Left Behind!" readers vacated the premises, this would indeed be a better planet. But still, TKID3 wonders if getting into this heaven thing would be worth some repentance. Seriously. If the big party in the sky is going to be like one of those Promise Keeper rallies, a million mildly-obese guys crying and playing grab-ass, you can count this kid out. But, if we're talking pina coladas all day long, football on the tube and access to Euro-porn, I'd be willing to clean up my act.
With that in mind, I tracked down the "Left Behind!" website (www.leftbehind.com) to see what it takes to get beamed-up to heaven. Unfortunately, it seemed to involve chanting some sort of bible stuff, and TKID3's adult ADD procluded further reading. However, I was struck by the intriguing "military series" of "Left Behind!" books. What's up with all that? Are Navy Seal tuff guys more Godly than the rest of us? Those guys get to party in heaven because they shoot shit up in Central Asia? That hardly sounds fair. After all, if what Gen. Mattis says is true, that combat stuff is loads of fun. Just because TKID3 is too much of a sissy to get through basic training, he doesn't get to party with the virgins in heaven? Cool. I see how it is. Reminds me of high school.
With that in mind, I tracked down the "Left Behind!" website (www.leftbehind.com) to see what it takes to get beamed-up to heaven. Unfortunately, it seemed to involve chanting some sort of bible stuff, and TKID3's adult ADD procluded further reading. However, I was struck by the intriguing "military series" of "Left Behind!" books. What's up with all that? Are Navy Seal tuff guys more Godly than the rest of us? Those guys get to party in heaven because they shoot shit up in Central Asia? That hardly sounds fair. After all, if what Gen. Mattis says is true, that combat stuff is loads of fun. Just because TKID3 is too much of a sissy to get through basic training, he doesn't get to party with the virgins in heaven? Cool. I see how it is. Reminds me of high school.
Caught up in the Rapture
TKID4 was flying transatlantic the other day in a fever-induced delirium. The wonderful woman in the seat next to me got up to use the bathroom, unnoticed by me. When my lucidity briefly returned, I saw she was gone, as were several other passengers across my row. My God, I thought to myself, this is it, the rapture.
By rapture I am referring to the concept that all Christians will one day be automatically teleported Star-Trek style to Heaven, while the heathens will be left behind to fight it out with Lucifer, demons, elves and the Loch Ness monster.
This rapture theory, while only 200 years old, is the central theme in the "Left Behind" series which has sold over 70 million copies since 1995. The story begins aboard an aircraft where half the passengers vaporize in a hackish way plagiaristically similar to Stephen King's "Langoliers." Then the plane lands and everyone is like, "Where the frig is everybody?" Then a sex pot politician assumes power and a band of non-believer Christians battle(s) him Beyond Thunderdome.
But let's back up. TKID4 is on the plane. People are raptured. Now I have some serious things to consider. One, will lunch still be served. Two, can I stretch across the two vacated seats next to me. Three, do we still have our pilots? The third notion was extrememly disconcerting to me, and made me think that, in addition to arming our pilots with guns, locking the cockpit doors, and employing air marshalls, we should make sure at least one of the two pilots on board are voodoo priests, in other words, unrapturable.
Once I realized the plane was under control, I thought about whether my family and friends were gone. Then I started thinking of people I knew who owned nice cars which I could "borrow" now that they were gone. I don't know anyone who owns a Porsche, which would have been cool to drive around in on decongested roads.
I thought about quitting my job or better yet taking over the corner office of my right-wing Christian conversative boss. I also thought that I might try to walk on with a professional sports team, like the Atlanta Braves, assuming they were all gone too. As I fantasized about this, my fever spiked at 102, my eyes rolled into the back of my head, and worst of all, my seat mates returned. No rapture. Just 7 more hours on board.
By rapture I am referring to the concept that all Christians will one day be automatically teleported Star-Trek style to Heaven, while the heathens will be left behind to fight it out with Lucifer, demons, elves and the Loch Ness monster.
This rapture theory, while only 200 years old, is the central theme in the "Left Behind" series which has sold over 70 million copies since 1995. The story begins aboard an aircraft where half the passengers vaporize in a hackish way plagiaristically similar to Stephen King's "Langoliers." Then the plane lands and everyone is like, "Where the frig is everybody?" Then a sex pot politician assumes power and a band of non-believer Christians battle(s) him Beyond Thunderdome.
