TKID4's never ending fascination with anagrams has revealed startling insights into the Ron Mexico controversy. Through manipulation of his acute grammatical skills, TKID4 has generated a list of suspect anagrams of the name Ron Mexico. What was Michael Vick trying to tell us when he chose the name Ron Mexico. Perhaps he meant to slander a "Moronic Ex." Or maybe he was unveiling a free mason master plot by the name of "Croix Omen." TKID4 doubts it was in reference to a "Coon Mixer," whatever that is. More likely than not, it's just a thinly veiled promotional arrangement between the NFL QB and the 1940's breakfast cereal "Corn Moxie."
TKID Four is excited to unveil his new alias, discovered during the hours of research done in preparation for penning this story. From now on he will be known as Frit Kudo.
Apr 27, 2005
Apr 26, 2005
Ron Mexico Redux
TKID4 here providing continual coverage of the Michael Vick medical malady saga. You might remember the Falcons deft QB has come under fire recently for passing a rather nasty STD on to an unsuspecting female. Worse, he did so under the alias Ron Mexico.
There are those which seek to facilitate similar incognito infections by providing the average joe with an automatic alias generator called the "Ron Mexico Name Generator."
Here is a selection of the devious pseudonyms available to future VD deviants.
Jim Smith = Dante Croatia
John Edwards = Giorgio Sweden
John Kerry = Adonis Senegal
and my personal favorite:
Donald Rumsfeld = Holmes Cambodia
There are those which seek to facilitate similar incognito infections by providing the average joe with an automatic alias generator called the "Ron Mexico Name Generator."
Here is a selection of the devious pseudonyms available to future VD deviants.
Jim Smith = Dante Croatia
John Edwards = Giorgio Sweden
John Kerry = Adonis Senegal
and my personal favorite:
Donald Rumsfeld = Holmes Cambodia
Bush is in his Holy Temple
The Christian Report magazine recently released its Top 50 Most Influential Christians in America rankings. The list includes pastors, authors, politicians, radio show hosts, publishers, and televangelists. Topping the ranks was President George W. Bush, followed by Madmax himself Mel Gibson. Evangelist Billy Graham came in at holy numeral 3.
Coming in at number 9 with a bullet was Dr. Paul Crouch Sr., founder and prez of the TBN. You may know Crouch from his hugely popular television show featuring himself and his lovely wife Jan Crouch. Crouch started TBN with his wife in 1973. Today TBN is carried by over12,000 TV stations and cable affiliates fed by 46 annointed satellites. More importantly, the Crouch's drive matching Range Rovers and recently purchased a $5 million estate in California. TKID4 contributed to Crouch's master bathroom renovation fund. And you can too, here. Praise be to the highest Moen fawcetts money can buy.
Other notable Christians included in the rankings were the ever spectacled Dr. Robert Schuller, Dr. Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, and Chuck Swindoll. That's Swindoll with an "O."
Benny Hinn made the cut. So did Pat Robertson. Noticeably absent was the Savior himself, the Lord Jesus Christ.
In other news, Mel Gibson has signed on to star in and direct the futuristic thriller Crusade 2010. The premise involves a rogue 20-something blonde femme physicist who teams up with a Special Forces Veteran to transport a crack team of misfists back in time to 12th Century Jerusalem to take on man-eating Islamic forces led by the pederast Saladin. No word yet on if Mel is willing to grant audiences his ubiquitous ass shot during the final climactic retaking of Jerusalem by Apache Helicopter.
Coming in at number 9 with a bullet was Dr. Paul Crouch Sr., founder and prez of the TBN. You may know Crouch from his hugely popular television show featuring himself and his lovely wife Jan Crouch. Crouch started TBN with his wife in 1973. Today TBN is carried by over12,000 TV stations and cable affiliates fed by 46 annointed satellites. More importantly, the Crouch's drive matching Range Rovers and recently purchased a $5 million estate in California. TKID4 contributed to Crouch's master bathroom renovation fund. And you can too, here. Praise be to the highest Moen fawcetts money can buy.
Other notable Christians included in the rankings were the ever spectacled Dr. Robert Schuller, Dr. Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, and Chuck Swindoll. That's Swindoll with an "O."
