TKID4 here, back from an extended vacation exploring the finest spider holes Anbar province has to offer, thanks to a generous grant from the Kiegals Institute for Oriental Studies.
There's a new bond in town. James Bond, that is. Octagenerian Pierce Bro'ham has been replaced by a blond haired, blue eyed dashing metrosexual named Daniel something in the role of the world's most famous and syphillitic adled spy. The studios appear to be moving the Bond character towards a softer, more gentle world, where the secret agent is more adept at selecting velvet curtains than tunneling under iron ones. According to industry insiders, the former Bond Brosnan is upset at the manner in which studio execs notified him he was out. The Irish lothario whose four Bond film portrayals put $1.5 billion worth of Goldfinger's gold bullion into the pockets of Hollywood underwriters was apparently canned over the course of one brief phone call. Brosnan reflected on the call from his yacht positioned off the coast of Gibraltar:
"I was polishing my shoes, which are themselves spy shoe phones, and when the L.A. suits rang me, telling me I was finished, out, fired...that sort of business, I told them to 'toss off' and I hung up and went back to polishing. Later that evening I went out for a cafe' and was unexpectedly accused of sporting blackface, as the polish from my shoe phones had masked my complexion. Needless to say, I covered my faux-pas by quipping that I had just come from a nighttime raid of the fortress of Dr. Goldfeld, which was partially true. It was more of a nighttime raid of my pantry for a box of goldfish."
While Brosnan was planning on taking the Bond character to an edgier, darker place, screenwriters plan on placing the new modern Bond in quirky scenarios where the emotional side of the middle aged single male will be explored. Rumors abound of a Bond who enters therapy after being slowly lowered by a rope into a shark tank one too many times. And when 007 contracts Mata Hari's revenge afer a particularly dicey covert-op in Guatemala, he is comforted by Raoul, a London florist who knows what it's like to have been loved, but to never have loved another.
Oct 11, 2005
Oct 5, 2005
Up from the Ashes
It is alive. Many apologies to our countless hordes of readers, all of whom have been wondering: "where is TKID's Blog?" The answers to this question are myriad. The abridged (and security-cleared) answer, however, is that Kiegels Enterprises, Inc., the company under which TKID's is a wholly-owned subsidiary, was involved in a high-level scrap with the Malaysian government. You see, our friends in Kuala Lumpur wanted their piece of the pie. But David Lopan, CEO of Kiegels and company mystic, is not to be messed with. Let's just say the Malaysians came out holding the short straw.
During this brief but intense clash with a third-world government TKID's Blog's main office was forced to shut down. Then, after we'd prevailed, we were detained to cash in on some of the no-bid contracts to hose down and clean out New Orleans - working shoulder-to-shoulder with Cheney's Halliburton boys. One thing we noticed during all of this hurricane hullabaloo was President Bush's moving comments when he first touched down in Mississippi after the hurricane. A snippet follows below:
"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
TID's Blog wants to do its part to correct this horrific act of God. Let's all work together to rebuild Trent's beachfront manse. To send your contribution to Kiegels Enterprises, which will help supervise construction at the site, please send your credit card donations to: david_lopan@hotmail.com
During this brief but intense clash with a third-world government TKID's Blog's main office was forced to shut down. Then, after we'd prevailed, we were detained to cash in on some of the no-bid contracts to hose down and clean out New Orleans - working shoulder-to-shoulder with Cheney's Halliburton boys. One thing we noticed during all of this hurricane hullabaloo was President Bush's moving comments when he first touched down in Mississippi after the hurricane. A snippet follows below:
"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house -- he's lost his entire house -- there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
TID's Blog wants to do its part to correct this horrific act of God. Let's all work together to rebuild Trent's beachfront manse. To send your contribution to Kiegels Enterprises, which will help supervise construction at the site, please send your credit card donations to: david_lopan@hotmail.com
Jul 6, 2005
Liberal Media Spanking
Today, in one of the clearest signs to date that freedom is on the march, a reporter from the America-hating New York Times was by federal marshals to an Alexandria jail, where she will serve time in the same facility as a famous suspected terrorist and other miscreants. Good riddance, we say.