But let's back up. TKID4 is on the plane. People are raptured. Now I have some serious things to consider. One, will lunch still be served. Two, can I stretch across the two vacated seats next to me. Three, do we still have our pilots? The third notion was extrememly disconcerting to me, and made me think that, in addition to arming our pilots with guns, locking the cockpit doors, and employing air marshalls, we should make sure at least one of the two pilots on board are voodoo priests, in other words, unrapturable.
Once I realized the plane was under control, I thought about whether my family and friends were gone. Then I started thinking of people I knew who owned nice cars which I could "borrow" now that they were gone. I don't know anyone who owns a Porsche, which would have been cool to drive around in on decongested roads.
I thought about quitting my job or better yet taking over the corner office of my right-wing Christian conversative boss. I also thought that I might try to walk on with a professional sports team, like the Atlanta Braves, assuming they were all gone too. As I fantasized about this, my fever spiked at 102, my eyes rolled into the back of my head, and worst of all, my seat mates returned. No rapture. Just 7 more hours on board.
Mule Shit House
Our friends at the horribly underfunded PBS made a terrific documentary about the 1918 Spanish Influenza, otherwise known as "Le Grippe" or the "Scheiße."
It's origins are hotly debated. TKID4 believes it started in a pseudo-hotel on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam where patient zero was identified as a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for the Hawaiian variety of magic mushrooms.
PBS counters with the theory that the flu was the product of a shit storm. Literally.
Fort Riley, Kansas, was a sprawling establishment housing 26,000 men and encompassing an entire camp, Camp Funston, within its 20,000 acre boundaries. Soldiers often complained about the inhospitable weather to be found at the site: bone-chilling winters and sweltering summers. And sandwiched in between these two extremes were the blinding dust storms. Within the camp were thousands of horses and mules that produced a stifling nine tons of manure each month. The accepted method of disposing of the manure was to burn it, an unpleasant task made more so by a driving wind. On Saturday, March 9, 1918, a threatening black sky forecast the coming of a significant dust storm. The dust, combining with the ash of burning manure, kicked up a stinging, stinking yellow haze. The sun was said to have gone dead black in Kansas that day.
Some, looking for a point of origin of the so-called Spanish influenza that would eventually take the lives of 600,000 Americans, point to that day in Kansas. Shortly before breakfast on Monday, March 11, the first domino would fall signaling the commencement of the first wave of the 1918 influenza. Company cook Albert Gitchell reported to the camp infirmary with complaints of a "bad cold." Right behind him came Corporal Lee W. Drake voicing similar complaints. By noon, camp surgeon Edward R. Schreiner had over 100 sick men on his hands, all apparently suffering from the same malady.
Any evidence of an influenza epidemic in the spring of 1918 was furnished by those institutions that kept a close eye on those under their watch: the military and prisons. In April and May over 500 prisoners at San Quentin in California came down with the same condition that had struck soldiers at camp Riley, as well as camps Hancock, Lewis, Sherman, Fremont, and several others. Influenza spreading amongst men living in close quarters did not particularly alarm the public health officials of the day. Little data existed at the time to indicate a sizable spread among the civilian population. Besides, the nation had bigger matters on its mind. There was a war to win.
In the spring of 1918, it appeared that America's involvement in the fight against Germany was beginning to make a difference. In March 84,000 American "dough-boys" set out for Europe; they were followed by another 118,000 the next month. Little did they know they were carrying with them a virus that would prove to be more deadly then the rifles they carried. While sailing across the Atlantic, the 15th U.S. Cavalry incurred 36 cases of influenza, resulting in six deaths. By May, the killer flu had established itself on two continents, and was still growing.
The influenza of 1918 showed no bias in its approach to the combatants in World War I: men from all sides were sickened and killed. Great Britain reported 31,000 influenza cases in June alone. The flu proved such a leveler of men that war plans were altered. Attacks that had been painstakingly planned had to be postponed due to a shortage of healthy men. By early summer, the flu extended its reach beyond the U.S. and western Europe. Numerous cases of influenza were reported in Russia, North Africa, and India. The Pacific Ocean provided no protection as influenza spread to parts of China, Japan, the Philippines, and down to New Zealand.