Benny Hinn made the cut. So did Pat Robertson. Noticeably absent was the Savior himself, the Lord Jesus Christ.
In other news, Mel Gibson has signed on to star in and direct the futuristic thriller Crusade 2010. The premise involves a rogue 20-something blonde femme physicist who teams up with a Special Forces Veteran to transport a crack team of misfists back in time to 12th Century Jerusalem to take on man-eating Islamic forces led by the pederast Saladin. No word yet on if Mel is willing to grant audiences his ubiquitous ass shot during the final climactic retaking of Jerusalem by Apache Helicopter.
Apr 20, 2005
DeLayin' Blame on da Judge
House Majority Leader and Self-Licensed Neurologist Tom DeLay blasted Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy today, claiming his recent contributions to the Supreme Court were "incredibly outrageous" because he has relied on international law.
DeLay complained, "We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous."
What the right honourable Congressman is forgetting in his judicial critique is that the U.S. Constitution itself is the product of un-American international ideas and idealists.
For instance, John Locke's Second Treatise on Civil Government, a centerpiece of English constitutional history was widely read and adopted by several Constitutional authors, particularly James "Dwarf-boy" Madison. We cannot also forget that Frenchie Montesquieu's The Spirit of the Laws which outlined an acceptable form and structure of the national government later adopted in the U.S. Constitution of 1787.
DeLay is also overlooking those pesky Roman and Greek thinkers' works such as Aristotle's Politics and Cicero's The Republic whichhad an incredible influence on the Thomas George Jeffersons of olden colonial times. Throw in the Bible, and you've got yourself an international amalgam of thought and beliefs spanning two millenia all funneling down to a piece of vellum parchment with some signatures on it.
DeLay is right about one thing though. Anything international is bad.
DeLay complained, "We've got Justice Kennedy writing decisions based upon international law, not the Constitution of the United States? That's just outrageous."
What the right honourable Congressman is forgetting in his judicial critique is that the U.S. Constitution itself is the product of un-American international ideas and idealists.
For instance, John Locke's Second Treatise on Civil Government, a centerpiece of English constitutional history was widely read and adopted by several Constitutional authors, particularly James "Dwarf-boy" Madison. We cannot also forget that Frenchie Montesquieu's The Spirit of the Laws which outlined an acceptable form and structure of the national government later adopted in the U.S. Constitution of 1787.
DeLay is also overlooking those pesky Roman and Greek thinkers' works such as Aristotle's Politics and Cicero's The Republic whichhad an incredible influence on the Thomas George Jeffersons of olden colonial times. Throw in the Bible, and you've got yourself an international amalgam of thought and beliefs spanning two millenia all funneling down to a piece of vellum parchment with some signatures on it.
DeLay is right about one thing though. Anything international is bad.
Apr 19, 2005
White Smoke, Black Smoke
White smoke signals the election of a new pope, after two days of black smoke belched from the chimneys of Vatican City. Bells were ringing from the Vatican Tuesday confirming that cardinals had reached a decision for a successor to Pope John Paul II.
“We thought it was white. Then it went black. I had a feeling of exhilaration followed by disappointment,” said Harold Reeves, a 35-year-old theology student from Washington, D.C. Reeves was also thrown off by a large plume of red smoke in the form of lucifer which belched forth in an unholy manner early Tuesday morning. Vatican spokesmen claimed the smoke was the result of a cardinal accidentally dropping his skull cap in the voting ballot oven.
“This is history, Dr. Jones” said Hernan Aracena, 19, wrapped in a Venezuelan flag. “As time goes by, this will be one of those moments where you say, ‘I was there.”’
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has been tapped by many pope pundits as the next Holiness. The "Rat-man" as fellow cardinals call him, was once a German anti-aircraft battery operator taking pot shots at U.S. aircrews. Now he is on deck and ready to take his swings following John Paul's grand slam. He knows chin music is coming too.