The case has riled liberals and their pack of elite, effete spokespeople: the media. It began when a conservative columnist, Robert Novak, in an op-ed outed the CIA wife of a known Bush-hater. An investigation was begun into the illegal outing of the agent, with most speculation leading to the culprit being a Bush Adminstation official. Judith Miller of the NYTimes, who did not write about the agent but apparently learned her identity, refused to cooperate with the investigation and was today sent to jail by a federal judge.
The issue here is that the news media has become obvious opponents of this government. Anything that will make the media struggle to achieve its wrongheaded ends is good by me. Miller, the NYTimes and other mainstream media outlets are always trying to catch President Bush and other Republicans, who run all branches of our government, in some sort of perceived wrongdoing. Why don't they ask questions about all the good things Bush and Co. are accomplishing?
Here are a few examples of stories Miller could have written (that might have helped keep her out of jail):
* A feature article on all the Iraqis who love us.
* A story about the toughest medical procedure Sen. Bill Frist ever performed.
* An article in which Sen Rick Santorum's ranks his favorite saints.
* Or, in an story which the NYTimes could run (but won't) tomorrow, about how after a bike-riding President Bush crashed into a Scottish police officer, who was also on a bike, old Bush dressed the guy's wounds and bought him a Scottish Ale. What a guy. How's that for international coverage?
The fact is, only lawyers, doctors and clergy deserve confidentiality rights under the law. Everybody loves lawyers and priests. But reporters? Hell, they're priests of the dark art of stabbing America in the back.
The case has riled liberals and their pack of elite, effete spokespeople: the media. It began when a conservative columnist, Robert Novak, in an op-ed outed the CIA wife of a known Bush-hater. An investigation was begun into the illegal outing of the agent, with most speculation leading to the culprit being a Bush Adminstation official. Judith Miller of the NYTimes, who did not write about the agent but apparently learned her identity, refused to cooperate with the investigation and was today sent to jail by a federal judge.
The issue here is that the news media has become obvious opponents of this government. Anything that will make the media struggle to achieve its wrongheaded ends is good by me. Miller, the NYTimes and other mainstream media outlets are always trying to catch President Bush and other Republicans, who run all branches of our government, in some sort of perceived wrongdoing. Why don't they ask questions about all the good things Bush and Co. are accomplishing?
Here are a few examples of stories Miller could have written (that might have helped keep her out of jail):
* A feature article on all the Iraqis who love us.
* A story about the toughest medical procedure Sen. Bill Frist ever performed.
* An article in which Sen Rick Santorum's ranks his favorite saints.
* Or, in an story which the NYTimes could run (but won't) tomorrow, about how after a bike-riding President Bush crashed into a Scottish police officer, who was also on a bike, old Bush dressed the guy's wounds and bought him a Scottish Ale. What a guy. How's that for international coverage?
The fact is, only lawyers, doctors and clergy deserve confidentiality rights under the law. Everybody loves lawyers and priests. But reporters? Hell, they're priests of the dark art of stabbing America in the back.
Jul 5, 2005
Bumper Crop
TKID4 remembers a traumatic incident in his childhood when his father and a passing motorist engaged in a profanity-laced exchange on the highway. TKID4 was six years old, and he and his family were on their way home from Thanksgiving Dinner. It occurred to this first grader that the inhibitions of people fade as they drive. Where one would not imagine cursing a passing person on the street or unleashing an air horn in the direction of a man and his family, motorists perform such feats instinctively and often without provocation. Country music singer/songwriter babe Chely Wright had a similar experience to that of TKID's and penned a top 10 song in response. The song is about an encounter Chely had with a fellow driver. TKID4 decided to analyze the lyrics of the highly popular jingle to see if he and Chely shared in common the wounds and healing that such a traffic confrontation induced trauma can cause. TKID4 discovered, no such comparisons existed. Here are the lyrics:
I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car
Says United States Marines
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- The opening stanza reveals a major assumption and arguably fatal flaw in Chely's opus. She assumes that the woman driver's motivation for shooting the bird is caused by the patriotic if caustic bumper sticker. Perhaps it was Chely's poor driving that started the confrontation. Perhaps the woman disagreed with Chely's choice of automobile, an SUV which many argue create the types of dependencies on foreign fossil fuels which necessitate U.S. military interventions overseas. Feminists should decry the stereotype this song reinforces regarding the ineptitude of women drivers. They should also lighten up.
