Like many conservatives, we here at TKID's Blog were upset about the events of 9/11, not least of which because we were put in the unenviable position of having to pretend that we love New York City. Clearly, no place on the planet (with the possible exception of Paris and Moscow) is as antithetical to The American Way of Life as are that island chain of heathens that make up the five boroughs of NYC. Nevertheless, I was forced to put on a hat that read "FDNY" like everybody else in my Red State stomping grounds and act as if I, too, were part New Yorker.
Well, the statute of limitations has clearly been reached; it's once again acceptable to admit a general loathing of NYC. It makes me sick to even think of those effete liberals and gays who prance around those gilded city streets, walking their poodles with golden leashes, ordering around their au pairs and scooping up caviar by the gallon. Those people clearly hate America and everything it stands for.
TKID5 speaks from experience. He once visited Manhattan, and though he's a big enough man to admit that it wasn't quite what he expected - the crowds of immigrants, the bustle, grime, noise and palpable energy was downright frightening - he still hated the place. The time has come for all of us to proudly admit our NYC hatred. And I'll take it a step further: we here at TKID's Blog propose a forced secession of NYC for treason against things American. We can process all New Yorkers at Ellis Island, stripping their citizenship and, if they're hot, strip-search them. Then, we can barricade off Manhattan like they did in "Escape from New York." We'll all be much better off once this is accomplished.
May 27, 2005
May 26, 2005
Lovely Di Rita
Terrorist suspects held at Guantanamo Bay prison told U.S. interrogators in April 2002 that military guards abused them and desecrated the Quran, according to recently declassified FBI records.
Among allegations made were that, “The guards beat the detainees. They flushed a Quran in the toilet.”
Lawrence Di Rita, chief spokesman for Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, and one very attractive man TKID4 might add, countered by saying that the specific prisoner who made the earlier statement was later interviewed and “Did not corroborate his own allegation." Di Rita did not answer whether or not that prisoner was conscious at the time of the second interview.
When asked if he had an opinion as to why the prisoner did not affirm his previous allegation, Di Rita said, “It’s a judgment call, and I trust the judgment of the commanders more than I trust the judgment of al-Qaida.” By commanders, Di Rita was most likely referring to the types of U.S. senior personnel who embody the spirit of fair play and decency, such as Brigadier General Janis Karpinski, overseer of Abu "Good times" Gharib prison complex.
Rita said the charges of deliberate Quran desecration by U.S. military personnel were “fantastic” and “not credible on their face.” He cited the U.S. policy of dissuading behavior among guards which might inflame passions among the prisoners.
Furthermore, Di Rita said the Pentagon had not seen the FBI documents containing prisoner allegations until they were made public Wednesday by the American Civil Liberties Union, who got them after pressing for a federal court order under the Freedom of Information Act.
TKID4 wants to offer his support to Di Rita, one of America's true heroes. I believe Di Rita when he says the Pentagon had no idea what was going on at Guantanamo, and had no record of any of these prisoner interrogations. It may be true that Guantanamo is a U.S. military installation , and in many of these interrogations described in the FBI documents, military officers were present, including those from Air Force Office of Special Investigations, as well as Navy and Army investigations personnel. And it did take a private entity's tireless legal battle to uncover the heavily redacted documents. But with the U.S. military waging a constant war against Afghanistan, Iraq, and Freedom of the Press, why should we burden it with demands for transparency?
TKID4 supports the U.S. position on the treatment of these sub-humans in Cuba. As Di Rita claims, the Pentagon is the last entity that would want to inflame the passions of Guantanamo prisoners. That is why they hired independent female contractors to sexually interrogate conservative muslim prisoners at Gitmo, rather than real G.I.s or Feds.
Prior to joining up with The Ruminator, Di Rita worked at the socially oriented Heritage Foundation, a public policy research institute whose mission is to support "free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense."
Among allegations made were that, “The guards beat the detainees. They flushed a Quran in the toilet.”
Lawrence Di Rita, chief spokesman for Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, and one very attractive man TKID4 might add, countered by saying that the specific prisoner who made the earlier statement was later interviewed and “Did not corroborate his own allegation." Di Rita did not answer whether or not that prisoner was conscious at the time of the second interview.
When asked if he had an opinion as to why the prisoner did not affirm his previous allegation, Di Rita said, “It’s a judgment call, and I trust the judgment of the commanders more than I trust the judgment of al-Qaida.” By commanders, Di Rita was most likely referring to the types of U.S. senior personnel who embody the spirit of fair play and decency, such as Brigadier General Janis Karpinski, overseer of Abu "Good times" Gharib prison complex.
Rita said the charges of deliberate Quran desecration by U.S. military personnel were “fantastic” and “not credible on their face.” He cited the U.S. policy of dissuading behavior among guards which might inflame passions among the prisoners.
Furthermore, Di Rita said the Pentagon had not seen the FBI documents containing prisoner allegations until they were made public Wednesday by the American Civil Liberties Union, who got them after pressing for a federal court order under the Freedom of Information Act.
TKID4 wants to offer his support to Di Rita, one of America's true heroes. I believe Di Rita when he says the Pentagon had no idea what was going on at Guantanamo, and had no record of any of these prisoner interrogations. It may be true that Guantanamo is a U.S. military installation , and in many of these interrogations described in the FBI documents, military officers were present, including those from Air Force Office of Special Investigations, as well as Navy and Army investigations personnel. And it did take a private entity's tireless legal battle to uncover the heavily redacted documents. But with the U.S. military waging a constant war against Afghanistan, Iraq, and Freedom of the Press, why should we burden it with demands for transparency?
TKID4 supports the U.S. position on the treatment of these sub-humans in Cuba. As Di Rita claims, the Pentagon is the last entity that would want to inflame the passions of Guantanamo prisoners. That is why they hired independent female contractors to sexually interrogate conservative muslim prisoners at Gitmo, rather than real G.I.s or Feds.
Prior to joining up with The Ruminator, Di Rita worked at the socially oriented Heritage Foundation, a public policy research institute whose mission is to support "free enterprise, limited government, individual freedom, traditional American values, and a strong national defense."