“We thought it was white. Then it went black. I had a feeling of exhilaration followed by disappointment,” said Harold Reeves, a 35-year-old theology student from Washington, D.C. Reeves was also thrown off by a large plume of red smoke in the form of lucifer which belched forth in an unholy manner early Tuesday morning. Vatican spokesmen claimed the smoke was the result of a cardinal accidentally dropping his skull cap in the voting ballot oven.
“This is history, Dr. Jones” said Hernan Aracena, 19, wrapped in a Venezuelan flag. “As time goes by, this will be one of those moments where you say, ‘I was there.”’
Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has been tapped by many pope pundits as the next Holiness. The "Rat-man" as fellow cardinals call him, was once a German anti-aircraft battery operator taking pot shots at U.S. aircrews. Now he is on deck and ready to take his swings following John Paul's grand slam. He knows chin music is coming too.
Apr 18, 2005
Spontaneous Combustion
Back in '03 a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery caught on fire at a Seattle Hospital.
He began to BBQ after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
According to the hospital, the patient died after the surgery but that was due to heart failure and not the fire. Further investigation revealed that his heart stopped beating because it was flame broiled.
According to this article, 2 people die each year from a combination of combustible factors, including the main culprit, an electrosurgical unit. That reminds me of the time TKID's medical correspondent accidentally used his vintage Roland Synthesizer on a patient instead of his electro-knife. The results were tragic for electronic musicians everywhere.
He began to BBQ after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
According to the hospital, the patient died after the surgery but that was due to heart failure and not the fire. Further investigation revealed that his heart stopped beating because it was flame broiled.
According to this article, 2 people die each year from a combination of combustible factors, including the main culprit, an electrosurgical unit. That reminds me of the time TKID's medical correspondent accidentally used his vintage Roland Synthesizer on a patient instead of his electro-knife. The results were tragic for electronic musicians everywhere.
Apr 14, 2005
eggheads hate america
Now that Republicans run all three branches of government (those activist judges have been a bit of a pain in the judiciary) we conservative bloggers have been forced to turn our energy elsewhere. In addition to the liberal media conspiracy, we've focused on the daily outrages foisted upon innocent minds at our nation's college campuses. Bill Hawkins, an incensed letter writer in today's Washington Examiner says it best, arguing that colleges, particularly those focusing on the social sciences, "have become the pampered homes of eggheads who are anti-social and irrational in their hatred of America."
Damn straight.
TKID3 can remember when his American Dream was crushed upon his arrival at college so many years ago. I had long looked forward to receiving my higher education at a place where I could join other sportscoat and penny-loafer wearing young males in the innocent pursuit of collegiate bliss. I daydreamed of an evening when, after finishing practice for my barbershop quartet, I could head over to the fraternity house and engage in wholesome revelry, such as giving my fraternity pin to my main squeeze or spanking a nude pledge with my hand-whittled paddle.
What I actually discovered at college was horrid. The dorms were chaotic places with drug-smoking fiends, none of whom had any interest in the time-honored tradition of being humiliated by God-loving fraternity boys. The infernal music and sounds of pagan partying blared at all hours of the day. And the girls! No Betty Crocker-aspiring, Laura Bush-esque co-eds here. Feminism had crept into their frail minds, and we men were actually expected to perform for them! No effort, no best girl. Women never even so much as a glanced at a traditional man like myself.
Things went from bad to worse, and I gradually dropped into a deep stupor: barricading myself in my dorm room, watching infomercials all night long and wearing a curtain to cover-up my massive and swelling girth. At one point, a concerned student called security to see if I was still alive. When they tried to open the door, a huge pile of empty Southern Comfort bottles blocked the paramedics' path.
Dark days indeed.
But with the fearless lead of our nation's finest bloggers, we can turn the clock back at our college campuses. I'll be praying that it isn't too late.
Damn straight.
TKID3 can remember when his American Dream was crushed upon his arrival at college so many years ago. I had long looked forward to receiving my higher education at a place where I could join other sportscoat and penny-loafer wearing young males in the innocent pursuit of collegiate bliss. I daydreamed of an evening when, after finishing practice for my barbershop quartet, I could head over to the fraternity house and engage in wholesome revelry, such as giving my fraternity pin to my main squeeze or spanking a nude pledge with my hand-whittled paddle.