See, my brother Chris, he's been in for more than 14 years now
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam
Did his duty then he got out
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Here Chely is quite defensive in justifying her use of the sticker. She is obviously proud of her family's military heritage, but strangely doesn't explicitly state that any of those members served in the Marines. We don't know where "Chris" is serving or in what capacity, but the vagueries of the statement lead TKID4 to think he may be in the Penn. "Dad" was in the Navy during Vietnam, but we don't know where he was stationed and if he actually served in the Vietnam area of operations, and Grandpa, while a battlefield hero, would have been in the Army or Navy if he served in the European theater in WWII, not in the Marines. There is also the cryptic line about her father doing his duty and then getting out. It is as if she is apologizing for him taking part in the Vietnam conflict and stressing that he had no choice and ceased as soon as he was able. TKID4 wonders how many U.S. servicepersons feel that way at present.
But that doesn't mean that I want war
I'm not Republican or Democrat
But I've gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand
Yes, I do have questions
I get to ask them because I'm free
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- More anti-war rhetoric, and a disavowing of the U.S. two party system. TKID4 wonders if Chely is a member of the Green party, or maybe the Libertarians, or possibly the socialists, given her anti-Vietnam stance above. Perhaps she isn't registered to vote. But she has traveled the world in search of answers to her "questions." She discusses this more in the next anti-warish stanza.
'Cause I've been to Hiroshima
And I've been to the DMZ
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad
Still don't have all of the answers I need
But I guess I wanna know where she's been
Before she judges and gestures to me
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Is Chely speaking of her personal experiences or of the war record of Marines in these lyrics? The reference to Hiroshima appears to be a thinly veiled attack on U.S. war time policies. And if she is referring to the Korean peninsula DMZ, this might be an exposure of prior U.S. military failings. The overall theme is developing here of supporting the troops while questioning the war. However Chely's version has the pseudo-patriotic delivery that John Kerry lacked when grumbling the same message last fall. Before the straddling theme is totally developed, the writer jumps back into the cat fight with the minivan driver. There is the assumption, bordering on clinical paranoia, that Chely is being "judged" by this random person. This suspicion turns to homicidal rage below. A hint of things to come is found when Chely obsesses about the driver's background and "where she's been."
So I hope that lady in her mini-van
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school
And drives home safely on our city streets
Or to the building where her church group meets
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Chely appears to know an awful lot of personal information on this random person. Has she been stalking this poor woman to learn her habits? I've heard of road rage but this is premeditation all the way. Chely knows about her family, where her children go to school, what church they attend. The record exec's may have forced her to drop the line, "And I won't stop until they are all dead." Either that or Chely is making the kind of assumptions about this woman based on the fact she is a female driving a mini van as this woman is accused of doing about the singer and her sticker.
I've got a bright red sticker on the back of my car
Says United States Marines
And yesterday a lady in a mini-van held up a middle finger at me
Does she think she knows what I stand for
Or the things that I believe
Just by looking at a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- The opening stanza reveals a major assumption and arguably fatal flaw in Chely's opus. She assumes that the woman driver's motivation for shooting the bird is caused by the patriotic if caustic bumper sticker. Perhaps it was Chely's poor driving that started the confrontation. Perhaps the woman disagreed with Chely's choice of automobile, an SUV which many argue create the types of dependencies on foreign fossil fuels which necessitate U.S. military interventions overseas. Feminists should decry the stereotype this song reinforces regarding the ineptitude of women drivers. They should also lighten up.