May 24, 2005
Playing Detective
A person wearing a Darth Vader mask robbed a Springfield, IL movie theater last evening. Springfield Police however have no one in custody and have few leads. Amazingly, the police claim to have no suspects.
TKID 4 would like to reprimand the Springfield Police for their ineptitude in this matter. It is obvious to everyone that Darth Vader is the robber. He was postively identifed at the scene. He's been in the area recently. He's evil. And he's been seen in theaters all over the U.S. this past week.
Darth Vader assaulted a lowly theater employee and took an undetermined amount of cash before running out of the theater and into a nearby wooded area, most likely to gain access to his concealed Imperial tie-fighter. No weapons were displayed. Perhaps his light saber was being repaired. He probably pulled the phantom choke manuever too.
When will our heroes in uniform learn to see the truth for what it is. The sooner we realize that a dark force is threatening the Jedi Council, the better for all of us. And Leia.
TKID 4 would like to reprimand the Springfield Police for their ineptitude in this matter. It is obvious to everyone that Darth Vader is the robber. He was postively identifed at the scene. He's been in the area recently. He's evil. And he's been seen in theaters all over the U.S. this past week.
Darth Vader assaulted a lowly theater employee and took an undetermined amount of cash before running out of the theater and into a nearby wooded area, most likely to gain access to his concealed Imperial tie-fighter. No weapons were displayed. Perhaps his light saber was being repaired. He probably pulled the phantom choke manuever too.
When will our heroes in uniform learn to see the truth for what it is. The sooner we realize that a dark force is threatening the Jedi Council, the better for all of us. And Leia.
May 18, 2005
Space Riots
President Bush will wisely approve a national security directive in several days which will move the United States closer to fielding offensive and defensive space weapons. As in space lasers and stuff. With the recent failings of the U.S. Space Shuttle program and the International Space Station, the implementation of such a directive would move America the Beautiful and the world away from the space race and towards a space arms race.
The Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing and pre-deploying space weapons. This directive would provide the authorization and blueprint for full deployment of such weaponry as the mobile multiple nuclear warhead launch vehicle (MMNWLV) and the comprehensive missile defense shield (CMDS). Opponents of the directive claim that such an aggressive posture by the U.S. may cause an escalation not only in space-based arms, but in land and sea based weapons as well.
Air Force officials said the directive did not call for militarizing space. According to its spokesman, Sam the Eagle, the focus is not on putting weapons in space, but rather "having free access in space.” TKID4 nuclear proliferation policy analyst Ted Kiegals clarified the statement. "With all the alien space robots causing havoc for our lunar land colonies up there, it is time the U.S. started protecting its settlers. We need to clear out that space, just like we did the Midwest plains of those backwater vermin in the 1500s."
Lost in the debate of whether the U.S. should man outerspace with floating death platforms is the threat of as-of-yet unknown alien species launching a surprise attack against earth. "You can bet those little green goblins are sitting pretty right as we speak in their musty pods, somewhere on the dark side of the moon," Kiegals said. "When Bush signs this directive, that will get their antennae a'twitchin."
The full directive can be viewed at the Air Force's website www.af.milf/.
The Pentagon has already spent billions of dollars developing and pre-deploying space weapons. This directive would provide the authorization and blueprint for full deployment of such weaponry as the mobile multiple nuclear warhead launch vehicle (MMNWLV) and the comprehensive missile defense shield (CMDS). Opponents of the directive claim that such an aggressive posture by the U.S. may cause an escalation not only in space-based arms, but in land and sea based weapons as well.
Air Force officials said the directive did not call for militarizing space. According to its spokesman, Sam the Eagle, the focus is not on putting weapons in space, but rather "having free access in space.” TKID4 nuclear proliferation policy analyst Ted Kiegals clarified the statement. "With all the alien space robots causing havoc for our lunar land colonies up there, it is time the U.S. started protecting its settlers. We need to clear out that space, just like we did the Midwest plains of those backwater vermin in the 1500s."
Lost in the debate of whether the U.S. should man outerspace with floating death platforms is the threat of as-of-yet unknown alien species launching a surprise attack against earth. "You can bet those little green goblins are sitting pretty right as we speak in their musty pods, somewhere on the dark side of the moon," Kiegals said. "When Bush signs this directive, that will get their antennae a'twitchin."
The full directive can be viewed at the Air Force's website www.af.milf/.
Newsweek Calls Up Three Platoons
Newsweek's management is acting decisively to counteract the damage wrought by a disasterously errant report in the magazine, which claimed that prison guards at Gitmo tossed a Koran in a toilet. Mark Whitaker, Newsweek's editor, today announced that three platoons of editorial staffers would abandon their posts for rapid deployment to battlezones in Afghanistan in Iraq.
The announcement comes hours after last night's White House press conference, during which Newsweek was castigated for the longterm effects of their betrayal of U.S. forces.
During the press conference, presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said: "This report, which Newsweek has now retracted and said was wrong, has had serious consequences. People did lose their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged; there is lasting damage to our image because of this report. And we would encourage Newsweek to do all that they can to help repair the damage that has been done, particularly in the region."
McClellan went on to say that Newsweek should order staffers to abandon their keyboards for rifles, and to "get out where the action is."
We here at TKID's Blog commend Newsweek's belated move to join the battle for the American Way of Life. Perhaps, just perhaps, this act will erase some of the damage the magazine brought to the U.S. image abroad, which was set back at least 20 years by the 10-sentence news story.
However, Newsweek must move quickly to stifle fast-breaking news that members of their foreign correspondent team, which double as special agents for the U.S., have participated in brutal repression of the Iraqi people. Turkish news media today reported that Newsweek reporters, who often work as snipers and sappers for U.S. special forces, often tortured suspected insurgents while interrogating them under the cover of conducting interviews for the newsweekly. Also reported today was news that Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff in 2003 grabbed an AK-47 from an Afghan boy and hosed down a crowd of mosque worshippers. Isikoff, allegedly crazed on speed and heroin, shot and killed at least 35 villagers.