What I actually discovered at college was horrid. The dorms were chaotic places with drug-smoking fiends, none of whom had any interest in the time-honored tradition of being humiliated by God-loving fraternity boys. The infernal music and sounds of pagan partying blared at all hours of the day. And the girls! No Betty Crocker-aspiring, Laura Bush-esque co-eds here. Feminism had crept into their frail minds, and we men were actually expected to perform for them! No effort, no best girl. Women never even so much as a glanced at a traditional man like myself.
Things went from bad to worse, and I gradually dropped into a deep stupor: barricading myself in my dorm room, watching infomercials all night long and wearing a curtain to cover-up my massive and swelling girth. At one point, a concerned student called security to see if I was still alive. When they tried to open the door, a huge pile of empty Southern Comfort bottles blocked the paramedics' path.
Dark days indeed.
But with the fearless lead of our nation's finest bloggers, we can turn the clock back at our college campuses. I'll be praying that it isn't too late.
Apr 8, 2005
cash money smells green
TKID3 is no fan of Indiana's men and women in blue, a fact reinforced by the recent story from the Indianapolis Star headlined: "Man caught with cash smelling of pot."
Apparently the crack detectives caught a whiff of crime after being handed $400 in cash from some sucker trying to bail-out his brother-in-law.
From the article:
******
"When I walked back toward the jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," [the dispatcher] said.
A jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
******
The cops then searched the guy's car and turned up a lame amount of pot, but enough to lock him up.
One has to wonder, did these crack detectives recognize the stink of weed from a cop seminar named something like: "Recognizing the Aroma of Dangerous Narcotics 101" or from their own experience firing up Jimmy's four-foot bong in the back of a hobbit-mural-adorned van?
It's a good thing TKID3 didn't grow up in the hoosier state. I once managed to spill a massive quantity of bong water on the sweatshirt of a kid who refused to touch drugs. That kid, an innocent in the war on drugs, smelled as if he'd rolled around in a vat of Vancouver kind buds. Indiana's finest would've locked him up for life on stink evidence alone.
Apparently the crack detectives caught a whiff of crime after being handed $400 in cash from some sucker trying to bail-out his brother-in-law.
From the article:
******
"When I walked back toward the jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," [the dispatcher] said.
A jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
******
The cops then searched the guy's car and turned up a lame amount of pot, but enough to lock him up.
One has to wonder, did these crack detectives recognize the stink of weed from a cop seminar named something like: "Recognizing the Aroma of Dangerous Narcotics 101" or from their own experience firing up Jimmy's four-foot bong in the back of a hobbit-mural-adorned van?
It's a good thing TKID3 didn't grow up in the hoosier state. I once managed to spill a massive quantity of bong water on the sweatshirt of a kid who refused to touch drugs. That kid, an innocent in the war on drugs, smelled as if he'd rolled around in a vat of Vancouver kind buds. Indiana's finest would've locked him up for life on stink evidence alone.
blame it on rio
A band of rogue police officers in Rio, acting in a bizarre protest of a corruption probe, recently offed about 30 people in random shootings in the city's slums. The violence was ridiculously over-the-top, even for Brazil. However, media coverage in Brazil of the cop massacre has been scant. The reason: 24/7 pope coverage.
The following quote ran in the AP:
"Without a doubt, the news of the death of the pope took on such vast proportions that this horrible fact was somewhat forgotten," said Rev. Luciano Bergamin, bishop of Nova Iguacu. "We have to forget the death of the pope a little and make sure these facts don't repeat themselves."
That's right, the news event of an 84-year-old guy's funeral is more important than news of the random slaughter of 30 people.
Amazingly, some bloggers in this country have complained about the media's coverage of the pope's deathwatch/expiration/funeral, calling it insufficient or not properly fawning and respectful. Maybe TKID4 is out of touch, but I've seen more pope news than I can handle. Besides, I don't get why a funeral for anyone, even the top dawg of the Catholic church is worthy of live coverage at all hours. He's dead. That's that.