See, my brother Chris, he's been in for more than 14 years now
Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam
Did his duty then he got out
And my grandpa earned his purple heart
On the beach of Normandy
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Here Chely is quite defensive in justifying her use of the sticker. She is obviously proud of her family's military heritage, but strangely doesn't explicitly state that any of those members served in the Marines. We don't know where "Chris" is serving or in what capacity, but the vagueries of the statement lead TKID4 to think he may be in the Penn. "Dad" was in the Navy during Vietnam, but we don't know where he was stationed and if he actually served in the Vietnam area of operations, and Grandpa, while a battlefield hero, would have been in the Army or Navy if he served in the European theater in WWII, not in the Marines. There is also the cryptic line about her father doing his duty and then getting out. It is as if she is apologizing for him taking part in the Vietnam conflict and stressing that he had no choice and ceased as soon as he was able. TKID4 wonders how many U.S. servicepersons feel that way at present.
But that doesn't mean that I want war
I'm not Republican or Democrat
But I've gone all around this crazy world
Just to try and better understand
Yes, I do have questions
I get to ask them because I'm free
That's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- More anti-war rhetoric, and a disavowing of the U.S. two party system. TKID4 wonders if Chely is a member of the Green party, or maybe the Libertarians, or possibly the socialists, given her anti-Vietnam stance above. Perhaps she isn't registered to vote. But she has traveled the world in search of answers to her "questions." She discusses this more in the next anti-warish stanza.
'Cause I've been to Hiroshima
And I've been to the DMZ
I've walked on the sand in Baghdad
Still don't have all of the answers I need
But I guess I wanna know where she's been
Before she judges and gestures to me
'Cause she don't like my sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Is Chely speaking of her personal experiences or of the war record of Marines in these lyrics? The reference to Hiroshima appears to be a thinly veiled attack on U.S. war time policies. And if she is referring to the Korean peninsula DMZ, this might be an exposure of prior U.S. military failings. The overall theme is developing here of supporting the troops while questioning the war. However Chely's version has the pseudo-patriotic delivery that John Kerry lacked when grumbling the same message last fall. Before the straddling theme is totally developed, the writer jumps back into the cat fight with the minivan driver. There is the assumption, bordering on clinical paranoia, that Chely is being "judged" by this random person. This suspicion turns to homicidal rage below. A hint of things to come is found when Chely obsesses about the driver's background and "where she's been."
So I hope that lady in her mini-van
Turns on her radio and hears this from me
As she picks up her kids from their private school
And drives home safely on our city streets
Or to the building where her church group meets
Yeah, that's why I've got a sticker for the U.S. Marines
On the bumper of my SUV
- Chely appears to know an awful lot of personal information on this random person. Has she been stalking this poor woman to learn her habits? I've heard of road rage but this is premeditation all the way. Chely knows about her family, where her children go to school, what church they attend. The record exec's may have forced her to drop the line, "And I won't stop until they are all dead." Either that or Chely is making the kind of assumptions about this woman based on the fact she is a female driving a mini van as this woman is accused of doing about the singer and her sticker.
Jul 1, 2005
Gandhi Bashing
Liberals and their lackeys, those jackals in the media, are pouncing over Henry Kissinger today after more trancripts from the massive audio tape archives of former president Richard Nixon were released.
The taped conversation between Nixon and Kissinger took place in 1971, when Kissinger was U.S. Secretary of State. Apparently the PC-obsessed leftwingers think old Henry's language was a bit strong. Snippets from the discussion, which focused on India's then president, Indira Gandhi, and that country's march to war over Bangladesh, follow below.
"We really slobbered over the old witch," says President Nixon said of Gandhi.
"The Indians are bastards anyway," says Mr Kissinger. "They are starting a war there."
He adds: "While she was a bitch, we got what we wanted too. She will not be able to go home and say that the United States didn't give her a warm reception and therefore in despair she's got to go to war."