Newsweek must work to ensure that their troops, as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said, "be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be very careful about what they do."
The announcement comes hours after last night's White House press conference, during which Newsweek was castigated for the longterm effects of their betrayal of U.S. forces.
During the press conference, presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said: "This report, which Newsweek has now retracted and said was wrong, has had serious consequences. People did lose their lives. The image of the United States abroad has been damaged; there is lasting damage to our image because of this report. And we would encourage Newsweek to do all that they can to help repair the damage that has been done, particularly in the region."
McClellan went on to say that Newsweek should order staffers to abandon their keyboards for rifles, and to "get out where the action is."
We here at TKID's Blog commend Newsweek's belated move to join the battle for the American Way of Life. Perhaps, just perhaps, this act will erase some of the damage the magazine brought to the U.S. image abroad, which was set back at least 20 years by the 10-sentence news story.
However, Newsweek must move quickly to stifle fast-breaking news that members of their foreign correspondent team, which double as special agents for the U.S., have participated in brutal repression of the Iraqi people. Turkish news media today reported that Newsweek reporters, who often work as snipers and sappers for U.S. special forces, often tortured suspected insurgents while interrogating them under the cover of conducting interviews for the newsweekly. Also reported today was news that Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff in 2003 grabbed an AK-47 from an Afghan boy and hosed down a crowd of mosque worshippers. Isikoff, allegedly crazed on speed and heroin, shot and killed at least 35 villagers.
Newsweek must work to ensure that their troops, as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said, "be very careful about what they say, just as they need to be very careful about what they do."
May 17, 2005
Fictional Revived Athlete Tased in School Parking Lot
Following his remarkable recovery from a massive myocardial infarction, Willie McGinnis, power forward for the Chippewa State Desert Rays was tased to death in the Ft. Worth, Colorado gymnasium parking lot by police officers. McGinnis had minutes earlier collapsed on the court, only to be revived by paramedics through the use of a Duracell battery-powered German-made Der Fibrillator model X-125R, nicknamed "Die Katzefleisch Machine." He went on to score 14 points on 7 for 8 shooting, before being carried out of the gym by fans. As he reached for his car keys, four off duty officers tased him. Ironically, the taser may have been equipped with Duracell Ultra® batteries. The long-lasting, reliable batteries are the energy source of choice for tasers. The PerpZapper 6000EZ, the taser of choice for the Chippewa County Sheriffs Department Shock Force Elite Squad delivers a powerful jolt of electricity, normally to the groin, of suspects.
According to a spokesman for Tasers Inc., Ron Rickwaith, "The PerpZapper provides the pure stopping power of a Colt .44 Magnum, but without the post-op clean up." He went on, "It is probable that Duracell provided that power, and just as the good book says, Duracell giveth life, and Duracell taketh away."
According to a spokesman for Tasers Inc., Ron Rickwaith, "The PerpZapper provides the pure stopping power of a Colt .44 Magnum, but without the post-op clean up." He went on, "It is probable that Duracell provided that power, and just as the good book says, Duracell giveth life, and Duracell taketh away."
duracell gives the hard sell
Last night TKID5 was watching "The Bachelor" (his subsequent shame and self-revulsion was so powerful that it required a two-hour shower during which he screamed like a banshee) when he saw something that made him gag on his ho ho.
A commercial for Duracell batteries was running. On it, a kindly black woman was proudly snapping photos of her handsome son in his basketball duds. I hardly took notice of this bland tripe. Then, while the kid was playing in "the big game" he collapsed on the court. My interest piqued, I watched in shock as paramedics rushed onto the court and, armed with a Duracell-toting defibrillator, shocked the dying hoops player back to life. They literally showed the black kid jolt when they hit him with the juice. It was like some sick version of the Hank Gathers story, all portrayed to sell us batteries.
Profoundly moved, TKID5 went to the nearest corner liquor store and purchased 25 packs of Duracell batteries (along with a 40 oz. of Laser) to help support this noble company. Without more money from people like me, Duracell won't be able to continue saving lives as it did so heroically in this commercial.
A commercial for Duracell batteries was running. On it, a kindly black woman was proudly snapping photos of her handsome son in his basketball duds. I hardly took notice of this bland tripe. Then, while the kid was playing in "the big game" he collapsed on the court. My interest piqued, I watched in shock as paramedics rushed onto the court and, armed with a Duracell-toting defibrillator, shocked the dying hoops player back to life. They literally showed the black kid jolt when they hit him with the juice. It was like some sick version of the Hank Gathers story, all portrayed to sell us batteries.
Profoundly moved, TKID5 went to the nearest corner liquor store and purchased 25 packs of Duracell batteries (along with a 40 oz. of Laser) to help support this noble company. Without more money from people like me, Duracell won't be able to continue saving lives as it did so heroically in this commercial.
Newsweek Implicated in Abusing Taliban Prisoners
The Bush administration reports that the periodical Newsweek has violated the Geneva Convention on over 200 separate occasions during its treatment of political prisoners at the U.S. military facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The magazine had recently apologized and acknowledged its source for a May 1 issue regarding prison abuses "was uncertain." That article, which quoted a military source as saying that interrogators flushed copies of the Quran down some $25,000 per Haliburton toilets at the Cuban prison, has sparked riots around the world by unruly and obviously irrational religious zealots. Whether or not the Justice Department will file criminal charges against the magazine for sytematically torturing prisoners in Cuba remains to be seen.
When asked for her take on the situation, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the story "appalling." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld chastised the magazine, saying "people lost their lives. People are dead." It is unclear if Rumsfeld was referring to the recent riots or the +20,000 Iraqis killed during the illegal U.S. occupation of that country the last two years.
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said "this report has had serious consequences. It has caused damage to the image of the United States abroad." Weekly Annals News Gazette CEO David Lopan commented on the situation as well. "It was bad enough when the U.S. ethnically cleansed several thousand civilians in Fallujah last year, but for Newsweek to report that Uncle Sam doesn't play fair when he tortures detainees is obscene. Qurans can't even fit down toilets. Urrr...probably."