The following quote ran in the AP:
"Without a doubt, the news of the death of the pope took on such vast proportions that this horrible fact was somewhat forgotten," said Rev. Luciano Bergamin, bishop of Nova Iguacu. "We have to forget the death of the pope a little and make sure these facts don't repeat themselves."
That's right, the news event of an 84-year-old guy's funeral is more important than news of the random slaughter of 30 people.
Amazingly, some bloggers in this country have complained about the media's coverage of the pope's deathwatch/expiration/funeral, calling it insufficient or not properly fawning and respectful. Maybe TKID4 is out of touch, but I've seen more pope news than I can handle. Besides, I don't get why a funeral for anyone, even the top dawg of the Catholic church is worthy of live coverage at all hours. He's dead. That's that.
Apr 6, 2005
Pope a Dope
TKID 4 just saw the President of the United States George W. Bush on his knees supplicatin' whilst prostratin' before the corpse of Pope John Paul. I didn't not vote that man to have him kneel down before General Zod like that. We are Americans and we don't bow to anyone!! I'd like to see the pope's 30 Swiss guards try and take on the 3rd Infantry. Bush should have showed some balls today and walked up to that crypt-keeper lookin pope, tipped his cowboy hat, and walked out, but not before flashing that bull$%#@ smirk to the crowd.
And someone please tell me what Condi rice was doing in that black cocktail dress/nun habit while sporting the veil of Turin. Nice Hot Cherry lipstick. Why do I think she'll end up doing shots of Ouzo with Berlusconi before the night is over.
Enough with this pope business. And get off your knees George!!
And someone please tell me what Condi rice was doing in that black cocktail dress/nun habit while sporting the veil of Turin. Nice Hot Cherry lipstick. Why do I think she'll end up doing shots of Ouzo with Berlusconi before the night is over.
Enough with this pope business. And get off your knees George!!
Herpie the Love Bug Goes to Mexico
A Georgia woman is suing NFL quarterback Michael Vick, claiming he gave her herpes in 2003. More importantly, the woman's lawsuit alleges that Vick often goes by the pseudonym "Ron Mexico."
TKID4 wants to praise Vick for his word choice, as Ron Mexico is one of the coolest aliases ever.
In other news, you now need a passport to return to the U.S. from Mexico. And the FBI is attempting to persuade Congress to bypass the 4th amendment and allow law enforcement to conduct searches without the review and approval of a detached magistrate. Sounds like Nazi Russia to this TKID.
TKID4 wants to praise Vick for his word choice, as Ron Mexico is one of the coolest aliases ever.
In other news, you now need a passport to return to the U.S. from Mexico. And the FBI is attempting to persuade Congress to bypass the 4th amendment and allow law enforcement to conduct searches without the review and approval of a detached magistrate. Sounds like Nazi Russia to this TKID.
Apr 4, 2005
Play Ball!!
Tis the season when we brush off the winter debris and dream of humid summer with its chlorine and burning charcoal scents wafting through the air. This dream is triggered by the smack of the ball connecting with the glove in the annual rite of passage, Opening Day. Like most things in sport, opening day has been somewaht commercialized with pre-opening day games such as last night's ALCS rematch. There was also the opening day game in Japan last year, which must have made Moe Berg roll over in his grave. Those blights aside, TKID4 still gets excited over the prospects of warm afternoons on his rooftop listening to games on his radio, sipping a cold domestic and thinking of boobies touched in the past.
TKID4 also remembers the days of his youth when spring meant trips down the local 7-11 to purchase packs of Topps baseball cards. This annual event occurred in late March-early April as Topps cards made their way down south through the ante-bellum supply chain of the 80's.
Beginning in 1985, the quest to complete all 792 cards of the Topps set was a perilous one. Packs were scarce. Doubles and triples were common place. One may have to purchase two or three boxes totaling over 1500 cards to make a set. TKID4 chased Atlanta Braves cards, as well as some key stars including certain future HOF's including Dwight Gooden, Eric Davis and Darryl Strawberry. Cal Ripkid's streak was only a few years old, Pete Rose was still playing and gambling, and times were good. Pulling a Dale Murphy made my week!!