This controversy is nothing more than a tempest in a teapot and an attempt by weak-willed liberals to bash the legacy of a truly great man. First of all, its Dr. Kissinger, dammit. The man was trying to accomplish amazing things, like stopping the insidious spread of Communism. If some Indian president lady had to get trashed in the process, so the heck what?
The below, also taken from the tapes, has further raised hackles.
Kissinger: They are the most aggressive goddamn people around there.
Nixon: The Indians?
Kissinger: Yeah.
Nixon: Sure.
OK, seriously, who can challenge the accuracy of this exchange? Indians are aggressive. Look at Indira Gandhi's predecessor, Mahatma Gandhi. Don't let Hollywood's liberal-tainted portrayal of that wildman fool you. Nonviolent my ass. Gandhi would punch you in the face as soon as look at you. Always tapping around with that cane, what a charade. The cane, as conservative bloggers have conclusively proven, contained a high-powered rifle and various torture devices. Now, Dr. Kissinger was a great thinker. But George W. is cut from a tougher metal. If he had been around to deal with Gandhi or his uppity successor, well, you can bet freedom would have been on the march in the Indian subcontinent.
The taped conversation between Nixon and Kissinger took place in 1971, when Kissinger was U.S. Secretary of State. Apparently the PC-obsessed leftwingers think old Henry's language was a bit strong. Snippets from the discussion, which focused on India's then president, Indira Gandhi, and that country's march to war over Bangladesh, follow below.
"We really slobbered over the old witch," says President Nixon said of Gandhi.
"The Indians are bastards anyway," says Mr Kissinger. "They are starting a war there."
He adds: "While she was a bitch, we got what we wanted too. She will not be able to go home and say that the United States didn't give her a warm reception and therefore in despair she's got to go to war."
This controversy is nothing more than a tempest in a teapot and an attempt by weak-willed liberals to bash the legacy of a truly great man. First of all, its Dr. Kissinger, dammit. The man was trying to accomplish amazing things, like stopping the insidious spread of Communism. If some Indian president lady had to get trashed in the process, so the heck what?
The below, also taken from the tapes, has further raised hackles.
Kissinger: They are the most aggressive goddamn people around there.
Nixon: The Indians?
Kissinger: Yeah.
Nixon: Sure.
OK, seriously, who can challenge the accuracy of this exchange? Indians are aggressive. Look at Indira Gandhi's predecessor, Mahatma Gandhi. Don't let Hollywood's liberal-tainted portrayal of that wildman fool you. Nonviolent my ass. Gandhi would punch you in the face as soon as look at you. Always tapping around with that cane, what a charade. The cane, as conservative bloggers have conclusively proven, contained a high-powered rifle and various torture devices. Now, Dr. Kissinger was a great thinker. But George W. is cut from a tougher metal. If he had been around to deal with Gandhi or his uppity successor, well, you can bet freedom would have been on the march in the Indian subcontinent.
Jun 29, 2005
Call to Arms
Last night, while TKID5 was sipping a Corona on his couch, he listened as President Bush extolled the progress of our nation's toils in Iraq, urging patience and resolve. It was a hell of a speech. One aspect, however, stuck in this kid's craw:
"To those considering military service, there is no higher calling than service in the armed forces," Bush said.
The president's pitch for signing-up had a profound effect on me. Of course I'm a true patriot, having supported the war from the get-go. But, am I doing enough for the cause? Is my yellow ribbon bumper sticker proof that I'm a good American?
Yes. It is. Now see, in this, the world's greatest country, some people are meant to do the fighting while others take care of business on the home front. I'm one of those cats with an uncanny knack with numbers and schmoozing, which means my place in life is earning the big bucks, then watching them trickle down, helping our economy and the war effort.
This philosophy is not unique. In fact, many conservative heroes have espoused similar arguments for taking a pass on military service, most notable VP Cheney, who said he had "other priorities" during Vietnam and Tom DeLay, who famously remarked that ceding his slot during that war to a less lucky man was a charitable act, by giving a leg up to someone from those lower classes. Good on them, I say.