Advocates for Guantanamo prisoners said Newsweek's plight should not obscure the issue of prisoners' treatment at Guantanamo Bay. According to Tina Foster, an Attorney for the Center for Constitutional Rights, "There have been firsthand accounts by former detainees of desecration of the Koran," and "It is unfortunate that the story has become about the reporting because the real issue here is the abuse itself."
TKID4 is calling for an investigation into Ms. Foster and what role she may have had in the torture of political prisoners in Cuba, the Hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the failure of the U.S. Intelligence Community to Thwart 9-11, the 1919 Black Sox Scandal and the theft and publishing of the Pentagon Papers.
When asked for her take on the situation, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the story "appalling." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld chastised the magazine, saying "people lost their lives. People are dead." It is unclear if Rumsfeld was referring to the recent riots or the +20,000 Iraqis killed during the illegal U.S. occupation of that country the last two years.
White House press secretary Scott McClellan said "this report has had serious consequences. It has caused damage to the image of the United States abroad." Weekly Annals News Gazette CEO David Lopan commented on the situation as well. "It was bad enough when the U.S. ethnically cleansed several thousand civilians in Fallujah last year, but for Newsweek to report that Uncle Sam doesn't play fair when he tortures detainees is obscene. Qurans can't even fit down toilets. Urrr...probably."
Advocates for Guantanamo prisoners said Newsweek's plight should not obscure the issue of prisoners' treatment at Guantanamo Bay. According to Tina Foster, an Attorney for the Center for Constitutional Rights, "There have been firsthand accounts by former detainees of desecration of the Koran," and "It is unfortunate that the story has become about the reporting because the real issue here is the abuse itself."
TKID4 is calling for an investigation into Ms. Foster and what role she may have had in the torture of political prisoners in Cuba, the Hijacking of the Achille Lauro, the failure of the U.S. Intelligence Community to Thwart 9-11, the 1919 Black Sox Scandal and the theft and publishing of the Pentagon Papers.
May 11, 2005
Washington Wimps
Another plane strayed into Washington, DC airspace today. The response on the part of Government workers and officials was predictable...and sad. Utter terror, confusion, panic, and sprinting to and fro. Even Dick Cheney hauled tail to an underground bunker. The plane was a small 2 or 4 seater, single engine variety. The type you see buzzing gently over tree tops on sunday afternoons in a Dayton, OH suburb or pulling a banner advertising "2 for 1 mixed drinks at Spinnakers" along a Panama City Beach coastline. Hardly the type of aircraft that would cause a city to collectively become incontinent. On this day, the colors that never run ran fast as hell. But why?
Two men were in the aircraft on their way to a North Carolina air show. They simply screwed up trying to skirt restricted airspace during their trip. More than likely one of them spilled his dip cup in the confined cabin, several "goddamns" were exchanged, the men bent over to clean off their Dickey's overalls and before they knew it they were on approach for the South Lawn.
The detour prompted a scrambling of U.S. fighter jets on a 9-11 scale, meaning two or three responded. They fired "flares" at the plane. Some accounts have an airforce pilot pulling alongside the plane and asking them politely to pull over for a minute. The plane was later escorted to a military base and the men placed in custody. Whew.
TKID4 wonders what happened to the country he used to call home. Where the eagle soared, where rambo ate things that would make a billygoat puke, where we didn't take any "S@$% from the commies. Now, a blip on a radar screen makes us run for the hills, sip our lattes and type away at our blackberries in one efficient and mindless motion.
Why didn't we just shoot that stupid plane right out of the sky. Just fire a sidewinder and vaporize those two pricks. We could show the F-16 nose cam film over and over on CNN. That would make other would-be Wiley Posts put some forethought into their flight plans. Moreover, it would balance out the videos and photos of cowering Americans now playing on Al-Jazeera. Can you imagine winter-hardened Moscovites acting this way if a small Cesena was approaching from the west towards the Kremlin? Putin would personally man the anti-aircraft gun and then light his cigar in the wreckage. TKID 4 would have more respect for Cheney if he did likewise, taking post on top of the White House and challenging that plane to a duel, rather than seeking refuge underground with the oversized D.C. swamp rats.
Two men were in the aircraft on their way to a North Carolina air show. They simply screwed up trying to skirt restricted airspace during their trip. More than likely one of them spilled his dip cup in the confined cabin, several "goddamns" were exchanged, the men bent over to clean off their Dickey's overalls and before they knew it they were on approach for the South Lawn.
The detour prompted a scrambling of U.S. fighter jets on a 9-11 scale, meaning two or three responded. They fired "flares" at the plane. Some accounts have an airforce pilot pulling alongside the plane and asking them politely to pull over for a minute. The plane was later escorted to a military base and the men placed in custody. Whew.
TKID4 wonders what happened to the country he used to call home. Where the eagle soared, where rambo ate things that would make a billygoat puke, where we didn't take any "S@$% from the commies. Now, a blip on a radar screen makes us run for the hills, sip our lattes and type away at our blackberries in one efficient and mindless motion.
Why didn't we just shoot that stupid plane right out of the sky. Just fire a sidewinder and vaporize those two pricks. We could show the F-16 nose cam film over and over on CNN. That would make other would-be Wiley Posts put some forethought into their flight plans. Moreover, it would balance out the videos and photos of cowering Americans now playing on Al-Jazeera. Can you imagine winter-hardened Moscovites acting this way if a small Cesena was approaching from the west towards the Kremlin? Putin would personally man the anti-aircraft gun and then light his cigar in the wreckage. TKID 4 would have more respect for Cheney if he did likewise, taking post on top of the White House and challenging that plane to a duel, rather than seeking refuge underground with the oversized D.C. swamp rats.
elections and eternal damnation
A young pastor who last fall told his congregation in North Carolina that those planning to vote Democrat should "repent or resign" has stepped down. Many of the pastor's congregation also fled their pews in protest when the Baptist pastor, Rev. Chan Chandler, left the pulpit of the East Waynesville Baptist Church on Tuesday night. (On a side note, have you ever noticed the incredible number of Waynesvilles? That Wayne was one prolific guy.)