Today baseball has changed. It has become over-commercialized and now caters to America's infatuation with wealth accumulation and status. Sadly, baseball card collecting has not been spared in this movement.
In 1986, a pack of cards cost 35 cents. It contained 15 cards and a stick of gum. On TKID4's budget, that meant 3 to 6 packs of cards at a time, which provided hours of entertainment. Fast forward to today. The average pack of cards is now $3 for 7 cards. Today's consumer is much more sophisticated. They demand quality and more importantly return on investment. The baseball card craze of the 80's which drove many collectors to invest their children's college funds in cards, fuels today's hobbyists who are wholly unsatisfied with bland cards on cardboard stock. The market has responded by producing cards which feature player autographs, pieces of jerseys, balls, and cards numbered to 10 or 100, rather than the generic 1,000,000 cards Topps produced from the 50's to 90's. The other day I saw a 10 year old at a baseball card show pull a card out of a pack that featured a piece of Jackie Robinson's 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. As I saw his excitement I wondered, what sicko would cut up that jersey. It would be like the Smithsonian cutting up pieces of Old Glory and selling them in the souvenir shop. BTW, the pack he pulled the card from came one to a box and sold for $125.
TKID still collects cards. He prefers to buy wax packs from the 1980's. They can be had for pretty cheap. Just don't try the gum.
TKID4 also remembers the days of his youth when spring meant trips down the local 7-11 to purchase packs of Topps baseball cards. This annual event occurred in late March-early April as Topps cards made their way down south through the ante-bellum supply chain of the 80's.
Beginning in 1985, the quest to complete all 792 cards of the Topps set was a perilous one. Packs were scarce. Doubles and triples were common place. One may have to purchase two or three boxes totaling over 1500 cards to make a set. TKID4 chased Atlanta Braves cards, as well as some key stars including certain future HOF's including Dwight Gooden, Eric Davis and Darryl Strawberry. Cal Ripkid's streak was only a few years old, Pete Rose was still playing and gambling, and times were good. Pulling a Dale Murphy made my week!!
Today baseball has changed. It has become over-commercialized and now caters to America's infatuation with wealth accumulation and status. Sadly, baseball card collecting has not been spared in this movement.
In 1986, a pack of cards cost 35 cents. It contained 15 cards and a stick of gum. On TKID4's budget, that meant 3 to 6 packs of cards at a time, which provided hours of entertainment. Fast forward to today. The average pack of cards is now $3 for 7 cards. Today's consumer is much more sophisticated. They demand quality and more importantly return on investment. The baseball card craze of the 80's which drove many collectors to invest their children's college funds in cards, fuels today's hobbyists who are wholly unsatisfied with bland cards on cardboard stock. The market has responded by producing cards which feature player autographs, pieces of jerseys, balls, and cards numbered to 10 or 100, rather than the generic 1,000,000 cards Topps produced from the 50's to 90's. The other day I saw a 10 year old at a baseball card show pull a card out of a pack that featured a piece of Jackie Robinson's 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers uniform. As I saw his excitement I wondered, what sicko would cut up that jersey. It would be like the Smithsonian cutting up pieces of Old Glory and selling them in the souvenir shop. BTW, the pack he pulled the card from came one to a box and sold for $125.
TKID still collects cards. He prefers to buy wax packs from the 1980's. They can be had for pretty cheap. Just don't try the gum.
Apr 1, 2005
EXTRA! EXTRA! Hot off the presses
Pope John Paul II has died. The 84-year-old, perpetually-fading pontiff was reported dead on virtually every news website for at least one hour today. However, it seems that reports of his death have been exaggerated. It's a safe bet that the media will keep us abreast of this riveting drama with 24/7 coverage until long after the papal passing.
In other hot news, various newspapers and TV networks are reporting that the nauseatingly overdone story of Terri Schiavo is far from finished, with months of continuing coverage of the various skirmishes over her corpse and on the developing "culture of life" crusade. Stay tuned!
In other hot news, various newspapers and TV networks are reporting that the nauseatingly overdone story of Terri Schiavo is far from finished, with months of continuing coverage of the various skirmishes over her corpse and on the developing "culture of life" crusade. Stay tuned!
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