Now, if I could swing a deal like President Bush did back in 'Nam, that would be a different story. I'd love to fly a sweet jet like the F-102 Delta Dagger: http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/air_power/ap54.htm, as long as I could confine that service to the odd weekend here and there, while still being able to enjoy the night life, as did Bush. During the war, the future president and tough guy Texan lived in a deluxe apartment complex called Chateau Dijon, complete with a huge swimming pool, and often rolled around Houston in his Triumph, slaying the ladies. That's living. (The bachelor's tale: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/6482734?pageid=rs.Politics&pageregion=single4)
But, alas, the part-time fighter jock gig isn't what you get when you sign up for the national guard or the reserve these days. Word is, practically as soon as they scribble their John Hanckocks, today's reservists are handed a rifle and dropped down on the streets of Mosul or Fallujah. No thanks. Besides, my country needs me here. Did I mention that I have a yellow ribbon bumper sticker on SUV?
"To those considering military service, there is no higher calling than service in the armed forces," Bush said.
The president's pitch for signing-up had a profound effect on me. Of course I'm a true patriot, having supported the war from the get-go. But, am I doing enough for the cause? Is my yellow ribbon bumper sticker proof that I'm a good American?
Yes. It is. Now see, in this, the world's greatest country, some people are meant to do the fighting while others take care of business on the home front. I'm one of those cats with an uncanny knack with numbers and schmoozing, which means my place in life is earning the big bucks, then watching them trickle down, helping our economy and the war effort.
This philosophy is not unique. In fact, many conservative heroes have espoused similar arguments for taking a pass on military service, most notable VP Cheney, who said he had "other priorities" during Vietnam and Tom DeLay, who famously remarked that ceding his slot during that war to a less lucky man was a charitable act, by giving a leg up to someone from those lower classes. Good on them, I say.
Now, if I could swing a deal like President Bush did back in 'Nam, that would be a different story. I'd love to fly a sweet jet like the F-102 Delta Dagger: http://www.wpafb.af.mil/museum/air_power/ap54.htm, as long as I could confine that service to the odd weekend here and there, while still being able to enjoy the night life, as did Bush. During the war, the future president and tough guy Texan lived in a deluxe apartment complex called Chateau Dijon, complete with a huge swimming pool, and often rolled around Houston in his Triumph, slaying the ladies. That's living. (The bachelor's tale: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/_/id/6482734?pageid=rs.Politics&pageregion=single4)
But, alas, the part-time fighter jock gig isn't what you get when you sign up for the national guard or the reserve these days. Word is, practically as soon as they scribble their John Hanckocks, today's reservists are handed a rifle and dropped down on the streets of Mosul or Fallujah. No thanks. Besides, my country needs me here. Did I mention that I have a yellow ribbon bumper sticker on SUV?
Jun 28, 2005
God-Lovers At Their Finest
TKID5 is all for protesting the tyranny of secularism. But a conservative group's random protest on Monday of the funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq seems to go a bit far. In fact, I have no clue what this group, under the leadership of their God-like leader, Rev. Fred Phelps, are trying to say. The good Reverend hates gays. That much is clear. He blames our nation's "tolerance" of gays for the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Therefore, he is taking his group to protest the funerals of soldiers -- non-gay soldiers -- who are killed in the war in Iraq. The following quote, taken from an LA Times story, is their explanation for protesting outside of a soldier's funeral that was held in Massachusetts on Monday.
"We are protesting the sins of this nation," Phelps-Roper [a lawyer for the group] said. "That doesn't exclude him."
OK.
Apparently the local police department's bagpipe band drowned out the protesters when they'd pipe up with their little slogans.
"We are protesting the sins of this nation," Phelps-Roper [a lawyer for the group] said. "That doesn't exclude him."
OK.
Apparently the local police department's bagpipe band drowned out the protesters when they'd pipe up with their little slogans.
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