This just in, courtesy of the liberal media: our diplomats posted overseas can't speak foreign tongues. According to a report by the Government Accountability Office, high numbers of State Department employees fail to meet minimum language requirements. For example, the article states, 40 percent of the diplomats in Beijing can't speak Chinese (pronounced "chai-neeese") while 60 percent are dumbstruck when it comes to Arabic in both the Yemen and Egypt offices. Furthermore, the report found that the standards themselves are woefully inadequate.
Our response to this hand-ringing hub-bub: so the hell what? Americans speak English, of the American variety. If foreigners want to talk to us they best be learning the King's English with a healthy dollop of slang from the U.S. of A. Besides, how important are China or the Middle East to our national interests? Seriously. If any of those countries start feeling uppity, all we have to do is whip outour Stealth Bombers, Navy SEALS, and M1-Abrams.
Here's how a diplomatic negotiation could (and should) go in Beijing:
Xo Ding-Dong Mao, Chinese under-under secretary of foreign affairs: "Tsing-tao tai bo mee gooreng tsao kung pao?"
Ted Johnstone, U.S. deputy ambassador to China: "Hey Donger. I couldn't quite catch that. Would you like me to check in with Strategic Air Command back in Kansas city for a translation? No? I didn't think so."