Rev. Chandler refused to apologize for his tirades against Democrats, an act of defiance that was supported by many members of the church.
"I'm not going to serve with the ungodly," an angry Misty Turner declared to the AP, upon quitting with Rev. Chandler.
We here at TKID's Blog would like to commend Rev. "Charlie" Chan Chandler for his heroic stand. As one of the loyal members of his congregation told the AP, "If it's in the Bible, I believe it should be preached." And clearly, given my voluminous research on the Good Book, God prefers George W. Bush to all takers.
Democrats just aren't godly, as a wise man like old Chan knows. Furthermore, what role should a pastor take if not to lead his flock, particularly in spelling out for the morons how, exactly, to do such things as for whom to vote? This church was in East West Waynesboro, NC, for God's sake. Do you think that these inbred rednecks know how to tie their shoes without someone telling them how to do it? Come on. Self determination might work in those effete European nations like Germany, Holland and Argentina, where everyone wears wire-rim glasses and learns to read at age four, but not in the good old U.S. of A.
Rev. Chandler refused to apologize for his tirades against Democrats, an act of defiance that was supported by many members of the church.
"I'm not going to serve with the ungodly," an angry Misty Turner declared to the AP, upon quitting with Rev. Chandler.
We here at TKID's Blog would like to commend Rev. "Charlie" Chan Chandler for his heroic stand. As one of the loyal members of his congregation told the AP, "If it's in the Bible, I believe it should be preached." And clearly, given my voluminous research on the Good Book, God prefers George W. Bush to all takers.
Democrats just aren't godly, as a wise man like old Chan knows. Furthermore, what role should a pastor take if not to lead his flock, particularly in spelling out for the morons how, exactly, to do such things as for whom to vote? This church was in East West Waynesboro, NC, for God's sake. Do you think that these inbred rednecks know how to tie their shoes without someone telling them how to do it? Come on. Self determination might work in those effete European nations like Germany, Holland and Argentina, where everyone wears wire-rim glasses and learns to read at age four, but not in the good old U.S. of A.
May 10, 2005
Tazed and Confused
The Liberal press is once again hounding the blue-uniformed heroes that preserve the fabric of this great land. Today's call to arms involves the use of tazers, electric stun devices meant to incapacitate assailants whilst preserving the peace. Police departments nationwide have invested in tazers and tazer training as a means to segway from handgun violence and allow for officers to make arrests in an efficient fashion. But recently, several tazer episodes have become part of the public record, and the liberal media is once again twisting the facts to support their agenda.
Never was this more evident than in the coverage surrounding the Seattle woman who was tazered when she refused to sign her speeding ticket. Here are the "unspun" facts:
- A mom had just dropped her child off at school.
- She was clocked by a police radar gun travelling 32 mph in a 20 mph zone.
- She refused to sign the speeding ticket presented to her.
- The officer wisely called for backup before the situation escalated.
- Upon further refusal to sign, officers attempted to lawfully arrest her for failing to sign the ticket.
- The officer brandished a 50,000 volt stun gun and gave a demonstration of its power to the woman who was unwilling to exit her car.
- The stun gun was then applied to her thigh and neck.
- The woman was safely incapacitated and the officers made a quick and efficient arrest.
- TKID 4 has nominated these officer-heroes for commendation.
What the left-wing press wants you to believe is that this woman was eight months pregnant and that officers abused their powers of arrest when they repeatedly tazered her. They want you to think that the South Precinct, Seattle fire medics who examined Brooks, confirmed she was pregnant and recommended she be evaluated at Harborview Medical Center were somehow in a better position to judge the pregnancy status of the assailant than the responding officers.
A police spokesman rightly defended the officer heroes' response to the situation when he stated, "Why use a Taser in a simple traffic stop? Well, the citizen has made it more of a problem. It's no longer a traffic stop. This is now a confrontation."
Instead of making these officers out to be mindless thugs, a responsible media outlet should highlight the real problems this story exposes. Why did it take repeated tazer applications to subdue this criminal? Why are we allowing our officers to go out on patrol with low-voltage tazers?
Never was this more evident than in the coverage surrounding the Seattle woman who was tazered when she refused to sign her speeding ticket. Here are the "unspun" facts:
- A mom had just dropped her child off at school.
- She was clocked by a police radar gun travelling 32 mph in a 20 mph zone.
- She refused to sign the speeding ticket presented to her.
- The officer wisely called for backup before the situation escalated.
- Upon further refusal to sign, officers attempted to lawfully arrest her for failing to sign the ticket.
- The officer brandished a 50,000 volt stun gun and gave a demonstration of its power to the woman who was unwilling to exit her car.
- The stun gun was then applied to her thigh and neck.
- The woman was safely incapacitated and the officers made a quick and efficient arrest.
- TKID 4 has nominated these officer-heroes for commendation.
What the left-wing press wants you to believe is that this woman was eight months pregnant and that officers abused their powers of arrest when they repeatedly tazered her. They want you to think that the South Precinct, Seattle fire medics who examined Brooks, confirmed she was pregnant and recommended she be evaluated at Harborview Medical Center were somehow in a better position to judge the pregnancy status of the assailant than the responding officers.
A police spokesman rightly defended the officer heroes' response to the situation when he stated, "Why use a Taser in a simple traffic stop? Well, the citizen has made it more of a problem. It's no longer a traffic stop. This is now a confrontation."
Instead of making these officers out to be mindless thugs, a responsible media outlet should highlight the real problems this story exposes. Why did it take repeated tazer applications to subdue this criminal? Why are we allowing our officers to go out on patrol with low-voltage tazers?
living in sin
Those freedom-hating cretins at the ACLU are at it again. Every good conservative blogger knows that the ACLU's lawyers are up all night, scheming of dastardly ways to undermine religious practices and The American Way of Life.