By July, the influenza of 1918 had left its mark globally. Tens of thousands had fallen ill and died. This first wave was a mere prelude, however, to the perilous path the flu would cut when it reappeared in full force that fall.
So the next time Joe-Kansas hog farmer runs for cover upon spotting a foreign airliner streaking across the sky for fear Osama Hussein will parachute out DB Cooper stylee onto his farm, he should pause before entering his bomb shelter/rec room and extinguish the hog shit inferno he lit earlier in the day. Those fumes could be the next biological weapon, indiscriminate of race, nationality or religion.
It's origins are hotly debated. TKID4 believes it started in a pseudo-hotel on the Rembrandtplein in Amsterdam where patient zero was identified as a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for the Hawaiian variety of magic mushrooms.
PBS counters with the theory that the flu was the product of a shit storm. Literally.
Fort Riley, Kansas, was a sprawling establishment housing 26,000 men and encompassing an entire camp, Camp Funston, within its 20,000 acre boundaries. Soldiers often complained about the inhospitable weather to be found at the site: bone-chilling winters and sweltering summers. And sandwiched in between these two extremes were the blinding dust storms. Within the camp were thousands of horses and mules that produced a stifling nine tons of manure each month. The accepted method of disposing of the manure was to burn it, an unpleasant task made more so by a driving wind. On Saturday, March 9, 1918, a threatening black sky forecast the coming of a significant dust storm. The dust, combining with the ash of burning manure, kicked up a stinging, stinking yellow haze. The sun was said to have gone dead black in Kansas that day.
Some, looking for a point of origin of the so-called Spanish influenza that would eventually take the lives of 600,000 Americans, point to that day in Kansas. Shortly before breakfast on Monday, March 11, the first domino would fall signaling the commencement of the first wave of the 1918 influenza. Company cook Albert Gitchell reported to the camp infirmary with complaints of a "bad cold." Right behind him came Corporal Lee W. Drake voicing similar complaints. By noon, camp surgeon Edward R. Schreiner had over 100 sick men on his hands, all apparently suffering from the same malady.
Any evidence of an influenza epidemic in the spring of 1918 was furnished by those institutions that kept a close eye on those under their watch: the military and prisons. In April and May over 500 prisoners at San Quentin in California came down with the same condition that had struck soldiers at camp Riley, as well as camps Hancock, Lewis, Sherman, Fremont, and several others. Influenza spreading amongst men living in close quarters did not particularly alarm the public health officials of the day. Little data existed at the time to indicate a sizable spread among the civilian population. Besides, the nation had bigger matters on its mind. There was a war to win.
In the spring of 1918, it appeared that America's involvement in the fight against Germany was beginning to make a difference. In March 84,000 American "dough-boys" set out for Europe; they were followed by another 118,000 the next month. Little did they know they were carrying with them a virus that would prove to be more deadly then the rifles they carried. While sailing across the Atlantic, the 15th U.S. Cavalry incurred 36 cases of influenza, resulting in six deaths. By May, the killer flu had established itself on two continents, and was still growing.
The influenza of 1918 showed no bias in its approach to the combatants in World War I: men from all sides were sickened and killed. Great Britain reported 31,000 influenza cases in June alone. The flu proved such a leveler of men that war plans were altered. Attacks that had been painstakingly planned had to be postponed due to a shortage of healthy men. By early summer, the flu extended its reach beyond the U.S. and western Europe. Numerous cases of influenza were reported in Russia, North Africa, and India. The Pacific Ocean provided no protection as influenza spread to parts of China, Japan, the Philippines, and down to New Zealand.
By July, the influenza of 1918 had left its mark globally. Tens of thousands had fallen ill and died. This first wave was a mere prelude, however, to the perilous path the flu would cut when it reappeared in full force that fall.
So the next time Joe-Kansas hog farmer runs for cover upon spotting a foreign airliner streaking across the sky for fear Osama Hussein will parachute out DB Cooper stylee onto his farm, he should pause before entering his bomb shelter/rec room and extinguish the hog shit inferno he lit earlier in the day. Those fumes could be the next biological weapon, indiscriminate of race, nationality or religion.
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