But they've gone way too fare with a lawsuit filed recently in North Carolina. The ACLU's latest salvo seeks to dismantle North Carolina's ban on cohabitation. The law, which has been on the books since 1805, prohibits unmarried couples from shacking-up to the tune of $1,000 fine and 60 days in jail. Six other states sport similar laws.
The ACLU's challenge is based on a suit filed by a female sheriff's deputy who was fired when she refused her boss's demand of marrying her boyfriend or moving out.
Now TKID5 can see why some people might not like government getting involved in peoples' decisions about who they live with. Jail might seem a bit stiff for a cohabiting couple who has yet to tie the knot. But not when you realize that cohabitation is the fast-track to living like the devil. If unmarried folks start living together, next thing they know they're shooting up heroin and engaging in bestiality. This is a culture war we're in, people, and it's time to choose sides. TKID5 knows he and the ACLU are staring each other down, hands on pistols. Whose side are you on?
This quote might help you make up your mind:
"We think that it's good to have a law against cohabitation because the studies show that couples that cohabitate before they're married, that their marriages are more prone to break up, there's less stability in the marriage," said Bill Brooks, executive director of the conservative North Carolina Family Policy Council, in an interview with the AP.
Listen to old Bill, he knows what he's talking about. That guy used to live with a female circus midget in the '50s. Needless to say, things didn't work out. But he saw the light, and so must we all.
But they've gone way too fare with a lawsuit filed recently in North Carolina. The ACLU's latest salvo seeks to dismantle North Carolina's ban on cohabitation. The law, which has been on the books since 1805, prohibits unmarried couples from shacking-up to the tune of $1,000 fine and 60 days in jail. Six other states sport similar laws.
The ACLU's challenge is based on a suit filed by a female sheriff's deputy who was fired when she refused her boss's demand of marrying her boyfriend or moving out.
Now TKID5 can see why some people might not like government getting involved in peoples' decisions about who they live with. Jail might seem a bit stiff for a cohabiting couple who has yet to tie the knot. But not when you realize that cohabitation is the fast-track to living like the devil. If unmarried folks start living together, next thing they know they're shooting up heroin and engaging in bestiality. This is a culture war we're in, people, and it's time to choose sides. TKID5 knows he and the ACLU are staring each other down, hands on pistols. Whose side are you on?
This quote might help you make up your mind:
"We think that it's good to have a law against cohabitation because the studies show that couples that cohabitate before they're married, that their marriages are more prone to break up, there's less stability in the marriage," said Bill Brooks, executive director of the conservative North Carolina Family Policy Council, in an interview with the AP.
Listen to old Bill, he knows what he's talking about. That guy used to live with a female circus midget in the '50s. Needless to say, things didn't work out. But he saw the light, and so must we all.
May 5, 2005
Calvert 1, Scientists 0
TKID 4 is no scientist. But if he were, and he were confronted by a young 20-something ish college female with blonde hair, (cough) firm body, and firm resolve in her drive to debunk evolutionary theory by questioning me with the following script, I would immediately renounce the scientific method and torch my periodic table. John Calvert is supplying millions of Americans, including the likes of the above described, with the following do-it-yourself creationism/evolution debate, complete with predicted responses from a confused teacher.
WHO CAN ANSWER MY QUESTION?
By John Calvert, who grants permission to use and copy to anyone
My Name is ____________. I am ____________________.
With the help of _____________, we would like to demonstrate a fundamental problem with the Naturalistic underpinning of the proposed Science Standards.
STUDENT: I have a question - When I look at people, they look designed to me. I also hear there is a lot of evidence that confirms my intuition. Some chemists say that physical and chemical laws can’t account for biological information. Biochemists say many biological systems are irreducibly complex. Mathematicians say it is statistically impossible for the first cell to have been assembled out of nothing. Geologists say that the fossil record shows life appearing abruptly rather than gradually. Astronomers say the Universe is so finely tuned that if you just changed one constant by a smidgen, we wouldn’t be here. So, isn’t there a lot of evidence that we might be designed?
TEACHER: I can’t answer your question. We are not allowed to talk about design. It is outside the “domain” of science.
STUDENT: That doesn’t make sense to me. I hear this stuff coming from scientists.
TEACHER: Well, they just don’t know what science is.
STUDENT They just think they are scientists, but really aren’t? Well, what is science?
TEACHER: Science is the activity of seeking only natural explanations of what we see. These guys are inferring design from the evidence. Scientists aren’t allowed to do that. You are not allowed to discuss the possibility of intelligent design.
STUDENT: Isn’t that censorship? Who can answer my question, if you are not allowed to talk about it?
TEACHER: [Nervous cough] I am told that you have to go to your family or other appropriate source.
STUDENT: My family doesn’t know anything about complexity in living systems, biochemistry, physics, geology, statistics or cosmology. So what is an appropriate source?
TEACHER: I don’t know. Maybe your pastor or a philosopher.
STUDENT: Come on Teach! They don’t know anything about that stuff. Who can answer my question if scientists can’t?
The script ends at this point, but TKID 4 can't help but speculate about the continuing dialog which could very well be taking place right now in the corn fields of Topeka and the back alleys of L.A. between the "teach" and the student. Most likely stirring debates over the 1st Amendment Church and State clause are underway, or possibly solicitations for sexual intercourse.
WHO CAN ANSWER MY QUESTION?
By John Calvert, who grants permission to use and copy to anyone
My Name is ____________. I am ____________________.
With the help of _____________, we would like to demonstrate a fundamental problem with the Naturalistic underpinning of the proposed Science Standards.
STUDENT: I have a question - When I look at people, they look designed to me. I also hear there is a lot of evidence that confirms my intuition. Some chemists say that physical and chemical laws can’t account for biological information. Biochemists say many biological systems are irreducibly complex. Mathematicians say it is statistically impossible for the first cell to have been assembled out of nothing. Geologists say that the fossil record shows life appearing abruptly rather than gradually. Astronomers say the Universe is so finely tuned that if you just changed one constant by a smidgen, we wouldn’t be here. So, isn’t there a lot of evidence that we might be designed?
TEACHER: I can’t answer your question. We are not allowed to talk about design. It is outside the “domain” of science.
STUDENT: That doesn’t make sense to me. I hear this stuff coming from scientists.
TEACHER: Well, they just don’t know what science is.
STUDENT They just think they are scientists, but really aren’t? Well, what is science?
TEACHER: Science is the activity of seeking only natural explanations of what we see. These guys are inferring design from the evidence. Scientists aren’t allowed to do that. You are not allowed to discuss the possibility of intelligent design.
STUDENT: Isn’t that censorship? Who can answer my question, if you are not allowed to talk about it?
TEACHER: [Nervous cough] I am told that you have to go to your family or other appropriate source.
STUDENT: My family doesn’t know anything about complexity in living systems, biochemistry, physics, geology, statistics or cosmology. So what is an appropriate source?
TEACHER: I don’t know. Maybe your pastor or a philosopher.
STUDENT: Come on Teach! They don’t know anything about that stuff. Who can answer my question if scientists can’t?
The script ends at this point, but TKID 4 can't help but speculate about the continuing dialog which could very well be taking place right now in the corn fields of Topeka and the back alleys of L.A. between the "teach" and the student. Most likely stirring debates over the 1st Amendment Church and State clause are underway, or possibly solicitations for sexual intercourse.
monkey business - part II
Hearings over the teaching of evolution began today before the Kansas Board of Education. Complete with lawyers and "expert" testimony, the trial is a reprise of the Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925. Only this time, evolution is under fire, not creationism.
"This is the Scopes trial turned on its head," proudly proclaimed Bruce Chapman, president of the Seattle-based Discovery Institute, in an interview with the AP.
We here at TKID's Blog see the Kansas monkey debate as progress, erasing the wrongheaded direction in which our nation's education has drifted since the '20s, when booze was still banned - a far greater abomination than the Scopes trial.
The well-funded Discovery Institute is among the groups leading the charge against Darwin's idiotic premise that humans evolved from monkeys, and before that, bacteria and the like. The Institute explains the main thrust on its Web site, stating that it "favors teaching students about the scientific evidence for and against neo-Darwinism." The con arguments, apparently, are that natural selection and random mutations may not be "sufficient to explain the complexity of life."
Though the Institute and their posse don't come out and admit it, only one entity is powerful enough to create the wondorous majesty of life in all its complexities (such as TKID5's absurdly splendid liver, which has managed to keep him alive by processing approximately 15,000 alcoholic beverages during his lifetime). That's right: The Big Guy Upstairs.
The whole intelligent design theory thing does bother TKID5, however. Are we supposed to buy the bible's explanation if not Darwin's? Because TKID5 loves the dinosaurs - particularly the TREX, yeah! - and can't seem to get his head around the indisputable fact that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Did the Big Guy hide those dinosaur bones out in Utah just to throw us off the scent of intelligent design? If so, sweet move! You totally fooled me - talk about intelligent.
The bottom-line is that anyone who thinks a billion generations of regenerating life forms could ever result in the perfection that is TKID5 is a total fool. I'm about as close to Adonis Godly as anyone can get. There is NO DOUBT that the Big Guy drew me up on his drafting board in the sky. The only people who believe that evolution BS are self-loathing, America-hating liberals. Face it people, we're all divine perfection. Deal with it.
"This is the Scopes trial turned on its head," proudly proclaimed Bruce Chapman, president of the Seattle-based Discovery Institute, in an interview with the AP.
We here at TKID's Blog see the Kansas monkey debate as progress, erasing the wrongheaded direction in which our nation's education has drifted since the '20s, when booze was still banned - a far greater abomination than the Scopes trial.
The well-funded Discovery Institute is among the groups leading the charge against Darwin's idiotic premise that humans evolved from monkeys, and before that, bacteria and the like. The Institute explains the main thrust on its Web site, stating that it "favors teaching students about the scientific evidence for and against neo-Darwinism." The con arguments, apparently, are that natural selection and random mutations may not be "sufficient to explain the complexity of life."
Though the Institute and their posse don't come out and admit it, only one entity is powerful enough to create the wondorous majesty of life in all its complexities (such as TKID5's absurdly splendid liver, which has managed to keep him alive by processing approximately 15,000 alcoholic beverages during his lifetime). That's right: The Big Guy Upstairs.
The whole intelligent design theory thing does bother TKID5, however. Are we supposed to buy the bible's explanation if not Darwin's? Because TKID5 loves the dinosaurs - particularly the TREX, yeah! - and can't seem to get his head around the indisputable fact that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Did the Big Guy hide those dinosaur bones out in Utah just to throw us off the scent of intelligent design? If so, sweet move! You totally fooled me - talk about intelligent.
The bottom-line is that anyone who thinks a billion generations of regenerating life forms could ever result in the perfection that is TKID5 is a total fool. I'm about as close to Adonis Godly as anyone can get. There is NO DOUBT that the Big Guy drew me up on his drafting board in the sky. The only people who believe that evolution BS are self-loathing, America-hating liberals. Face it people, we're all divine perfection. Deal with it.
May 4, 2005
Gere-gate
Richard Gere dropped the quote of the week in response to an autograph request from two teens in wheelchairs at Saturday's White House Correspondents' Dinner in Washington.
The teenagers, Brian and Kailyn Glassmacher suffer from a form of MS known as Glassmacher syndrome. TKID4 can envision the diagnosis now. I'm guessing it was first named by a doctor who didn't know what the hell he was doing.
Dr. X: "You've got a rare form of MS. "
Glassmacher kids: "Really...what's it called."
Dr. X: "Ummm....ahhhhh...Gla....zzzz....aaa....mmmaaaaa......kkkkk....."
Glassmacher kids: "Glassmacher??"
Dr. X: "Uh...yeah...sure....Glassmacher, quite a coincidence, huh?"
Glassmacher: "Geez, we never knew we had a disease named after us."
Dr. X: "Strange indeed, the planets seemed to have aligned for you two. Now about those wonder twin powers..."
So Gere in response to an autograph request from these two wheelchair bound kids allegedly said, "Maybe later, I'm hard of hearing and I have a bad hip. We all have problems."
In fairness to the Officer and Gentleman that he is, Gere later fulfilled the request when he was cornered by one of wheelchaired pair and opted to sign rather than hurdle over the equipment with that bum leg of his.
Personally, TKID4 thinks this story smells of hoax. There have been several media dupes lately, including the kidnapped bride, the treasure buried in the back yard, and the woman who threw her newborn out of a moving car. This Gere-story sounds similar. Another lemon passed on to the ever-vigilant press corp. The good news is this story will serve to run interference over the fact that the U.S. Government has been systematically testing dangerous AIDS drugs on unwitting/unknowing foster children. As if these kids don't have enough trouble, now Uncle Sam is shooting them up with drug cocktails in some sort of subhuman lab rat program.
And speaking of the press, Joe Scarborough recently berated Governor Arnold Swarzenneggar for remarks he made on the Howard Stern show last week. The Governor announced on the show that he was going to destroy the moon so that women would not have to suffer menstrual cycles anymore. Problem is, that was a fake-Arnold calling into the show. Everyone knew that but Mr. Scarborough apparently.
The teenagers, Brian and Kailyn Glassmacher suffer from a form of MS known as Glassmacher syndrome. TKID4 can envision the diagnosis now. I'm guessing it was first named by a doctor who didn't know what the hell he was doing.
Dr. X: "You've got a rare form of MS. "
Glassmacher kids: "Really...what's it called."
Dr. X: "Ummm....ahhhhh...Gla....zzzz....aaa....mmmaaaaa......kkkkk....."
Glassmacher kids: "Glassmacher??"
Dr. X: "Uh...yeah...sure....Glassmacher, quite a coincidence, huh?"
Glassmacher: "Geez, we never knew we had a disease named after us."
Dr. X: "Strange indeed, the planets seemed to have aligned for you two. Now about those wonder twin powers..."
So Gere in response to an autograph request from these two wheelchair bound kids allegedly said, "Maybe later, I'm hard of hearing and I have a bad hip. We all have problems."
In fairness to the Officer and Gentleman that he is, Gere later fulfilled the request when he was cornered by one of wheelchaired pair and opted to sign rather than hurdle over the equipment with that bum leg of his.
Personally, TKID4 thinks this story smells of hoax. There have been several media dupes lately, including the kidnapped bride, the treasure buried in the back yard, and the woman who threw her newborn out of a moving car. This Gere-story sounds similar. Another lemon passed on to the ever-vigilant press corp. The good news is this story will serve to run interference over the fact that the U.S. Government has been systematically testing dangerous AIDS drugs on unwitting/unknowing foster children. As if these kids don't have enough trouble, now Uncle Sam is shooting them up with drug cocktails in some sort of subhuman lab rat program.
And speaking of the press, Joe Scarborough recently berated Governor Arnold Swarzenneggar for remarks he made on the Howard Stern show last week. The Governor announced on the show that he was going to destroy the moon so that women would not have to suffer menstrual cycles anymore. Problem is, that was a fake-Arnold calling into the show. Everyone knew that but Mr. Scarborough apparently.
May 3, 2005
First Lady of Comedy
First Lady and Commediane in Chief Laura Bush got down and dirty at a formal dinner party last weekend. Thanks to material from a cadre of White House speechwriters, she unleashed a torrent of barbs at GWB, calling him Mr. Excitement in one breath and then claiming he sexually groped a horse's penis in another.
The reclusive Laura let her conservative hair down as she described a fictitious visit to Chippendales she, Lynne Cheney, and Justices O'Connor and Ginsburg made. While several conversative guests were upset at the sexual innuendos and subtle disrespect for G-Dubs, most had a good laugh.
Mrs. Bush's set lasted several minutes, but was cut short due to time constraints. TKID4 obtained the drafts for the remaining jokes Laura was going to tell but didn't. Here are a few of the zingers.
"George is not so bright. He thought Iraq had stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. Then he saw the intelligence which indicated that they didn't. But the dumbass just went in and attacked anyways. (PAUSE) Killed thousands of them towelheads too."
"You might think being First Lady is a barrel of laughs. Well let me tell you, it's not as funny as watching George try to destroy our environment acre by acre. (PAUSE) I call him "The Salesman" because he's determined to sell-out our children's future to the highest bidder."
"Knock knock...."
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Who's There"
"Human Rights Violations"
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Human Rights Violations Who"
"George done think only Christians are humans. That's why he ordered the Fallujah Holocaust."
"Did you hear the one about George executing a woman in Texas for killing her abusive husband? (PAUSE) Her name was Betty Lou Beets. He barbequed her ass, even though she obviously suffered from abusive spouse syndrome."
The reclusive Laura let her conservative hair down as she described a fictitious visit to Chippendales she, Lynne Cheney, and Justices O'Connor and Ginsburg made. While several conversative guests were upset at the sexual innuendos and subtle disrespect for G-Dubs, most had a good laugh.
Mrs. Bush's set lasted several minutes, but was cut short due to time constraints. TKID4 obtained the drafts for the remaining jokes Laura was going to tell but didn't. Here are a few of the zingers.
"George is not so bright. He thought Iraq had stockpile of weapons of mass destruction. Then he saw the intelligence which indicated that they didn't. But the dumbass just went in and attacked anyways. (PAUSE) Killed thousands of them towelheads too."
"You might think being First Lady is a barrel of laughs. Well let me tell you, it's not as funny as watching George try to destroy our environment acre by acre. (PAUSE) I call him "The Salesman" because he's determined to sell-out our children's future to the highest bidder."
"Knock knock...."
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Who's There"
"Human Rights Violations"
(AUDIENCE RESPONSE) "Human Rights Violations Who"
"George done think only Christians are humans. That's why he ordered the Fallujah Holocaust."
"Did you hear the one about George executing a woman in Texas for killing her abusive husband? (PAUSE) Her name was Betty Lou Beets. He barbequed her ass, even though she obviously suffered from abusive spouse syndrome."
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